7 Quick and Dirty Writing Tips for Romance

Romance is something I spend a lot of time thinking about - mostly because I publish romantic erotica under a pseudonym - and that's led to some startling realizations about the staples of creating an effective romance, how to write effective sex scenes, and some key mistakes to avoid. Despite all this, the one thing that remains elusive is the ability to make a fictional romance feel real.

So, I went back to read and watch my favourite romances (I even played a few video games again) to really think about why they worked and what made me want to return to them. First and foremost, I've got to include the disclaimer that romance is very subjective; what makes one person's heart flutter could be a definite ick for another.

Nonetheless, I learned that there are some basic things that make a romance feel real - whether it seems like a good romance or not is really up to the reader.

7 Ways to Make Your Fictional Romances Seem Real

If there's something that you can always count on, it's the messiness of life and love. Convincing your reader that the on-page romance they're embroiled in could be real is not as easy as it sounds, but if you take away only one piece of information from this it should be that your fictional romances shouldn't be perfect if you want them to feel real. So, what makes these tips "quick and dirty"? Well, believe it or not, it has nothing to do with sex; these tips are easy to implement and highly effective, but they're not exactly "aesthetic". They're about changing things on the ground, so to speak. There are no bullet journals here - think of these as jimmy rigging a story with a good base but obvious faults to make it run a little more smoothly:

1. Match the Tone and Pace

Everything is possible in fiction, but the ability to build a realistic timeline for a romance can be tough. There are those who will tell you to avoid the Disney trope of marrying characters who meet within a few weeks or months - I'm not one of those people.

You can make almost any romance feel real as long as you match the tone with your pacing. A rushed, whirlwind romance that results in a wedding at just six months? Show the growing pains that come with having to commit seriously to someone you barely know; miscommunication, arguments, and compromises will be needed. A long-term, steady friends-to-lovers romance? Address the awkwardness of opening a new side of yourself to someone who already has an established perception of you. Conversion is not better than creation when it comes to building a romance, but each is a different path.

2. Burst the Bubble

One of the most common mistakes romance writers make, in my opinion, is having a relationship form and exist in an unnatural bubble. What I mean here is that there are some scenarios in which it is plausible or even expected for two people to build a romance without ever dealing without outsidde influence - e.g. the scenario in The Mountain Between Us.

Of course, most characters are not stranded on a remote mountaintop, battling the elements with only their love interest for support. Most of them live in the real world and that means that the real world will get in the way. You don't have to waste a lot of precious page space on detailing how the rest of the world breaks in, but making a living background for the story is key.

3. Allow for Conflict

No matter how well your characters mesh, how often they agree, there will come a time when they butt heads. Conflict is a natural part of any relationship and it can actually help you to show your reader what kind of dynamic your characters have. Do they shout and lose their temper? Do they approach conflict calmly and kindly? Are they able to take time apart without panicking?

4. Don't Rely on Drama

Conflict may be a natural part of life and love, but it's my personal opinion that too many romance novels and arcs rely on cheap, overly dramatic conflict that is either wildly unhealthy, downright abusive, or so stupidly simple that the characters could have prevented it with a few words (see the 'Big Misunderstanding' trope).

If you rely on cheap drama to build a romance there's a high chance your readers will become disinterested or even annoyed. Be honest with yourself about why you're including a situation; is it because it's needed for the story or because it injects a little drama into the mix?

5. Let the Romance Evolve

Your characters should evolve and change as your story progresses, so it makes sense that any romance that springs up should also evolve over time. This is probably more applicable to a multi-book series, but if you happen to write a book that includes an established couple from the beginning you should establish their starting dynamic and plan for evolution.

A good example of this would be having a married couple that has one partner being highly relient on the other evolving to a mutally supportive dynamic during the events of the plot.

6. Show Some Personality

No two people are the same, and because of this no relationship is the same as the next. If you want the reader to believe in your romantic subplot or novel the dynamic and trajectory should seem plausible based on the characters unique personalities.

For example, if one of your characters is optimistic, emotional, and cheerful whereas the other is stoic and pessimistic, but basically sweet natured (think Sypha and Trevor in Castlevania) the dynamic should reflect this. One way in which you could build a realistic romance would be by having the cheerful character support and soften the stoic character, or by having th stoic and pessimistic character ground the emotional character. This is not only realistic, it's healthy and endearing.

One of the real secrets of romance writing is this: the romance is in the reactions. You can write the perfect proposal scene, but if your characters don't have strong, emotional reactions that feel genuine the romance will seem dull and listless.

7. Focus on Beautful Flaws

Perfection is boring - when we fall in love it is often the small, but not fatal, flaws in a person that make them really attractive to us. From a slight crookedness to a persons nose to a goofy or irreverent sense of humor it is these small details that make a person unique and, in many cases, attractive to their partner.

If you want to create a sense of realism and endear your characters (as well as their relationship) to the reader highlighting these small "flaws" and how they impact the characters views of each other.

Writing the 'Big Break-Up' (and Other Intense Moments)

No-one can live their life at full throttle, and your characters certainly shouldn't. Novels in particular are about endurance, both for you and the reader. If you write every scene at full intensity, fatigue will set in. Therefore, this is the first piece of advice I have: if you want your break-ups, make-ups, and death risk scenes to really pop, make sure your whole book isn't written at break-neck pace. There are some books that benefit from this pacing, of course, but in my experience romance novels are rarely in that category. If you want to define a scene as particularly intense you should:

Start Small

Just as the impact of war is most often appreciated in the small, human details, we tend to feel the impact of deaths, break-ups, and conflicts most painfully in small ways. It's not the screaming accusations that really hurt - it's the fact that you can no longer reach across the space between you to hold their hand.

It's not the grand sense of a life ending, it's the empty chair at a usually full dining table. The more fierce and emotional a scene becomes, the more poignent and sharp the fine details should be. Picture these small details as pinpoints of clarity in a fast-paced, confused landscape. Readers will feel the pain of hand snatched away from a concilatory touch more than they will be able to grasp the many complexities of this particular relationship ending.

Alter Your Sentence Structure

A simple way to increase the impact of intense scene is to alter your sentence structure. Short, sharp sentencts stand out. They give a sense of urgency. They're choppy. When you write in long, flowery sentences that chew over details and add imagery and metaphors to the mix, you significantly slow the pace of a scene.

Ideally, your stories should mix the two. Mixing shorter and longer sentences together prevents monotony and keeps the prose flowing. But when you want sharp, hard-hitting scenes short is best. Lower the average number of words in a sentence. Trust me. It works beautifully.

Pick Simple, Blunt Words

Word choice matters on so many levels. Angry and enraged may have similar meanings, but they give different impressions. If you want to make a scene intense and fast-paced, pick the simplest words for the job. Just as you might choose soft, gentle sounding words for a romantic scene, pick sharp, hard words for an argument.

Make every part of your story work for its place, especiallty if you're working with a limited word count!