Psychologist Adler once said:
"All human troubles stem from interpersonal relationships."
Life is alive, we are always unavoidably shuttled in the world and human relations, running around in interpersonal communication.
Sometimes we are troubled by bad relationships; sometimes we find joy in comfortable relationships.
Slowly, we will find:
It turns out that every comfortable relationship conforms to the "28 Law".
Eight points for respect, two points for advice
Irish writer Robert Lind once said:
"Friendship will never endure long and frequent advice."
But in reality, we often encounter friends who are "good teachers". They like to use their own life experience to guide the lives of others.
But neglected that there is no relationship in the world that will become more intimate because of advice.
Imposing your will on others will only cool down the relationship.
There is such a plot in the TV series "Female Psychologist":
Lily was going on a date with her new boyfriend. When her best friend He Dun accidentally found out, she said bitterly:
"It's a good thing for you to fall in love, but I'm afraid you will act impulsive."
"I hope you can think about it clearly. Do you understand the person of the other party?"
"Material conditions are very important, but does he really like you and will he be responsible for you? You have to think about it."
After speaking, Horton didn't notice Lily's displeasure at all.
She didn't know that Lily was hiding it from her because she didn't want to listen to her "savior" advice.
Although Horton was well-intentioned, to Lily's ears, this was criticizing her.
In fact, life is like drinking water, it depends on self-knowledge.
We can give advice to our friends, but we cannot impose advice on others.
Because every adult has a ruler in his heart to measure all things in the world.
As the saying goes, there is room for intimacy, and familiarity does not exceed the norm.
No matter how good friends are, they also need to leave room for respect.
Forcing your own thoughts into the lives of others is like an invisible disaster.
A good relationship is not a suggestion, but even if there are thousands of different opinions, it can only be pointed out, leaving room for the other party to decide for themselves.
The friendship of mutual respect can only become stronger with the precipitation of the years.
Eight points are paid, two points are left blank
Writer Su Qin once said:
"Real good love is effortless, no need to deliberately please, two people are already comfortable with the flow. If a relationship, alone, requires you to spend a lot of energy to please, you are doomed to miss it."
This reminds me of a short film I saw.
In the morning, the wife is preparing breakfast in the kitchen, and the husband accuses his wife while changing his clothes:
"Why didn't you wake me up? Do you want me to be deducted from my salary for being late?"
He didn't know that his wife was actually afraid that he was tired and wanted him to sleep more.
At noon, under the scorching sun, the wife rode an electric car for nearly an hour and went to the company to deliver lunch to her husband.
The husband who took the meal went straight back to the office without saying thank you.
In the evening, my husband huddled on the sofa after get off work, eating fruit while playing games, and issuing "remote commands" from time to time:
"Wife, help me get the charger."
As if in his eyes, he is always the most tired, and his wife is an iron man who will never fall.
In a Chinese-style marriage, the wife always tries her best to cater to her husband, eager to use her own efforts in exchange for a little sincerity and concern.
As everyone knows, overpaying will only fuel greed, and properly letting go of some responsibilities can only be exchanged for the other party's consideration.
In "Dear Myself", the marriage of Liu Yang and Zhang Zhizhi is also emotional.
The two originally had their own careers, but Zhizhi took the initiative to transfer to a leisurely low-paying position in order to take care of her family.
In her spare time, Zhizhi devotes more time and energy to her family: her husband's diet and daily life, and her children's education and study, she does everything herself.
She thought that she would give her willingly in exchange for her husband's love and affection, but what was actually waiting for her was her husband's indifference and derailment.
This blow made Zhizhi fall to the bottom of her life.
After the pain was overcome, Zhizhi left the family and returned to the sales position. Relying on her perseverance and good work ability, she quickly achieved results.
Soon after, Zhizhi was hired as a sales director by another company.
At this time, Liu Yang finally realized his mistake and made a request for reconciliation to Zhizhi.
as the saying goes:
"In marriage, everyone has to give and take something back. This is the law of supply and demand."
If you only rely on selfless giving to satisfy each other, your relationship will often go downhill.
Only when one pays and receives each other's consideration, can the marriage achieve a dynamic balance and get better and better.
A truly smart person will never do everything to please others, but can grasp the scale well, give eight points, and leave two points blank.
Because they know that immersed in a sense of giving, they cannot exchange for the other party's love; only enough blank space can attract the other party's attention.
The flowers are the most beautiful in half bloom, and the white space is the strongest. Learn to reduce the effort, and the relationship can be fulfilled.
Eight points of understanding, two points of self
Have you also had this experience:
Times have changed, elderly parents will be embarrassed to ask you how to post on Moments; when the weather is cold, parents thousands of miles away will call and ask you to wear more clothes; Don't forget to pack some food in your luggage.
And you, often impatiently reply:
"Okay, I got it." "These can be bought outside." "It's okay, I'm hanging up."...
Parents are careful to please, but we turn a deaf ear and choose to avoid it.
I have heard a famous saying about love: "If you like someone, you will be low in the dust."
This sentence is also suitable to describe family affection.
Douban netizens shared a story.
After graduating from University, Xiao Li has a high-paying job in a big city.
However, her mother always persuaded her to take the civil service exam, saying that a girl's iron job is more important than anything else.
Xiao Li disagrees with his mother very much, and ends his journey home with resistance and quarrels every time.
Until one time when she came home for the new year, her mother asked her with joyful eyes:
"Nah, I bought a bottle of 'white to black' shampoo in the circle of friends a few days ago. Can you help me to see if my hair is much darker?"
She was about to expose the fact that her mother was deceived, but when she saw her mother's white hair, her throat suddenly choked. At that moment, she realized:
There was nothing wrong with the mother, she was just getting old.
Although the iron rice bowl theory in the mouths of my parents is out of date, the love behind it is never out of date.
We, who are fighting outside, always hide our edge, but when we return to our parents, we are very self-reliant.
We have finished playing our temper, and we have won the truth, but we have also broken the hearts of our parents.
The concept of parents may be old-fashioned and pedantic, but that is the imprint given to them by the past.
They have experienced the ups and downs of the times, so they hope that we can live a stable life; they have been stolen by the years, but they still want to stand side by side with us.
But no matter how things change, the love between parents and children will never fade.
And comfortable family affection is often unable to escape the "28 laws":
Show two parts of yourself, respond to the affection of your parents, and express your truest self to them; give eight parts of understanding, to understand the fragility of your parents, and fulfill their love for their children.
I like a sentence:
"There are degrees in life. The mistakes are in the wrong, the bad is in the excess, and the good is in moderation."
Whether it is friendship, love, or family affection, you must grasp the proportions when getting along with each other.
Maybe everyone wants to have a "high mountain and flowing water"-style bosom friend, a perfect lover, and parents who keep pace with the times.
However, there are many things in the world, and not everything will go as one wishes.
A truly wise and harmonious person never expects everything to go well, but knows how to use the "28 rule" to manage a comfortable relationship.
Eight points of respect and two points of advice can only seek common ground while reserving differences, and friendship will last forever.
Eight points to pay, two points to leave blank, can help each other until old age, full of joy.
Eight points of understanding, two points of self, can be warm and harmonious, and the family can be happy.
For the rest of my life, I hope you and I can have a comfortable relationship, a quiet life, and a warm and beautiful encounter.