Satire
Certifiably Sane and Incredibly Rational
“Get back inside,” Kate said. She didn’t look happy. “Just a couple more minutes, and I’ll come to bed,” I said. “Rob, it’s two in the morning, it’s snowing, and you’re sitting on a lawn chair surrounded by empty beer bottles.”
By Robert Graziano2 years ago in Humor
The Great Key Kerfuffle: How a Tiny Misplacement Unlocked Townwide Chaos:
In the quaint hamlet of Picklewick (population: 723 and a very opinionated goat), Mayor Thaddeus P. Whifflebottom III was known for three things: his impeccably waxed mustache, his obsession with ceremonial rituals, and his uncanny ability to turn molehills into mountains. The town’s motto, “Order Above All, Except Maybe Pie,” was etched into every park bench, mailbox, and the goat’s collar.
By Sanchita Chatterjee2 years ago in Humor
"The Missing Donuts Scandal"
"The Missing Donuts Scandal" It was a normal Thursday morning in Nutville, a little town. A slight wind blew over the streets, and the sun broke through the clouds to illuminate the charming tiny houses and businesses. However, there was a problem at the neighborhood bakery, "Sweet Sensations."
By Rajoan Islam2 years ago in Humor
The Day My Dog Ran for Mayor.
In the town of Muffinville, where the annual highlight was the Great Jam Jar Toss and the mayor’s podium doubled as a squirrel-watching perch, life was anything but ordinary. The townsfolk wore mismatched socks on Tuesdays, argued passionately about the merits of crunchy vs. smooth peanut butter, and once elected a rubber duck as honorary town treasurer. So, when my golden retriever, Waffles, ended up on the mayoral ballot, no one batted an eye. At first.
By Sanchita Chatterjee2 years ago in Humor
"The Great Prank War at Work"
"The Great Prank War at Work" It all began quite casually. Dan, an extremely serious accountant, was clicking at spreadsheets while seated at his desk. Even though the office was business casual, he was the type of guy who always wore a suit and had the energy of a sloth after a three-day snooze. For him, work was all about numbers, following the rules, and staying away from anything that could even be called "fun."
By Rajoan Islam2 years ago in Humor
The Little Monsters
“Wake me up, before you go g-” “Ugh I’m really starting to HATE that song.” Kate groggily complained as she reached for her phone on the nightstand. She dismissed the alarm and before she could set the phone down, a Celine Dion song started playing, “And IIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIII will always love youuuuuu…” Well that was weird. After a few grumbles, she tossed her blanket to the other side of the bed with one last huff. She sat up with a long arm stretch to the sky, her silky midnight blue sleeves sliding to her elbows. She quickly found herself lost in thoughts of work and worry. Kate was a writer, she had written a couple books in the last few years that were published. They were good, but not best seller good. The pressure from her boss was on to write her first children's book. She needed inspiration. “Coffee before anything Kate.” she thought to herself while finishing her stretch. She pulled her sleeves straight and peeked over the edge of the bed to locate her slippers. But was met with nothing but the polished, wooden floor. It’s moments like these she regrets not making the time to get a nice fuzzy floor rug. She was startled back to reality by an English gentleman's voice. “So sorry madam, I was making sure Palla was prepping your morning beverage!” A zebra patterned shaggy rug appeared from the other room, Kate threw herself onto the bed with a shriek of horror. “Oh dear, not this again.” The rug stated with slight annoyance. Kate layed back on her pillow and took a deep breath. “Ok so I've finally cracked.” She waited a moment to sit up, to see if she would hear anything. *SILENCE*
By Tressa Rose2 years ago in Humor
The Great Grocery Escapade: When Shopping Becomes an Absurdist Adventure
Imagine stepping into your local grocery store, expecting nothing more than a routine shopping trip, only to find yourself caught in an epic saga where the tomatoes convene for secret council meetings to plot world domination, the self-checkout machines develop existential crises and start questioning the meaning of their existence, and the janitor, of all people, moonlights as a time-traveling philosopher—offering unsolicited lectures on the nature of time while subtly guiding your choices. Sounds ridiculous? Welcome to the world of the absurd, where even the most mundane moments become mind-bending odysseys, and reality is a mercurial, fleeting thing that laughs in the face of expectation.
By Alain SUPPINI2 years ago in Humor
Sundials and Eggtimers
To the readers. This story was indeed a challenge. The writing style is complicated and with an infusion of absurdity, unexpected humor, and twist, this one got my *hit in a knot. So yes, there is mild swearing and general confusion. But it's how we learn and Improve our writing. Writing is an art, an abstract art, and will convey several interpretations for the reader, peers and judges. Thanks for making this opportunity available for my attempt at finishing before the cut off. (Car horn blasting in the background) What, I just fell asleep! No way it's morning already! What the bloody hell! Damn im so tired. Damn work, seems like I just finished and then right back at it. I'm not sure if I need another job or vacation.(Cursing myself aloud). Hey Jimmy!! Come on! Let's go or we will be late for work! Yeah yeah Mikey! Hey Mikey, does it not seem like we just came back from work? Honestly I'm so bloody tired man. Man, it feels like I'm in that damn parallel paradigm! Ha, Jimmy, knock off that shit, you should have had lots of rest, today's Monday. Ha Ha. Come on, pitter patter, let's get at her. Fuck sakes Mikey, I must have fell asleep watching the Matrix. The tape must of kept looping. Honestly Jimmy, maybe it's time to set your alarm clock for a change and check out of the paradigm matrix parallel, ha ha. Sure Mikey, says the guy that uses Sundials and Egg timers, lol. Don't knock what you don't know Jimmy. One day your words will fuck you up. Bahaha. Alright, alright, alright let's go to the shit show Mikey. Jimmy, one shit show coming up. The sign reads "Sit with Us, Your Shit is our business" You know Mikey, your shit is really starting to smell bad, which makes this daily job that seems to last like a full on constipation episode from a sad soul that's dehydrated and sustained themselves on peanuts! Lmao Your a funny guy Jimmy, but this shit ain't gonna get done by itself. Hold on, I just put in a 4 hour shift with you so far. So you say Jimmy, but look at the clock. Damn, man. This is another Neverending day. Jimmy, did you ever think.you would be in the parallel paradigm? You know, when someone hacks your sleep and your nano implants don't know any different? Excuse me Mikey, but what the fuck are you trying to tell me? Oh, wait, bad shit happens to the unsuspected? Or maybe instead of cleaning outhouses, we are funneling methane to gaslight the construction works for more production, less pay, more hours and no weekends!? Fuck Mikey, settle the hell down.( As Mikey spits out his coffee just like a straight shot of projectile diarrhea.) Knock it off Jimmy, you know as well as I that we we just drop the Johnny's and the Jennies at the construction sites. I know. I know Mikey. But my days are running long. I always wonder about these crazy theories of time loops, lapses and even collapses. Jimmy, it's going to be payday soon, so relax and don't get your shit in a knot. Just set your alarm and ditch the matrix for maybe, I dunno, Dr. Who! Haha, that was definitely called for Jimmy! See you tomorrow Jimmy. Yeah, see you tomorrow Mikey. Now hear is where I am confused. Mikey, just before pulling away, flipped his silly egg timer. At that moment, I nearly shat my pants. I bolted to my garden and looked over at my sundial. I was in awe. My sundial had overgrowth. I Cleared the overgrowth and started to yell and curse kinda like a constipated soul that was silly enough to did for 18 hours on the toilet and still not shit. I caregully realigned my sundial,went in the house, ate showered and changed, and walked out the front door. Perfect timing I mused, Mikey, pulled up and yelled out the window," Cmon Jimmy boy". "Pay Day" today. Yeah Mikey! Friday couldn't come soon enough. The queen shits today!, and so do do our clients. Lol. That was a big week for us Jimmy. Yeah Mikey, it was. And a good suggestion to watch something else. Watched Peter Pan actually. Mikey stammrred "Eh, Jimmy isn't that based on someone loosing their marbles?" Yeah it was Mikey! So Jimmy, do you want uo play some poker with your digital serial numbers on your check? Sure Mikey, let's go all in blind? Oh, Jimmy, remember the shit luck you have eh? Actually I meant you could probably use do.e shot luck yoday. lol I'm going to back up my bet today! Sounds like your getting constipated? No chance Mikey. Well. Readers, I'm sure you all knew how this turned out. This game was tense. But after Jimmie showed his hand, Mikey was distraught, he lost his shit, just outside of the shop under the sign."Sit with Us Your Shit Is Our Business". Mikey then asked "how?" Jimmy replied "The sun always shines Mikey". And just after that statrment, Mikey lost his shit, he grabbed his chest, and murmured " Fuckin Sun Dial, you found the overgrowth, eh Jimmy?" I Did Mikey, and today you work for me" And as soon as Jimmy ended his gloating, he grabbed the chest pocket knce more and flipped his egg timer. (Car horn blasting in the background) What, I just fell asleep! No way it's morning already! What the bloody hell! Damn im so tired. Damn work, seems like I just finished and then right back at it. I'm not sure if I need another job or vacation.(Cursing myself aloud).
By Vinn Black2 years ago in Humor
Tom's Trojan Paste. Runner-Up in Absurdist Awakening Challenge.
I switched toothpastes when the conspiracy theories finally got to me. Patty Lovarco, my seventh grade science teacher, was the first to warn me about the toxic effects of fluoride. Since then, I had done a bit of research, and searched my soul for an answer to the question: "Would my own government really do that to me?"
By A. S. Lawrence2 years ago in Humor
