The thin illusion

I kept my brown eyes pressed down, avoiding any eye contact at all. The High School gym was muggy and smelled like old socks, and as usual, was filled with a bunch of hormone-strung Freshman at 9 in the morning. Seeing this was the first week of school, and our first P.E. I really really hoped we didn’t play dodgeball. Coach Stone was using the bathroom and my class, and I was waiting for him to come back in. We were all gathered around the climbing rope.

“Hey Lia! Climb the rope-if you can!” A loud voice jeered at me as I cringed. Of course, Cole Julians had decided to pick on me this morning. Again.

A high-pitched laugh filled the gym as Ashely Boldrock sashayed over to me. She giggled again “Cole there’s no way Lia could climb the rope without crushing the entire school!” Most of my Freshman class laughed, and I blinked back the tears threatening to spill. I twisted my bracelets, all symbolizing my love of music, and tried really, really, hard not to cry. Just then, Coach Stone walked into the gym, he cupped his hands to his mouth and yelled “LET’S GOOOOO FRESHMAN!!!! WHO'S READY TO PLAY...... DODGEBALL!!!!” My entire class went nuts, jumping up and down and screaming. Yep, here at Westwood Prep Dodgeball was a favorite in my P. E because there were NO. STINKING.RULES.

I hated P.E so much because of the constant narks and bullying directed at me. I didn’t even deserve it for goodness' sake! I had long black hair, brown eyes, and tan skin. Oh yeah- I also weighed 195 lbs. and was only 5’1. That was a fact Ashley-size-three-jeans made sure I never forgot.

Coach Stone scanned the crowd, and his eyes fell on pretty blonde-haired-icy-blue-eyed-flawless-makeup Ashley.

“YOU! STEP UP AND SAY YOUR NAME! YOU WILL BE TEAM CAPTAIN!” Coach said. (why did he always speak so loudly???) Ashley smiled an icy smile, stepped over the line, and turned to face our little Freshman class of 15 people.

“Hey! I am ----Ashley and I’m 15! I went to Paris, Spain, and Greece this summer and if you need some fashion advice, I’m your girl! "She finished that off with a cute little wave and wink, but I knew better. Ashley was not a sweet angel, oh no, she was the worst mean girl in prep school. She was in my 8th grade class at Everwood Academy and was awful. But that was weird, just then she had stumbled over her name, almost like she didn’t recognize it.

Coach Stone praised her for her “uniqueness” but instead of smiling Ashley glanced at Bianca. Bianca shook her head. But before I could think much about that, I noticed Coach Stone scanned the crowd again and for some unknown reason he chose ME to be another captain.

****************************************************I trudged to my bus at the end of the day wincing from all the dodgeball-bruises. PE had been brutal, as well as the rest of the day. Ashley stood in front of my bus along with her minions Bianca, a gorgeous blonde with short curls, and Amber, a long blond-haired girl. Ashley giggled as I stepped onto my bus steps “See you tomorrow fatty!” I turned to look at her tears in my eyes, and for a second something like remorse lit up her face, but then I turned away. I found a seat on the bus far away from Ashley and closed my eyes. I was sick of being the fattest girl at this prep school; I was sick of my clothes not fitting and being humiliated EVERY SINGLE DAY. I needed a change, I needed to fit in. I grabbed my phone and started scrolling online for a cleanse, or workout, or anything that would get me EXTREME results very fast. Something caught my eye, and I clicked onto it.

“FOR SEROIUS WEIGHT LOSERS!! Try this drink and watch your fat melt-OVERNIGHT! But remember- not only will your fat disappear-your personality will slowly dull too, it works but...... BE CAREFULL!”

I scrolled down to the address it listed and smiled. It was only a block away from my house! I hailed the bus driver and bustled up to the front. She let me off the bus, and I scurried over the house the address was listed at. I skipped up to the house and the door swung open revealing a VERY SLIM woman who I felt like I had seen before. She smiled at me “Here you go dearie! Enjoy!” She handed me a vial and her purple bracelets clanking. She shut the door in my face, and I looked at the vial she had slipped into my hand. It was metallic-shimmery purple, and the cap was glowing.

****************************************************That night I climbed into bed, and downed the purple goop. It tasted like burnt pop-tarts. I slipped into sleep......

****************************************************The next morning I felt sort of buzzy, like a million watts of energy was on my skin. It took me 3 tries to remember my name but then I looked at myself. HOLY CRAP! My ABS were showing, I never had ABS before. My flabby skin was gone, leaving me with smooth, tight, toned skin. I smiled at myself in the mirror, pleased that the goop had worked.

All Saturday I did cardio and slept hoping that my parents wouldn't question my new transformation. On Sunday I went on a run and then came home and fell asleep-dog tired.

Monday morning, I woke up early and got dressed for school and raced onto the bus. When Ashley saw me, her jaw dropped, but there was also something like fear in her eyes. But a glare from her vanished it instantly. I smiled, brushing past her “Lots of cardio helped me tone down to size 2 jeans.” I whispered and her face turned a shade of purple that made me laugh.

At lunch I giggled as I stepped into the pizza line while Ashley got salad, glaring at me. I ignored her and grabbed my cup of the daily shiny purple juice the school had us all drink for nutrition. It still tasted gross to me, kind of burnt. It tasted familiar too, but I wasn't quite sure where I had tasted it before. As I was walking away a caught this scene in the reflection of the door- Ashley grabbing two cups and downing them. She must have been thirsty.

When PE came around, I pulled on my new shorts, and top and skipped out to the gymnasium. Ashley and her minions exited the locker rooms at the same time as me, pulling their hair into swishy ponytails, and when Ashley caught me staring, she tossed her hair. Something in a purple vial rolled out of her pockets, but she didn’t seem to notice, and when I picked it up, Amber snatched it out of my hand with a frosty glare and flounced away. “Cole! Let’s be captains today kay?” Ashley called out sweetly as brown-haired Cole stalked over to me. He stopped, barely glanced in her direction, and shrugged. “Maybe but I was thinking me and Lia could do it, you know, like be team captains or whatever.” I pushed my dark hair out of my face. “Uhm, okay, I guess.” I replied and Cole smiled.

Bianca walked into the gym and turned towards Ashley “Alexis let’s -” her voice was cut off as Ashley grabbed Bianca and Amber’s arms and hauled them out of the gym, no doubt to go sulk. That was weird. There was no Alexis in my class. So why did Ashley freak out when Bianca accidentally called her Alexis?

****************************************************The next few days my head felt fuzzy, and I was having trouble remembering what had happened the day before, but brushing it off mom dropped me off at the school on Thursday morning and waved me goodbye, her purple bracelets twinkling, I waved back and headed into the school.

Before the bell rang, I was at my locker grabbing my biology books when Ashley, Bianca, and Amber all strode up to me. Ashley flipped her hair and glared at me. Ashley glanced at my locker mirror and flinched, she caught me watching her and sneered “You know just because you may be a lot smaller now, nobody likes you any different, you’re still the loser.” She snapped

I shook with anger

“Yeah well, just because YOU may be more popular than me-no one thinks you’re any nicer! Beauty always fades Ashley!”

I snarked back at her, and something flickered in her eyes, and I slammed my locker shut and stomped away.

The rest of the day went by weirdly fast and when mom picked me up, she asked if I was feeling okay. I said yes, and she looked relieved. But something felt off about the way she looked at me.

The next day I got up early to plan an outfit to wear. For some reason a new purple blouse hung in my closet, and I snatched it, wanting to wear it. Alot of the girls at school wore purple and Ashley did too. I set off to school in it, matching mom who had a purple cardigan today.

When mom saw me, she smiled, but it didn’t quite reach her eyes; she dropped me off, fear etched on her face. I scurried into the school.

Next day at lunch I felt icky, like I was no better than Ashley. Deciding to skip the lunch of melted cheese omelets, I locked myself in a stall with my phone. I scrolled to the website about the purple tonic goop and re-read it all. At the bottom in fine red print reads “All who take this will eventually end up looking like each other” I gasped and raced to the mirror. My normal black hair looked lighter, almost blond. My brown eyes now looked blue-too blue like an icy blue reminding me of......................... ASHLEY! I looked like Ashley now, meaning did she take the tonic too? What about Bianca and Amber?

A horrible feeling spread through me as I looked in that mirror, and I realized I didn’t just look like Ashlely, I was literally acting JUST LIKE HER. My mean remark to her that morning, and the fact that Amber and Bianca looked like her had me almost hyperventilating. The more I thought about it the more I realized that last year Ashley was a brunette, and Bianca was a blonde, and Amber was a red-haired girl. The more and more I thought I remembered that Ashely also used to be overweight. I had just forgotten it, if forgotten was the right word. And is that why Ashley had panicked when Bianca called her Alexis? Because.... Because Ashley used to be like me. She used to be Alexis..... It was like that part of my brain had been wiped clean, and I unlocked my phone and scrolled down to the tonic website. I clicked on the owner of it, the slender lady who had given it to me, and my heart stopped. Because that lady was my mom. The room began spinning and I couldn't breathe. Because THAT WAS MY MOM. My own MOTHER had been selling this weird tonic, and I had forgotten what my mother looked like, because that was a side effect of it. It made you forget what the other people who also took it looked like. It altered your perception of others and their perception of you.

And then I thought about something I realized- what was in that bottle Ashley’s mom had handed her at our 8th grade graduation?

My phone dropped and I sat in shock as my hair turned even lighter. I pulled myself together and stepped back into the cafe through the bathroom doors. Ashley was there, she stared at me, and I stared back. Because we were just the same, we always had been; Ashley was me. Ashley was the person I didn’t want to be. My hands shaking Bianca turned to face me her blonde hair swishing. Next to Ashley she looked like her clone, and that’s when I knew. This wasn't a dream; it was all real. In a world of thinness, I was not mean to fit in. The purple tonic didn’t make me skinnier, it made me see myself as skinny. When I realized that, I looked at Ashley and all a sudden, she looked like a brunette. I turned to face the reflective glass doors. In that reflection, it showed an overweight girl with black hair. Me. “Ashley look at the mirror” I whispered

She turned to me, her eyes cloudy “No.” she hissed, turning away from the mirror. Bianca and Amber flinched too, looking around to see if anyone had noticed their weird reaction. No one had but me. It suddenly made sense to me. I felt like sobbing.

I hoped Ashley would see herself too, not a figment of fake.

I was me. Ashley was not me. She was not Lia. I was Lia.

Lia, the girl who was fat. The names people called me echoed in my brain and I turned away.

I felt my breath even out, I didn’t look at Ashley, and I turned to enter the line for salad.

I guess hard truths survive.

I guess old habits die hard.