TWIDDLING MY THUMBS

TWIDDLING MY THUMBS

 I might need a drink!

 **

 I kept my appointment with my audiologist and as her receptionist was checking me in, she began complaining about the office computer.

 “It’s not so much the computer. It’s the internet. The office building was struck by lightning two days ago, and ever since, our internet has been down more than it’s been up. Just when we think it’s back, it’s down again. It’s driving me batty.”

 I sympathized with her. “I know the feeling. Computers were invented to make our lives easier but all too often, I want to toss mine in the nearest river – which is only three-and-a-half miles away.”

 “Was your house struck by lightning, too?” she asked.

 “Nope. Although I have an antivirus program in mine, it still was invaded. Half the screen keeps popping up saying that McAfee has detected five viruses and to “click here” to resolve the issue. I know better than to click anything, but I don’t currently have, nor did I ever have McAfee. I can’t seem to get rid of this.”

 “Okay,” she began, “here’s a suggestion. First of all, almost every computer has several antivirus programs built in hoping you’ll choose one. They’re not activated until you do. But they are there, nonetheless. Try uninstalling them. That might work.”

 Wow, could it really be that simple?

 Could I really uninstall these programs and get my full viewing screen back?

 Well, hell, it was worth a try, wasn’t it?

 Once home, I turned my nefarious little monster on and followed the instructions the receptionist gave me. Then I waited. And waited. And waited, some more. After eight hours, I turned off the laptop with the intention of trying again the following day.

 The following day, I made sure to get out of bed early so I could get a jump on that stupid virus that latched onto my computer. Damn, this thing was worse than the COVID my husband had a few years ago that thought it had a forever home.

 At seven in the morning, I turned the laptop on and opened the settings program, found McAfee Web Advisor and clicked “uninstall”. “Are you sure you want to uninstall McAfee?” the prompt asked. “Yes” I wanted to scream at the damn thing. But rather than scream to an inanimate object, I quietly clicked the “yes” box.

Then the wait began – again! And again!

 It was a repeat of the day before.

 However, I left the “uninstall” program running while I tried to busy myself with other things: laundry, lunch with a friend, a trip to the supermarket. All too often, I would walk back to where my computer sat to check on the uninstall progress. It was still “in progress.”

 After three days, I gave up thinking that I would be forced to buy a new laptop that I really couldn’t, at this time, afford. Then I would have to find a way to get around the virus and transfer all my documents.

 Okay, pause:

 I have ninety percent of my documents backed up on an external hard drive, but it’s been the last three months that I got lazy and forgot to do that one important task.

 It had been almost one week without my computer when I finally gave in and called my friend and neighbor. He’s been a blessing to me when it comes to computers. He had kept my desktop, which had been close to fifteen years old, running until it finally took its last breath. While it was extremely sluggish and often froze in mid-task, it at least still ran.

 I knew he’d been out of town and was planning another trip to visit relatives, so not knowing if he was home, I hesitated.

 On my way from the supermarket, I passed his house and noticed his garage door open. I almost screamed, “YIPPEE!” But I didn’t. What I did was drive the few doors to my house and call.

 “I’m on my way out,” he started, “and probably won’t be back until around midnight but I’ll be home all day tomorrow. Drop it off anytime.”

 When he opened his front door, he almost laughed. “Again? What’s it doing this time?”

 After I told him of this latest saga, he said, “I’ll do my best. Keep your fingers crossed. But, according to what you told me, this isn’t going to be an easy or quick fix. That is if I can fix it at all.”

 I knew he’d do his best, just as I knew that laptop was already eight years old. Standing on my toes, yes, he’s tall, I kissed his cheek and said, “good luck.”

 I left, drove home, sat at my desk, and said, “Now, what the hell am I supposed to do? While I could probably pay my bills and check my email using my phone, any correspondence, stories, and bookkeeping were on my laptop.

I wondered if I’d ever see it again. Well, I knew I’d ‘see’ it again, but would it ever work again?

 Four days after I dropped the nemesis at my friend’s house, he sent a text. “I’m on my way.”

 Hmmph! What did that mean? Was it fixed? Or was he going to tell me it was beyond repair?

 I opened the door as he was about to knock.

 He held out my laptop and said, “It’s now working again. I just can’t guarantee for how much longer. But, at least, for now, it’s good.”

 I offered him a beer to celebrate but he declined saying he had a date but would raise a glass of wine with his girlfriend as they would definitely share another laugh about me and my albatross.