My Interview with Michael Jackson

Here is my recent interview I was able to have with Michael Jackson. I sat with him in his condo and we talked about his past, present, and future.

I know you are thinking, wait, isn’t he already dead?

Well, that is just what the media wants you to think. He’s actually alive and well, and living in my building on the 16th floor. I see him sometimes on the balcony hanging his towels.

So I asked him if I could interview him and he agreed. As long as I kept his whereabouts secret and brought some nacho chips and guacamole as a snack during the interview.

What follows is a transcript of our conversation.

Me: Hello, Mr. Jackson. Can I call you Michael?

MJ: My friends call me Jacko.

He said this in his high soft-spoken voice while tipping his black fedora.

Me: I have been a big fan of yours since I was a child. It’s an honor to interview you. By the way, where is your monkey, Bubbles?

MJ: I keep it in the closet. He likes it there.

Me: I see. That’s nice. So, I suppose Thanksgiving and Christmas are on their way and you are all alone away from your friends and family. What will you do all by yourself?

MJ: Beat It, Beat It. No one likes to be defeated. I might also order some Uber Eats or something.

Me: That’s not exactly what I was expecting but doesn’t sound too bad.

MJ: Who’s bad?

Me: No, I just meant it sounds like a good plan. Anyway, it’s been a while since you were out in public, because of all the faking your death and all, but are you with anyone?

MJ: I’m with the man in the mirror. I’m asking him to change his ways. Once I can change and better myself, then I can search for a partner.

Me: Wow, very deep stuff. I guess you are dealing with your inner demons. Or should I say “Speed Demon”, am I right?

MJ: I’m sorry, I don’t follow.

Me: Okay, never mind. Let’s move on. So what about your childhood with your parents and brothers and sisters, how was it? Growing up in a big family must have been really fun.

MJ: I remember all of us at dinner fighting over the last peanut butter sandwich.

Me: Oh, that’s funny. I guess no matter how famous you are, kids love peanut butter and jelly.

MJ: Jam!

Me: Excuse me?

MJ: Not jelly, Jam!

Me: Alright, another question I have for you is why did you fake your death? Were you not happy with your life?

MJ: My life was so dangerous. Take away my money, throw away my time, you can call me honey but you're no damn good for me. So I had to walk away. I was also being followed by the mob.

Me: Oh, really? There was some kind of legal troubles apart from your troubles with children and their families?

MJ: Yes, I was struck by a smooth criminal.

I found it odd that he kept answering questions with titles from his songs. So I called him out on it.

Me: Are you purposely answering my questions with titles from your songs?

MJ: Just leave me alone! Just stop doggin’ me around!

Me: Sorry, I just wanted to know if you were doing it intentionally. If it’s too much, we can stop.

MJ: Keep on, with the force don’t stop. Don’t stop till you get enough. Plus we still have some nachos left.

Me: Yes, you really seemed to like them. Unfortunately, we’re all out of guacamole.

MJ: Really? Like a sunset dying with the rising of the moon, gone too soon. I might have some salsa in the fridge if you’re interested?

Me: I’m good, thanks. Well, I think it’s time I head home. My dog is waiting for me otherwise he might poop on the floor again. Do you “Remember the time” when that happened?

MJ: Sorry, I don’t recall that.

Me: Yeah, it was just a joke. Another song of yours.

MJ: Sorry? A song about poop on the floor? I have no recollection of that. Although I have seen blood on the dancefloor.

Me: Yeah, okay. Well, I think I have more than enough for my article. In fact, I think I’ve stretched this out long enough. Thanks for the time and for answering my questions.

MJ: You’re welcome. If you need a follow-up interview I’ll be there.

Well, there you have it. My interview with Michael Jackson. He is a weird dude. But he really loves nachos.

This article by me also appears here: https://medium.com/muddyum/my-interview-with-michael-jackson-e115e6d8c27