Wrong Person, Wrong Time

When you experience real love for the first time, you realise how nothing else before it even came close. It feels like the entire world stops spinning and the only thing that matters, is them. Every moment you spend together is bliss, and every parting is sorrow. I have experienced it once before, and although I like to believe that we can have more than one true love in this life, I am still yet to find another. Once you experience real love, you can’t settle for anything less.

I have been single for the last five years, not counting a few short-lived romances that had me fooled into thinking I was in love. Although I would prefer to meet someone organically, my work schedule allows for little time to immerse myself in social settings. So instead, I’ve used dating apps intermittently throughout the years, and it’s always the same routine: redownload all of the dating apps, mindlessly scroll through profiles for a week, maybe talk to a few people and then eventually delete them all once I’ve gotten bored again. I find the whole experience too impersonal.

Occasionally, someone will pique my interest enough that I will meet up with them for a date, which is what I did tonight. We spoke for about a week by the time I agreed to go out with him. He had bright blue eyes and dirty blonde hair that was reminiscent of Leonardo DiCaprio’s hair in the 90’s. He was sweet, charismatic and the conversation had flowed so naturally. We decided to go out for a drink, and he told me he had the perfect spot in mind.

I walked into the dimly lit wine bar that he had chosen and stood in the entry way trying to find him in the crowd. It was a small, outdated looking room, with dark red walls and gold detailing everywhere you looked. I eventually spotted him sitting up at the bar, waving me over, a soft smile on his face. As I sat down on the hard leather stool beside him, I noticed he was looking down at his phone.

‘Hey! Sorry I won't be a moment I just need to check something,’ he said, as I watched him scroll through emails on his phone.

We sat in silence for a minute before he spoke again, ‘so sorry about that, how are you? Did you have a good day?’ he asked, as he placed his phone onto the bar, face up.

Just as soon as he had asked, the waiter came over and asked if we wanted to order anything. Before I could answer, he quickly ordered for the both of us, ‘two glasses of merlot please.’ I was about to correct the order when he started on a lengthy spiel about how good this wine was, and he was sure I was going to love it.

I don’t like red wine.

The waiter returned with the merlot a few minutes later and placed it on the black bar runner in front of us. My date was still talking about the complexity of the wine and making comments about tasting notes. From what I heard anyway, I wasn’t really paying attention, but neither was he. I wondered if he had realised yet that I hadn’t said a single thing since I sat down.

His phone screen lit up and he reached for it, apologising again. He started to tell me about how busy his day had been at work and how much he needed to get done before the weekend.

I picked up the wine in front of me and started to softly swirl it, watching the deep red liquid slightly cling to the side of the glass as it spun around and around. I was so focused on the wine, I hadn’t noticed he had asked me a question.

‘Hello?’ He looked at me, confused, his head slightly tilted.

‘Sorry, what was that?’ I replied, placing the glass back on the bar.

‘I asked what you do with yourself’, he said.

‘Oh, I’m a photographer.’ I answered quickly, readjusting myself on the stool.

His phone screen lit up and he glanced over to read the notification that had popped up on the screen, I recognised the dating app logo.

‘Photography, do you get a lot of work doing that?’ he asked quizzically.

‘Yeah actually, I do, I’ve been doing it for a few years now and have a handful of frequent clients. I really enjoy—', he cut me off before I could finish. ‘I just don’t know how people can work in the arts, it just doesn’t seem stable, I mean my parents would’ve killed me if I didn’t pursue a solid career, you know?’.

I didn’t bother responding, I knew he was going to continue on his tangent about how it’s important to have a steady income and I wasn’t in the mood to hear someone else explain my own career to me. Especially someone who clearly wasn’t interested in hearing my experience.

I placed my elbow on the bar, resting my head in the palm of my hand. I focused on a single strand of hair that was sticking out on the right side of his head so I could avoid eye contact.

I began thinking about the man I had fallen in love with, Jamie. We had met in France while I was travelling around Europe. He showed me so much kindness and love in the short time that I knew him. We would stay up for hours until the sun rose, talking about all of our hopes and dreams.

One night when we were talking about the future, I had told him I wanted to pursue photography full time. I hadn’t told anyone else yet, I was worried I wasn’t good enough and didn’t want my fears confirmed.

He placed both of his hands over mine, looked me in my eyes and said, “we waste so much of what little time we have in this life because we’re too scared to follow our passions, you need to choose yourself.”

He never spoke over me or interrupted me and he sure as hell never ordered for me. He is the only person who has made me understand the idea of ‘right person, wrong time.’ He is the reason I will never settle.

Almost immediately I realised that I was wasting my time humouring a man who was clearly only interested in hearing himself speak. I hopped off the bar stool and began walking towards the exit.

‘Wait! Where are you going?’ My date called out as I walked away.

I stopped walking and turned back around to face him. I smiled at him as he sat there bewildered and simply replied,

‘I don’t like merlot.’