What Real Men Can Learn From Fictional Boyfriends

See that girl?

The one with the book in her hand, giggling like a 13-year old, her face flushed and her eyes quickly moving across the page as if she can’t stop reading for even a second?

Yeah, her. Let me tell you something — she’s probably reading about a perfect fictional man delivering all the perfect lines while perfectly smirking and lightly touching his fictional girlfriend’s face. Then he slowly lifts her chin, looks into her eyes and says in a deep voice, “It’s you. It’s always been you.” Her throat tightens, and as she stares at him his eyes scan her face, stopping at her lips. Then he…

Sorry, I got a little distracted there.

Look, real men are great. I love them. Well, some of them at least.

Have you ever met a girl who’s never been in love with a fictional man, though? Yeah, me neither. Ever since girls start devouring Young Adult books in their teens, they encounter dozens upon dozens of fictional guys who sweep them off their feet.

And 99% of the time, these guys are written by female authors.

My question, ladies and gentlemen, is this: If there’s a general consensus that fictional boyfriends are the best kind of men there is, why are real-life men still so confused about what women want?

All you have to do is open a Young Adult fantasy book. Twilight, Shadow and Bone, A Court of Mist and Fury, The Hunger Games, there are tons out there. All featuring irresistible men who fulfil every woman’s desires while not even existing — imagine what you, an existing entity, could do!

Here are some lessons real men can learn from the fictional ones.

Women Aren’t That Complicated — We Just Want the Best of Both Worlds

Take love triangles.

One is a morally grey character (often dark-haired — although dyeing your hair just to appear morally grey might be overdoing it) with a cold heart and a mischievous grin.

He’s smart, he’s powerful in one way or another (rich, has mindblowing magical abilities, is extra smart, strong, there are many possibilities to go for), he doesn’t easily open up.

But then… he meets her. And as they get to know each other, she knowingly or unknowingly breaks his barriers, melts his heart, brings out the warm undertones of his personality.

He’s still a bad boy in some way, he’s still powerful and witty and full of mischief, but now he has a soft spot: and that’s the woman he loves.

On the opposite side of the equation, you’ve got the sweet cinnamon rolls. Take Peeta Mellark from The Hunger Games, for instance. I absolutely adore that guy — his power doesn’t lie in the obvious but rather the subtle. He’s great at public speeches and social interaction, he bakes yummy bread, and his kindness reaches the heavens.

And some women go crazy for him.

See? It’s not just bad boys we want. In fact, lots of books women love contain love triangles where both of these kinds of men are represented, and while some girls choose who they love more, many of us just really like both sides of the masculine.

The lesson? Women like it when you can be both. Show dominance and power, but also show kindness, respect and warmth.

You don’t have to be a bad boy who goes around breaking hearts to get the girl — just be yourself, and sometimes throw more assertiveness into the mix. Play around. Ask her what she likes.

Always try to be as authentic as you can, though. Don’t stretch yourself if it doesn’t feel at least a little natural.

When You Open Your Heart to Us, Our Own Hearts Melt

Remember that part about the morally grey character’s barriers breaking down?

Women love that. We love it because we want men to open up. Vulnerability and sharing lead to creating a deeper connection on a spiritual level.

What’s more, it’s hot knowing that the man you’re in love with trusts you enough to confide in you. It’s hot to know him fully, on a level others don’t come close to.

This doesn’t mean you have to spill all your secrets on the first date. That might be a bit too much.

But if you gradually open up, bit by bit, we’ll love every second of the process. Which brings me to another point.

Women Love to Feel Like They’re Enough to Be Special

Here’s what I find interesting about most books where the smirking villain falls for the girl: there is a uniting factor prevalent in all of these relationship dynamics.

She’s special to him.

In many books, the main female protagonist is described as average. She’s the everyday girl, the one who doesn’t really stand out from the crowd, the one who just gets on with her life and is authentically herself. She’s “just a Bella.”

But for some reason, the male love interest falls so hard for her that she gains a special place in his heart. And that’s why he opens up to her. That’s why he would kill for her, die for her, why he can’t stop thinking about her.

She captures his attention on an intrinsic level despite being “only” herself, and he grows so attached that he can’t imagine his life without her. He may be powerful, he may be in charge of a kingdom or a millionaire or a hero that will save the world, he may be admired as a legend by others… but she is the one thing he has a soft spot for.

She is what matters the most to him. She in her entirety. Not for anything special she’s done, not for any extra cool skill or a model-like body, but simply for who she is as a person.

Women — and probably all humans, really — want to feel like they are enough in and of themselves to be worthy of love. Of special attention.

Make sure you show your girlfriend how special she is. Tell her you wouldn’t want anyone else because nobody is her, and she is the only one you care about.

She wants to know she can’t be replaced. She wants to know that the romantic side of you is focused solely on her, that you love every detail about her, that you’d move mountains for her.

It’s as simple as that.

Show Us How Much You Want Us

Another side of the same coin is the sexual part of relationships.

Once again, I’ve noticed there’s something present in most steamy scenes I’ve read in books loved by the female audience. And that’s being wanted. Fiercely.

Women love to hear you can’t stop thinking about them. We love it when no matter how busy you are, no matter what important responsibilities you have, no matter if you have to save your entire realm or not, you just can’t get us out of your mind.

You can’t wait until the next time you can finally kiss her. When you’re in bed with her, buried in her scent, you feel like you never want this moment to end. You’re overcome by a deep desire for her, her soul and her body, and it drives you crazy.

We love driving men crazy.

Final Thoughts

See? It’s not that hard. Show confidence in all aspects of your masculinity, find a woman you trust enough to open up to her, and if you’re in love, show how much you want her and how special she is to you.

Also, stay respectful, be kind, and don’t be overly possessive. Possessiveness and jealousy may be nice if they’re very subtle and kind of playful — anything beyond that can turn toxic very quickly.

Now excuse me, I need to finish that scene:

Her throat tightens, and as she stares at him his eyes scan her face, stopping at her lips. Then he shakes his head as if in frustration. “You drive me mad.”

“Oh,” she says, incapable of forming any other words in her mind. The feeling of his fingers on her skin makes her feel like her body is burning.

He just looks at her for a few moments, not wanting to take his eyes off her. With what seems to be a tremendous amount of effort, he finally steps back. “I wish I could…” He doesn’t finish the thought. The endless possibilities linger in the air as he shakes his head again. “I’ll see you later.”

Even after he’s long gone, she can still feel the phantom touch of his hand on her face.

To be continued.