Funny
TURNING 70. Top Story - August 2024.
Should I wake up breathing on August 24th, people who have known me since my youth will say that I beat the odds. No one-- and I do mean no one-- believed I would survive my 20s. My Mother used to say, whenever I called from a payphone in the middle of nowhere, "You're going to end up dead in a ditch!"
By Tina D'Angelo2 years ago in Humor
What I've Learned from Living in Montréal...
It must be said that certain towns have a charm of their own, one that you do not appreciate until you leave and see what the wider world provides. I have lived in Montréal since the early 2000s (had visited in 1999 after attending a wedding), and I see no reason to return to my hometown (Hamilton), its loud neighbour (Toronto), or any other region I cannot afford or access without the benefit of an automobile.
By Kendall Defoe 2 years ago in Humor
Starving Artist Stops Abusing Food. Top Story - August 2024.
I often see those success stories of people with humble and/or difficult beginnings finally breaking into the entertainment industry as a writer or actor. He was living out of his car before he made it. Wow, my car looks like someone lives in it, but that's it. Her parents abandoned her and she bounced from foster home to foster home before achieving success. Wow, I have great and supportive parents. Bummer. He worked at a grocery store during the day and pulled overnight shifts as a janitor for years before he was discovered. Wow! I deal with shit at work, but not literal shit! I’ve looked at my own life. My parents didn’t abandon me, I hadn’t gone through financial hardships that cost me a home… I don’t have this incredible story of rags to riches. I’m just over here… living. So, am I going to be able to make it as a writer without the story? It’s as if I need the tough beginnings in order to make it, and I didn’t have those. However, I may finally have someone to thank. My job. My job may have given me just what I needed.
By Stephen Kramer Avitabile2 years ago in Humor
What Goes Around Comes Around
Sophia Williams sat at the head of the long, oak conference table, her presence commanding the room. She had just secured another major contract for her thriving architectural firm, cementing her reputation as one of the most formidable businesswomen in the city. Her peers admired her success, but whispers of her ruthless tactics often followed her out of earshot. Sophia's rise to the top hadn't been easy. Born into a modest family, she had clawed her way up, determined to escape her humble beginnings. She learned early on that compassion and kindness were weaknesses, often exploited by those more cunning. So, she adopted a strategy of cold calculation and relentless ambition. Her motto was simple: "Win at any cost." Her most recent victory involved a struggling family business, Thompson & Sons Construction. The Thompsons had built homes in the community for generations, their name synonymous with quality and trust. But times had been tough, and their finances were faltering. Sophia saw an opportunity and pounced. She approached the Thompsons with an offer they couldn't refuse—or so she thought. The eldest son, David, was adamant about keeping the business in the family. He refused Sophia's lowball offer, despite their financial woes. Infuriated by his resistance, Sophia resorted to underhanded tactics. She spread false rumors about the company's solvency, sowed discord among its employees, and eventually forced them into a position where selling to her was their only option. With a sense of triumph, she acquired Thompson & Sons for a fraction of its worth, dismantling the business and absorbing its assets into her own firm. David Thompson was left shattered. His family legacy, built over decades, was gone. The community that once looked up to the Thompsons now turned a blind eye, swayed by the promises and allure of Sophia's sprawling enterprise. David's sense of failure was compounded by the personal devastation he felt—his father had died heartbroken, and his younger siblings scattered, seeking work elsewhere. Life moved on for Sophia. Her empire grew, and her wealth multiplied. But beneath the veneer of success, subtle cracks began to form. It started with insomnia. Night after night, she lay awake, haunted by shadows and whispers she couldn't quite place. Her dreams, once a sanctuary of inspiration, became battlegrounds of guilt and regret. One night, as she stared at the ceiling, she heard a faint knock at her door. The sound was so soft she wondered if it was real. Ignoring it, she tried to close her eyes, but the knock came again, louder this time. Annoyed, she got up and opened the door to find no one there. A cold draft blew through the hallway, sending a shiver down her spine. She closed the door quickly, telling herself it was just the wind. The next day, as she reviewed the blueprints for a new project, her mind kept drifting back to the night before. She brushed it off as fatigue, but the knocking returned each night, growing more persistent. The insomnia worsened, and Sophia's health began to decline. Dark circles ringed her once-bright eyes, and her sharp mind dulled with exhaustion. One evening, as she worked late in her office, she saw a figure out of the corner of her eye. Startled, she turned, but the figure was gone. Shaking, she decided to leave early. As she stepped outside, the air felt heavy, almost oppressive. She hurried to her car, glancing over her shoulder, feeling an inexplicable sense of being watched. Days turned into weeks, and the disturbances escalated. Objects in her home moved on their own, documents disappeared from her desk only to reappear in odd places, and the whispers grew louder. They seemed to emanate from the walls, the floors, the very air around her. "You can't escape," they hissed. "You will pay." Desperate, Sophia sought help from a psychiatrist, who diagnosed her with severe anxiety and prescribed medication. But the pills offered little relief. The haunting continued, growing more vivid and terrifying. One night, as she stood in front of her bathroom mirror, the face staring back at her morphed into that of David Thompson. "You destroyed us," he whispered, his eyes filled with sorrow and anger. Sophia screamed and stumbled back, shattering the mirror in her panic. Terrified and unraveling, Sophia reached out to a spiritual advisor, hoping for some form of solace. The advisor, an elderly woman named Madame Zara, listened to Sophia's story with a grave expression. "Karma is a powerful force," she said. "It seeks balance, and it seems yours is severely out of alignment." Madame Zara advised Sophia to seek forgiveness from those she had wronged. "Only by making amends can you hope to find peace," she said. Sophia was skeptical but desperate. She tracked down David Thompson, who now lived in a small apartment on the outskirts of the city, working a modest job in construction. When she arrived at his doorstep, David was shocked to see her. The once-confident and imposing Sophia Williams now stood before him, a shadow of her former self. Her eyes pleaded for mercy. "David, I’m sorry," she began, her voice trembling. "I know I caused you and your family unimaginable pain. I was blinded by ambition and greed. Please, forgive me." David listened in silence, his expression unreadable. When she finished, he took a deep breath. "You took everything from us, Sophia. My father's health, our family's legacy, our community’s trust. Forgiveness isn’t something I can give lightly." Sophia nodded, tears streaming down her face. "I understand. But I need to make things right, if not for your forgiveness, then to silence the torment in my soul." Moved by her evident suffering, David agreed to let her try to make amends. Sophia offered to use her resources to help rebuild Thompson & Sons Construction. She provided financial backing, helped secure contracts, and used her influence to restore the company’s reputation. As the months passed, Thompson & Sons began to regain its footing. The community, seeing Sophia's genuine efforts, started to trust her intentions. David, though initially wary, found it difficult to remain resentful as he watched her toil alongside his family, genuinely committed to their recovery. Sophia’s health slowly improved. The whispers and apparitions diminished, replaced by a newfound sense of purpose. She realized that her relentless pursuit of success had cost her more than she ever understood. The redemption she sought was not just for the Thompsons, but for herself. One day, as she walked through a newly completed housing development, built by Thompson & Sons with her support, she felt a profound sense of peace. The houses stood as a testament to resilience, community, and the possibility of redemption. She knew the journey of atonement was ongoing, but for the first time in years, she slept soundly, her dreams free from haunting whispers. In the end, karma had indeed been a relentless force, pushing Sophia to confront the consequences of her actions. But it also offered a path to redemption, one paved with humility, compassion, and the hard work of making amends. Sophia learned that true success lay not in the accumulation of wealth and power, but in the strength of character, the sincerity of one’s efforts to right their wrongs, and the bonds of trust and respect built with others. The story of Sophia Williams serves as a powerful reminder that karma is not just a force of retribution but also a catalyst for personal growth and redemption. It teaches us that the actions we take, whether good or bad, inevitably shape our lives and the lives of those around us. In the end, the echoes of karma remind us that the path to true peace and fulfillment lies in integrity, empathy, and the courage to seek forgiveness and make things right.
By Leroy payne2 years ago in Humor
Nandhan and priya
In the bustling corridors of Aether College, where the hum of electronic gadgets and the murmur of eager students filled the air, Nandhan and Priya's paths crossed. Both were students in the Electronics and Communication Engineering (ECE) department, their lives interwoven by fate and a shared passion for technology.
By Mohamed Wahid2 years ago in Humor
funny situations in life
How did she get so dirty that she brought it onto the couch? Oh no, who scared you? Why are you scared? Did you just eat a whole carton of eggs? How did you manage that? She ate the plant. What's that noise coming from you? I don't know. Uh-oh, I guess you don't have to drive after all. Why did you bite me? Don't do that! Did you chew up this pillow? Are you serious, Prim? Stop! Your tail is hitting you. What do you think of that little baby? Come on, look at this! Oh my gosh, watch out—this is hilarious! Go, go, go! Follow me downstairs. Oh look, they know we’re watching. Who did it? I think someone lost a horse; it just showed up in my garage. Apparently, it likes the wood stove. Are you kidding me? Oh no, buddy! Did they pose for the photo? Did you get it? What is this? This is what we have to deal with. Come on, Lou, inside! Pepper, do you want to go outside? Or is it too cold? Big dogs are supposed to be super smart. Salem, where did you find a whole sausage, and why do you think you can eat that? Can I talk? Am I allowed to? There's a new toy Dad bought him, and he’s just hitting everyone with it. Are you hungry? Oh, I think you do want to eat it. Ow! That was supposed to be on the counter! That's dangerous. Hi there! Let’s go to the other side and leave those push pins so we can take him out with the felt. Hi, Kitty! You're so cute. If anyone asks me for a house tour, this is the video I’ll send them. Is it just me, or does he not know how to desert? His head fits in my hand, and oh my gosh, he’s snoring! Look at her; she’s shaped like a soup. Good morning! I can’t go outside and play, silly boy. You're being quite demanding. So, I'm having lunch and I have a visitor. He's so cute! For the last time, Matthew, it’s nap time—go back to bed. Do you want me to put you in timeout? What are we doing right now? We think Ember swallowed Mom's diamond ring. Hang on while I check for the chip. There’s a ring! What are we about to do? Open the door. The crow master has arrived! Hey, what do you have? Is that a shoe and a purse? Why do you have your head in the cup? Wake up! Why are you such a mess? Shall we find out what you got into? Okay, this is called calling your dog without calling your dog. Kona, can you get off the carpet, please? Rock, paper, scissors—shoot! Eat it, eat it, eat it! Quit using that tooth on me; you’re cheating! Can you let go of me, please? Grandma, you better be ready to sprint; three babies are getting up! Jesus, get in the house! If you’re watching this video right now and you’re a possum, I want you to know you need to wear a seatbelt—no one is above the law! You act just like your father. If you have something to say, say it! Was that on video? Hi, baby! Hi, puppy! He’s got the zoomies! Well, Dan, it’s a good thing you came into my office today because it looks like you have quite a few cavities. Here it is—did you do that? No, no! Oh no, we have another mess! What are you doing? It’s my dog! Can you not do that, Zena? Get in the back and don’t do that! I’ll be right back. He sees himself! One, two, three, go! Are you okay? That was karma! What are you doing, watching Chile eat and cuddling with him? Am I a genius? Now we take the lead, and our defense is playing phenomenal football. Are you mad? Oh my God, what is that on your legs? Get back in this yard! She’s fighting me! This is my baby, not yours! Be nice; that’s Daddy’s friend! Let him pet you. Hey, you can’t do that anymore; you’re making a mess! She’s going to scratch me! Don’t bite it; it stinks! Get it off of me! No, no! There we go! Yay, Moosey, were you sniffing the pet? Sit!
By Tiep Le Anh2 years ago in Humor
The Ultimate List of Weird American Town Names: Part 1
Living the South, I’m no stranger to unusual and hard to pronounce town names. I have been to Burnt Corn, Slapout, and Smut Eye — and still giggle every time I see them. Here are some of the weirdest town names from around the United States!
By Kassondra O'Hara2 years ago in Humor
