One Million” Muse(s): Ft. Marcella

“One Million” Muse(s)

:: Project Description

This project is a series of conversations/interviews, released Mondays highlighting people in my life who inspire me. In each exploration, I will dive into specially curated questions for each of my muses. We will investigate a wide variety of topics including: sexuality, self-care, personal characteristics, styles, art, music and more. While having a moment to relish in my own curiosity, I hope to highlight the unique qualities of each of my muses – invite conversation based on similarities, and eliminate being overly critical of oneself. This is a special for my sister's birthday :)

:: My sister <3

I was born September 18, 1993 and 11 months later, on September 4th, 1994 the love of my life was born, Marcella.

Instantly, I adored her and was beyond obsessed— My mom and dad made me a forever best friend. We wore matching outfits in our preferred colors: hers = blue, mine =pink, we performed complete choreographed dance routines, for anybody who was willing to watch, and told scary stories until we would shiver in fear! She would always come in my bed, I suspect I was too scared to move.

I lived through my sister:

Her emotions filtered through me and settled in my body, it felt as if we were one creature with shared feelings. Her laughter tickled me, and her pain would morph into mine. The thought of my *barely baby sister hurting physically or emotionally, would send me into the deepest, saddest spiral. She had one of those faces that conveyed raw emotion, there is something so admirable about that. I looked to her for comfort, knowing she would be there to soothe any worry or mend my embarrassment. If I felt uncomfortable, she would distract me or take the spotlight to give me relief. It often led to her getting in trouble and me, you guessed it, would cry for her.

Sure, in some sense we were opposites, she was sassy, loud and a troublemaker; whereas I was more quiet, shy and observant. But, our contrasting outward personalities created the most beautiful childhood memories–and the most entertaining Barbie/Bratz doll storylines– we had passion

(Our fights were also very passionate, like the time I threw a heavy ass Lug boot at her face and she picked up a BB gun and shot me until she felt better, well played.)

*we are 11 months apart and the same age for two weeks! Irish twins

I live with my sister:

2019-2020 we lived together in Oakland in a small 1 but we made it a 2-bedroom apartment… Don’t ask how. It was above a bar, close to a bus stop and loud as fuck. This time period was challenging but layered with humorous and unforgettable moments. Like watching folks outside doing street karate, blasting strange tunes or simply fighting the trash cans.

In 2019, my sister found out she had a tumor in her salivary gland, and it was a devastating moment. There was so much fear and uncertainty, we were heartbroken. After the news, her request was to sit somewhere, by the water, and have a warm beverage. We sat in silence at a coastal cafe in Pacifica with heavy hearts. && Somehow despite all of the stress and appointments she remained so optimistic and kind.

Pain and tragedy changed her, but in a way it doesn’t always for most people, it made her bold yet soft. Her voice was negotiating peacefully, while her actions had impact. She was moving in full force towards the unknown– it was incredible. Her acceptance and journey through this brutal time showed me that I don’t have to cry for her, but I can cry with her. Also reminded me, as close as we are, we are separate beings experiencing different realities.

I learned from her taking action and control can be scary but, it also can be transformative and healing.

2020 and the quarantine: As many of us were feeling all types of emotions, my sister and I were no exception. We were anxious and scared, but we somehow managed to create our own parallel universe to minimize the amount of fear. We cooked all the foodssss, twerked for toilet paper and bought a lifetime supply of obscure dried goods, like barley… ew.

Being in the presence of my sister really grounded me and offered me so much comfort and support. Living with her, as an adult, provided me with a different overall perspective, and reminded me how capable and strong she is. We cared for each other and picked up the slack as needed, aways offering assistance when the other one, just couldn't. The real beauty of it all was it didn’t need to be discussed, it was just intuition.

I live like my sister:

My sister is someone who will wipe the tear away from your cheek non judgmentally. She will validate your feelings while voicing her own points of admiration, she is well-spoken, fearless, stunning.

Marcella, (aka Spinelly, Spooch or Yoseph):: is a woman of compassion. Someone who is looking to comfort and validate your feelings sometimes even before her own. She is exceedingly unique, hilarious and eager for growth. I admire her transparency, willingness to understand others and challenge perspectives. In a space, she will make you feel welcomed, remembered and celebrated and highlight YOUR qualities that seem overlooked.

The words that come from her mouth are raw but also the type of funny that makes you laugh so hard your eyelids flip insides out, your laugh mutates into something unrecognizable and your abs turn into a momentary 8 pack because of the constant engagement. (if that didn’t describe you it’s because that's what happens to me). My sister has informed so much of who I am. Her admiration for the small thing, her careful and thoughtful responses has made me more mindful of how I show up.

I have learned and adopted many of my behaviors from the love of my life, my sister.

The interview through voice memo snippets because it's better to hear her.

Q: Tell me your most funniest memory of us as kids: in voice memo form cuz it's more funny to hear

My 29 of my favorite memories of us:

1. Going to the State fair and going on the most nauseating ride and getting off to play darts and miss every single one.
2. Getting scared off of Abraham Lincoln pictures
3. Getting scared of Courage The Cowardly Dog “Give me the plaque..” ahhh
4. Rocking out to the foo fighters and hurting our necks
5. Blasting Papa Roach out my BMW with the windows down in Oakland
6. Going to the City and Colour concert
7. Throwing socks at the ceiling fan and dodging them lmao
8. Choking on Sushi rice in a restaurant
9. Singing in the rain soaking wet with Stephanie
10. Blasting Mariah Carey in the yard while skating with ill-fitting roller blades.
11. Almost throwing up at the bar after taking a shot at Eli’s
12. Having drinks on our fire escape and wondering if we were going to break the roof.
13. Making nasty dinners in the Telegraph house
14. Riding mini motorcycles around the block and getting pulled over and sent home
15. Throwing ramen noodles on your chest in the quad at school
16. Accidentally pulling down my own pants in Kmart and you laughing at me
17. Dressing up as boys and walking around outside to run into friends
18. Eating waffles on the street in Berkeley
19. Champagne wars in SF my 26th birthday
20. Jumping from our bunk beds and getting yelled at
21. Smacking pumpkins and getting caught
22. Getting bad haircuts together all of highschool
23. Fighting with each other and then laughing because it was stupid but someone needed to get in the last shoulder shove.
24. Staying in Arcada and spending the night in an airstream
25. Kitchen cuts rap, I won’t expand anymore…
26. Making slushies out of lemon concentrated and throwing up haha
27. Our New Years Party in the SF Paramount Apartment, EPIC
28. Hosting your 18th birthday 3 course meal
29. All of quarantine with you.