The Story of David

I have spent days thinking about how to tell you the story of David. It's is essentially, MY story. The most influential person I've ever known. He contributed in the construction of who I am at the core. He is the biggest piece of my puzzle. I don't feel that, even with my writer's mind, my words on paper could ever do justice in fully describing...well, any of it but I promise to give it my best effort.

October 14, 1998. That's the day it started.

I will never be able to forget a single detail. The memory still plays with impeccable clarity.

I went to the county fair as I had every year as far back as I could remember. I ended up running into friends and connecting with other small groups and stragglers until we became a huge crowd of teenagers, laughing and carrying on without a care in the world.

I remember the moment I saw him. Our eyes locked but to this day I don't know which of us looked at the other first. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase 'Love at First Sight'. Authors have attempted to describe it with words and screenwriters have attempted to guide well trained casts to portray it on screen but none have ever come close.

It was like a magnetic draw. An invisible cord connected us and pulled so hard, I had to lock my knees to stand in place. It took my breath away but there was an overwhelming rush of...who even knows how to describe it but I felt it to my bones. Not a chill, not a shock....Just...knowing. He felt familiar. Like finding someone I had been looking for without ever knowing I was looking.

Without a word we both started walking towards each other, came face to face and just smiled. I swear it was the craziest thing. Someone interrupted our moment which in reality was MAYBE 3 seconds and we just fell into the chatter and migrated around the gaming booths to the rides. He saw one that excited him, grabbed my arm and said 'Come on' guiding me in its direction. We found a place in the line, surrounded by peers and quickly made our way to the front. He led me to the caged seat and I climbed in, never thinking, just sort of on autopilot. He helped me lower the harness and make sure it was secure then his own.

I heard a familiar voice below us say 'Take care of my girlfriend' and suddenly remembered that I hadn't come alone. Jonathan and I had been on and off for a year or so and were nowhere near serious or overly attached but at that moment, we were operating under that label.

Before I could even think of a response, David looked down at him, smiled and said 'She's mine now.' and reached for my hand. He turned back to me, his expression never changing. Our eyes met and I was hit with that rush again. No one else existed. The noise of the crowd just vanished.

A moment later the attendant walked by to close and latch all the cage doors and suddenly I realized what I was about to do. I am absolutely TERRIFIED of heights. We were in a body tight cage attached to a 60+ foot pole that was going to spin upside down repeatedly. I started to panic.

'I can't do this. I don't do heights. Please let me out. I'm sorry. I can't.' I was speaking so fast I don't even know how he was able to understand me. The attendant got to us and I turned my attention to him repeating myself, begging him to unlatch my harness and let me out. He looked at David and calmly David told him 'She'll be fine. I've got her.'

The gate was slammed shut and he was gone but I was still pleading, insisting that I couldn't do it, my eyes tearing up.

He held my hand, looked me dead in my eyes, as calm as could be and said 'You're ok. I've got you.'

We started rocking back and forth, gaining momentum for the big flip. I let go of his hand, closed my eyes, tucked my head to my chest and gripped my harness so tight I lost circulation in my fingers. I could feel us moving faster and higher, back and forth and started to hyperventilate.

Then I heard his voice.

'Breathe. Slowly. I'm right here.'

In the most soothing voice I had ever heard, he began to describe, in great detail, an open field coated in beautiful wildflowers. The clouds in the sky, the trees in the horizon, the temperature of the breeze. As he spoke I began to see it. My breathing slowed but my entire body was still tense. He went on and on and then he said,

'Look at the butterflies. So many blue butterflies swirling all around you.'

I opened my eyes, looked right back into his and said 'You know, I don't think I've ever seen a blue butterfly.'

He just smiled.

At that moment I realized I was completely relaxed and hanging, suspended, upside down.

'How-' I started, and we suddenly came crashing down, the cage waving back and forth, slower and lower until we settled still at the bottom.

We were released and walked down the off ramp returning to our crew. Jonathan stood there waiting, redfaced but speechless. David looked at him and said 'Take care of her. I'll get her back from you later.' and simply walked away. Jonathan mumbled something I don't think I ever actually heard and we went off together to get food and then he had to leave as he had a curfew. He was supposed to take me home but I decided to stay, sure I could get a ride home.

The following details aren't as significant. Jonathan and I broke up the next day and David and I got together only a few days later.

He was a musician who had just moved into town from Louisiana and introduced me to the underground black metal scene. He helped me explore religion. He taught me how to THINK. He taught me that regardless of what I had been conditioned to believe, I was not a doormat-I was a person and a great one. I didn't even realize I had no confidence until he built it. He helped me find my voice. He encouraged me in whatever I wanted to do. I felt FREE with him like I had been a caged bird my whole life. December 2nd, the day of the Christmas parade, [don't ask me why they always did it so early in the month] I discovered I was pregnant and I was terrified to tell him. We were 16-he had just turned and I was a month away from 17. I still don't know how he found out but we were outside the mall when he walked up behind me, kissed me neck and wrapped his arms around my waist. Both hands on my stomach he said 'I love you and him too' and squeezed.

We didn't care about what anyone thought or how anyone else felt about it. There was never a discussion of 'How are we going to do this'. There didn't have to be. We truly loved each other and it was the greatest blessing. We quickly and easily decided to name the baby Raven and he was convinced from the beginning that it was a boy.

But we never got to find out. On December 7th I was at work when I started having abdominal pain so intense I left to go to the emergency room. I had a miscarriage. He fell into a depression and didn't leave his room for weeks. He wouldn't answer my phone calls or the door when I tried to come over. His mom just kept telling me to give him time. Christmas Eve he showed up at my house, held me, cried and apologized. He felt he was being punished by the Gods for something and was responsible. [This will make sense later]

The next few weeks were rough. He was very clingy to me but carried a sadness I couldn't cure.

I called him on my break at work on my birthday [January 9th] and no one answered. The next day I called repeatedly and still no answer. I called our mutual friend Jon and asked if they had spoken. Jon and his girlfriend Alisha picked me up and we drove over to his house on the other side of town. None of the vehicles were there. We walked to the pool house [his bedroom] but he didn't answer. Jon walked around to the one window and tried to see through the blinds.

Shocked he said 'His guitars are gone.'

I said 'What? No way.'

I looked and saw for myself that his room was empty but for the dresser. Everything gone. I started to panic. I ran over to the main house and saw that the ping pong table and patio furniture was still there so I climbed up to the kitchen window to look inside. From the window you could see the living room-empty and the bathroom-empty. I tried the window and it opened easily. I moved Ms Trish's nicknacks off the sill and climbed in. I walked through the house, shaking as I realized they were all just...GONE. I started to cry and Jon called to me to come back out. He had to help me back through. I didn't bother setting the nicknacks back and I'm not even sure I even closed the window.

We drove back by a few days later and the rest of their things were gone. They had moved out and David never said a word. Our tightest group of friends pretty much clung to me. We were a family who didn't even know each other until David. He was our common denominator and the glue. It was strange to readjust our lives and move on as if he never existed but we did and we all fell apart within the next year.

No one ever heard from him again. It was like we dreamed him. He was this wave that rushed into our lives out of nowhere, changed us all and then he was just....gone.