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What I Discovered about Polyamorous Relationships

My co-worker's polyamorous relationship was a hot mess!

By Justiss GoodePublished 2 years ago 9 min read
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Photo Credit: Canva.com

I don't know about anyone else, but I've always had a certain impression about people who have romantic relationships that involve a different lifestyle than the so called "norm".

When it comes to this whole issue of polyamorous love and romance, I used to secretly think it sounded like a brave and liberating thing to do.

Keep reading, and I'll tell you what changed my mind about this. Afterwards, you can make your own determination.

What is a Polyamorous relationship?

First of all, before we go any further; let me make sure we're all on the same page about what we're talking about.

I'm not referring to your typical love triangle, where somebody's cheating on someone else.

I'm not even talking about a less conventional relationship, where someone's cheating, but their mate just knows and accepts the arrangement.

To be clear, I'm talking about a very different lifestyle; where three people are all involved in a loving relationship, just like a couple, only there are 3 individuals, not 2.

Of course, that's my personal definition, for those of you who may have been wondering. But either way, it's an adequate description of the three people I'm getting ready to tell you about.

My Personal View

I'm always a big fan of expanding your mind and trying to understand how other people view things, especially about sexuality. But I have to admit, there are just some things I can't wrap my head around.

I already know that I'm a selfish person when it comes to sharing the object of my affection. I once broke up with a boyfriend because he was the only reliable male in his family, and they were always calling him for something.

At first I loved the fact that he was so family oriented (unlike my screwed up and completely dysfunctional folks). But after a while, it started to get on my nerves.

They called him for everything, and frankly, I got tired of sharing him. I didn't care if it was his cousins, and sister, and mother (okay, maybe that was going a bit far, but she called all the darn time too).

Anyway, so now you get my point about me not being able to share, so I never understood the whole polyamorous - three way love affair.

But like I said earlier; I still thought it sounded liberating and that it took courage, even if it wasn't for me.

Then, I met someone who was actually involved in this type of romantic relationship, and to my surprise, it was nothing like I imagined. Not only was it less liberating than I thought, but the whole thing was a hot mess!

A Crazy Lifestyle

Until I encountered this situation, I like to think that I was as liberal as the next person, especially in my late thirties- about 20 something years ago - which was when I first met this thruple (I've heard people refer to it this way).

When I met my co-worker Jeffrey (I'll just call him that), he used to come into my work area and joke around when he was on his break.

He was always a bit of a flirt, and even though he was definitely a tall drink of water (old folks expression for the sh*t), I wasn't interested. I was in a happy relationship, and had no intentions on jeopardizing it with this big whorish dude.

Jeff was a handsome guy, slim, bow-legged, and about 6'10" or a bit taller (uh huh, exactly). He was the product of a white dad and black mom, and in addition to his long stringy hair, his complexion was light enough to just about pass for white - just about.

He had a great sense of humor, and was very free with his opinion about things, that's why we clicked.

One particular day, when he was flirting, I reminded him that I had a boyfriend, and that's when he told me:

"I like to kid around, but I'm not looking for another woman right now. I already have two women I don't know what to do with."

Jokingly, I said: "Well you better make sure they don't find out about one another." And he proceeded to tell me they knew about each other. So naturally my response (after I caught my breath) was:

"And they're okay with that?"

"Yeah. We're all together."

That's when I held up my hand, and tried not to look as intrigued as I felt. "Never mind Jeffrey, never mind. I'm not trying to hear about your sex life."

Surprisingly enough, he was the one that blushed, because the blood rushed to his face and turned it a nice shade of pink.

"Nah. Not like that, I mean we're together…" And as I watched him struggle to decide how much he wanted to share with me, I set the tape gun I had been holding down on the table. I stopped taping the file boxes I'd been preparing to ship out, then gave him my full attention.

I could see he wasn't really struggling with how to talk about it, just whether he should talk about it to me, in our current work setting. Suddenly, even though no one else was in the room with us, we both started glancing around, as if we were being spied on.

We looked at each other and started laughing, and he share a few details with me. Between that day, and the coming days, I learned all about what an unbelievable lifestyle Jeff had led. I remember thinking: "Wow, you just never know."

Let me tell you what I ended up learning. In fact, once he opened up to me and told me about his situation, I somehow became his confidant.

We started taking lunches together so we could talk. As a result, I ended up getting entertainment, plus a lot of free meals. So here's what I found out when I initially talked to Jeffrey.

His Polyamorous Roots

Jeffrey told me his parents had actually been "swingers" - his words, not mine. I can only tell you that I have no idea precisely what he meant by that, or the logistics of it all, but he said they lived an open life; it wasn't a secret, at least not to him when he was growing up.

Here again, I didn't ask too much, because I'm not sure I could deal with the answers, so I tried not to be a looky loo about it all. As far as his polyamorous relationship, he never really used that term.

He did tell me that both him and his girlfriend Marlene were united in the decision to add a third person (Tracy), and that although the three of them didn't live together, the other girl spent a lot of time with them, just like ordinary couples who live apart do.

I have to admit, when he told me they all had a romantic relationship, I secretly doubted it. I figured it was really just about the sex, but they colored it that way, so people wouldn't discriminate and look at them sideways.

But to my surprise, I found out he wasn't lying, several weeks later, when I met both his girlfriends. They came to an office barbecue, but of course, he didn't introduce them around like they were his little harem.

I, on the other hand, knew who they were, so I watched the dynamics between them. I could see their connection in all their hidden looks and inconspicuous touches. It was like watching two lovers trying to keep their affair a secret, only it was the three of them, in cahoots.

I guess Jeffrey told them I knew their little secret, because I noticed they were a little more lax and behaved a bit more obvious in my presence.

If I hadn't been such a good actress myself, I would have given the whole thing away. I'm certain there were times my mouth must have been hanging open. Once again, I felt like I was privy to a movie that no one else was watching.

His Polyamorous Mess

If I tried to sit here and tell you how that barbecue never entered my mind again, I'd be lying. I thought about it the rest of the weekend. I just couldn't believe the lifestyle Jeffrey was living, and no one had a clue.

After the barbecue, I got to analyze the three of them together a lot more, whenever the women would join Jeffrey for lunch.

These were on days when Marlene was off work, and the three of them would grab something to eat near where me and Jeff worked, since Tracy also worked in the area.

I liked both the women and couldn't understand how it worked. I just kept thinking how I'd be way too jealous for such a relationship. I even asked Marlene about it one day, and she told me she loved it.

She said she had actually left her last boyfriend because he wasn't "down with it" and once again, I couldn't believe what I was learning.

Jeffrey didn't waste any time telling me when things started going wrong in his love life. I was the first one to learn about the trouble he was having in paradise. I heard about it from him, because even though I had a good rapport with the women, Jeffrey was my friend.

It started one day after I noticed him and Tracy leaving the job together. I assumed maybe Marlene had dropped her off, and she was riding with Jeff back to wherever.

But later that week, they started having issues, apparently about him seeing Tracy outside of whatever arrangement the three of them had in place.

Personally, it made absolutely no sense to me. They all ate together, played together, cleaned house together, and obviously slept together, so what was the problem?

According to him, all those things were fine, just as long as they all did them together, all the time. In other words, no two of them could deviate, and do something without the third, unless the two were Jeff and Marlene.

From that day forward, problems began to happen fast in what I thought was their little threesome Utopia.

Jeff would come to work pissed, and wanting to tell me what was going on, from the moment him and Marlene split, to when her and Tracy hooked up exclusively. But the final shocker for me came when I learned that Marlene had went back to her former boyfriend; both her and Tracy.

Final Thoughts

As you can see from my co-worker's hot mess of an affair, polyamorous relationships may not be all they're thought to be. That could be taken in the negative and the positive sense.

Just in case anyone happens to be in a polyamorous relationship that doesn't function like the one I discussed, please don't take offense. I'm only sharing what I learned from this specific relationship.

So to recap what I discovered, as brought out above:

  • Polyamorous relationships are not just about sex, unlike most people tend to believe.
  • Men are not always the ones who suggest or want a polyamorous relationship (Some relationships may not even involve men)
  • Polyamorous relationships are not the happy, carefree relationships people might assume them to be.

Clearly, just like any traditional romantic relationship involving just two people, polyamorous relationships may contain some of the same issues and challenges; plus one.

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FOLLOW ME FOR MORE STORIES, PERSONAL EXPERIENCES, AND LIFE LESSONS - Enjoy a little bit of Justiss every day :-)

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About the Creator

Justiss Goode

Old crazy lady who loves to laugh and make others smile, but most of all, a prolific writer who lives to write! Nothing like a little bit of Justiss every day :-)

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