5 Things Working in Care Has Taught Me

Until recently I worked as a care assistant in a nursing home. It was the most rewarding and emotionally taxing job I have had to date (and probably will ever have). The work can be super demanding (not just making cups of tea and wiping bums, like some people might assume) and maintaining boundaries and emotional balance was a constant challenge.

Of course there are aspects of the job that I won't miss but there are many that I will. I learned some valuable things about myself and people in general during my time there.

1. I am cripplingly afraid of growing older and less able.

So this is a worry that I had before starting in that role. However, when I first got the job, I believed that facing these situations daily might prepare me in some way, or at the very least make me feel at peace with the inevitability of the situation. For some this may be the case but for me it was not so. If anything, it has done the opposite and amplified my fears of the unknown that awaits us as we all grow older. Honestly I don't like thinking about it too much because it scares me.

2. Company can be vitally important sometimes.

Whether it be friends or family, and even if it is only for a very short time, a little bit of company can go a long way. Loneliness is awful no matter your age and ability, but that isolation can feel so much worse when you are unable to get up and do the things you enjoy to take your mind off it.

3. Everyone deals with loss and heartache differently, and that's ok.

Too often I have seen people dealing with immense guilt over how they dealt with the pain of a loved one being unwell, or how they dealt with losing them. It is ok to grieve in whatever way you feel necessary to survive. It's ok not to do a certain thing if it is too hard and you shouldn't torture yourself over it or you will never be able to move forward. Also you should not judge how another person handles their grief, it is theirs and theirs alone. However, if even a little bit of you thinks that you might regret not doing the thing, I would recommend that you find the strength to do it while you have the chance. Situations are unpredictable and doing that one difficult thing now might make the healing process easier for you in the future.

4. Just because a death is expected doesn't mean it is any easier to deal with.

I have sometimes seen people so confused in their grief. They say things like "I don't know what's wrong with me, she was ill for such a long time." Wiping away their tears as if they don't deserve them. It is natural to be sad and to grieve whether it was expected or not. You have still lost someone and the circumstance in which you lost them doesn't change that. Although expecting it doesn't make it easier to deal with, sometimes it can make you appreciate the person's lack of pain over your sadness about lacking them.

5. Life really is a gift (pardon my cliché).

The main thing that working with an abundance of pain and loss has taught me is that life is precious and should be fucking cherished as such. I know it is unrealistic for everyone to be super-duper-Disneyland-happy all of the time, but we could all appreciate life a little more, and a little more often.

Above all you should live while you can, really live.