The Road To Autumn

Long winding roads, leaves of oranges, yellows, and red full of amber and maroon. Tires speed down the blacktop roads, streaks of white and yellow whizzing by in a blurry daze. The foggy sky full of blackened clouds lifts only for a moment to allow a touch of sunlight to hit his face through the windshield of the car. Driving along with the radio on a low volume he hums along while thinking of her. His Autumn, the woman who's name still brings a smile to his face and fills his heart with joy even after all of these years. The saying is true: It is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all. Well this is his loved and lost story. It has been many moons since he last thought of Autumn. Her silky auburn hair, her vibrant smile as it shows her pearly white teeth, and her gorgeous ocean blue eyes. When he looked into them he would feel as if he was swimming in the deepest waters, floating into eternity, and as if he was as light as a feather before it falls gently to the ground.

Ever since they have split, he now feels the emptiness consume him in the darkness of night. In the pit of his stomach he can feel the anger and sadness seep in as if he was a shell wading through the waters on the floor of the ocean. He lays awake at night as the clock ticks by.

Tick! Tock! Tick! Tock!

Second by second, minute by minute, and hour by hour night turned into day and as the emptiness fades into sadness and sleepiness once again he sighs.

Stopping at a red light he rubs his forehead and sighs as he grips the steering wheel tighter. All too quickly his breathing changes. Short gasps and blurred vision take over. The seatbelt getting tighter and tighter strangling and confining him to the seat. Horns honked from behind as the light turned green. Shaking his head and blinking rapidly, he stepped on the gas and floored it across the intersection. Making it home and running inside, he hopped into bed and let the tears flow down his face.

"Autumn...Autumn...Autumn."

Her name on loop in his head. Falling asleep with clouded thoughts, many restless hours went by and he awoke more tired and emotionally drained then when he first woke this morning. Dragging himself from his bed and turning on the dim light from his bedside lamp, he rubbed and scratched at his face and sighed.

"Time for meds and food." This also became his routine after she left. Anxiety medication and a healthy diet.

After eating and taking his pills he wandered about his home, checking emails and work logs for the day, browsing the television channels, and doing the laundry that had accumulated over the last month, he did everything he could to not think of her.

And it was working, until a knock sounded on his front door. Slowly walking to the door and opening it while gripping the doorknob, there she stood. Breathtakingly beautiful as always.

"Hello Ducky, miss me?"

"Au..Autumn?" He quickly found his voice amongst his stutter and held onto the door for his life. Walking past him and inside she sat down at the table and began twirling her hair.

"We have a lot to talk about you know?"

He shakes his head, no she can't be here. This can't be real, it's just his mind playing tricks on him once again. Shaking his head and blinking rapidly once more his breathing became erratic. No, just no! She needs to leave, she needs to walk away, she can't be here!

"LEAVE!" she jumps back startled at his outburst.

"Now now Ducky is that anyway to treat your guests?" She wags her finger at him as if he is a misbehaving little boy, but no he is a grown man and he doesn't have to put up with this any longer.

"Autumn you need to leave, please, I'm begging you to leave. This isn't good you being here. Yes I miss you, but I'm not good around you! I'm a bad person around you, you bring out the worst in me!" He says while pacing.

Staring at him in disbelief, he sits there unbothered and slightly entertained. This is certainly not the same man she knew before, this is a whole new brand of man, yet it's still the same old Kyle. And deep down she knows she can fully crack him this time, she swears to it!

The problem with that plan? He knows it too, he can feel the anger rising once more overtaking the sadness and pain and filling his heart and mind with rage and insanity, he's about to snap, he just knows it and then all of a sudden... blackness takes over and he is at peace once more. No Autumn, no rage, no anger. Just Peace.

TO BE CONTINUED