Y’all… I’m in 14th Place. This Has Gone Too Far. 😂

Y’all… I’m in 14th Place. This Has Gone Too Far. 😂

Okay.

I checked the Top Host rankings.

And somehow, someway, through the grace of God, bad decisions, good readers, and whatever the hell High Me started when she filled out this application…

I’M AROUND 14TH PLACE.

Excuse me?

Now y’all got me paying attention.

Because when this started, I was just happy to be here. I was minding my business. I had no expectations. I was prepared to laugh, write a story about the experience, and go on about my life.

But 14th?!

Oh, now I’m competitive.

Now I’m looking at that leaderboard like somebody moved my purse.

😂😂😂

So yes, I need y’all.

But before anybody gets carried away, let me make one thing VERY clear:

FREE. VOTES. ONLY.

You get a free vote every 24 hours, and that is ALL I want from you.

Apparently, you can donate money and get additional votes.

No.

Absolutely not.

Put your debit card back in your wallet.

THIS ECONOMY HAS LOST ITS MOTHERFUCKING MIND.

Have y’all priced hamburger meat lately?!

Hamburger meat is approximately $70 fucking million dollars a pound.

I went to the grocery store for tacos and damn near needed financing.

At this point, Kroger needs a loan department.

Walmart needs to start asking, “Will that be cash, credit, or a 30-year fixed-rate mortgage?”

And you think I'm about to ask y'all to spend actual money voting for me?

THE FUCK I AM. 😂

Baby, I'm trying to win, but I'm not trying to win so badly that somebody's lights get cut off.

Pay Evergy.

Feed your children.

Feed yourself.

Put gas in your car.

Buy the expensive-ass hamburger meat.

If you have $20 left afterward, KEEP THAT SHIT TOO.

Because tomorrow somebody is going to need toilet paper.

All I need from you is that beautiful little FREE vote every 24 hours.

That's it.

We're going to see how far we can take this thing without financially ruining a single person.

And apparently we've already made it to around 14th place doing exactly that.

Which means now I'm curious.

How far can we actually go?

Because if y'all somehow free-vote my ass all the way into hosting an iHeartRadio podcast, I am going to be INSUFFERABLE.

Do you hear me?

INSUFFERABLE.

I'm going to tell this story for the rest of my natural life.

"Did I ever tell you about the time I got high, filled out an application, forgot about it, and then a bunch of people on the internet free-voted me into an iHeartRadio studio?"

Everybody:

"Yes, Dakota. Four hundred times."

Me:

"Okay, well, it all started when" 😂

So let's see what happens.

No buying votes.

No donations on my behalf.

No choosing between supporting me and buying a pack of chicken.

FREE ME ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP. 😂🎙️

👉🏾 https://tophost.org/2026/dakota-blazz

Come back in 24 hours and hit that free button again.

I'll bring the stories.

Y'all bring the clicks.

And somebody please keep an eye on the price of hamburger meat because at this rate, ground beef is going to have a credit score requirement by Christmas

And listen, if we move from 14th place to 13th, I'm celebrating. If we hit 10th, I'm probably going to start acting like I have a campaign manager even though it's still just me sitting at home refreshing the page like I have nothing else to do. 😂

At this point, I'm emotionally invested.

I done told people. Y'all done voted. I've written about it. There's no quietly backing out now.

And I know somebody is reading this thinking, Girl, it's only 14th place.

Listen.

Do you know how many times I've accidentally entered a competition while high and ended up 14th in anything?

EXACTLY.

This is history. 😂

So we're going to enjoy every ridiculous second of it. If I move up, we're celebrating. If I move down, we're blaming inflation. I don't know how inflation affects podcast rankings, but apparently it's responsible for everything else, so it can take this shit too.

Either way, thank y'all for riding along with me.

Now excuse me while I go check that damn leaderboard again. 😂

Note from the Author

There’s a little bit of truth in every story I post.

This time, there’s a whole lot of it.

😂❤️