The Job

“We... there is something... ugh, fuck, I hate it when I can’t just spit stuff out but, Joe, I gotta tell you something. I don’t like sharin’ shit for no reason. You know that. But... I’m trusting you.” Mike says with a heavy sigh, leaning into his chair, as Joe is sitting a good distance away from him. Mike breathes in the cool spring air as he feels his heart heaving in his chest.

“Why are you suddenly all fucking dramatic, Mike? Am I about to die or something?” Joe chuckles as he places a cigarette in between his lips, lighting it to take in a deep inhale.

“Yeah, keep smoking those stupid things and you will,” Mike sarcastically drawls out, rolling his eyes. “But, Joe, seriously, this job we got coming up,” He pauses a moment, licking his dry lips nervously. “I’m done. With the whole fuckin’ thing. And... the reason why is something you gotta swear you won’t dog on me for. Or... go crazy on me.”

Joe looks at him with a bit of surprise, nonplussed by the uncharacteristic change in Mike’s tone. He walks over and sits down next to Mike.

“What’s going on?” Joe says in between drags of his cigarette, making sure to blow the smoke away from Mike.

Mike bites his lip so hard it starts to bleed.

Joe chuckles. “You gotta secret?”

Mike closes his eyes tightly, and painfully tears started to set in them. Joe’s starting to get worried now, and puts out the cigarette, moving his chair closer toward Mike.

“Man, it’s okay,” Joe says with a carefully placed tone of complacency, placing his hand on Mike’s shoulder. “You’re among a friend. I won’t bite your head off. I swear. And I know... this particular job is gonna be tough. Tough to pull off. The guy who makes those ATMs, though, are top of the line. They are perfect. And... once we get the dough, we’ll be set, bud. It’ll be great,” Joe says more softly than he intended, and Mike feels his heart thumping in chest now, making his whole body feel weak.

“You’ve only known me a few months, Joe,” Mike says, looking down. But he doesn’t mean it as an affront, or an insult to their relationship, no... its the fact that they have such an intense and strong friendship in such a short time, the fact that they have such a strong bond together, that he’s even thinking about taking such a huge risk right now. The only reason. Such a feeling of safety and surety wouldn’t be broken so easily, right? It’s not how long they’ve known each other, it’s how much they’ve grown together, how much they’ve shared, and why Mike feels like he can trust Joe with his life.

Joe scoffs. “Fuck you, Mike. I ain’t going to start getting all mushy here. But you know you’re my guy. The only one I trust in the whole group.”

The two men looked at each other, Mike in apprehension, and Joe in frustration, but then they both took in a deep breath and just looked at each other quietly.

Mike was younger but only by ten years, and Joe was forty two, but felt compelled to say to people that he was closer to fifty, to look wiser and appear more mature.

Mike smiled slightly. “I trust you, too.”

“Well, then, just tell me,” Joe said with a shrug.

The two men were hiding something from the group beyond whatever Mike was about to say to Joe, too.

But they certainly didn’t talk about such matters.

Not out loud anyway.

Just to each other, silently, without anyone looking, and without really even getting to the root of it yet... but still, it was their secret to keep.

Even if they didn’t admit it to themselves.

Mike took in a shuddering breath.

Joe gave Mike a contemplative look. “Look, if ya wanna go over the plan again, and then... we can have a beer or two, I think we will be fine. You know I’ll have your back. And you’ll have mine. No matter what.” Joe says with the most beautiful smile Mike has ever seen, and it breaks his heart to see it, making something within Mike crack.

“Joe, I’m a cop, okay?!” Mike stood up, and feels his lungs set on fire.

Joe gave him a look of utter disbelief. “No... no you aren’t, Mike! Don’t fuck around!”

“Yes, I am.”

Joe has a flash of something very private go through his mind, a memory, and it makes his heart tremble.

Mike’s grayish, green eyes looking at him half lidded, as they joked around a random week night at Joe’s place, and then—-

As he grabbed Mike by the arm suddenly but playfully, they both embraced. And Joe held him so tight, he literally couldn’t breathe, but he was grinning like a fool, because Mike was holding him just as close.

But Joe snaps out of the memory, and almost takes out his pistol hidden in his holster.

But then he wants to punch himself.

He could never hurt Mike.

The conflicting feelings of honor, betrayal, fear, and sadness flood Joe, and then the worst feeling of all.

‘Fuckin had to love this asshole, didn’t I?’ Joe thinks sullenly, his face feeling warm.

But maybe it was time to stop doing these dirty jobs, and stop stealing shit after all, Joe starts to think.

But all that fucking money...

“How long... I mean what the fuck Mike?” He said with restraint. He really wanted to yell and scream and punch and kick the wall like a maniac.

“This was an undercover job. But... fuck, Joe, I’m done. I can’t do it. I wanna leave this shithole, and go somewhere. Like... the tropics. Far away.” Mike sighed. “I haven’t told anyone in the force shit about you. Everything you’ve told me... it’s just been me that’s known it. I don’t... Joe... I can’t explain how much you....” Mike can’t finish the sentiment. It can’t be summed up simply.

Mike feels something more for Joe than any other person, or girlfriend, or family member, combined, and it’s not going to cut it to just say something simple like... I love you?

Joe feels he must be pragmatic for a moment though. “I’d hardly say LA is a shithole, man. But, the job is in two days. These people are nuts. If they catch us running off... I don’t know what they’ll do. If they get caught, they’ll blame us.”

Mike takes in the biggest sigh of relief. He truly wants to hug Joe again like they did before, but he can’t. He knows at the very least that Joe doesn’t hate him right now.

Joe gives him a look of complete bafflement. Mike just sighs, and says, “Joe, I literally would take a bullet for you. I don’t care about this anymore. All of it. I’m tired. But... I...” he laughs nervously. “I fuckin’ care about you. I just know some shit is gonna go down. Not because I know.. but because I really have a crappy feeling.”

Joe nods a little. “But... you are really a cop?”

“Yeah. I’m... I do like being a cop. But I... I can’t do this anymore.”

“You like it?” Joe says in shock.

“Yeah. Well, I did. Listen, Joe, I think... you are a good person, and I... I know this might sound stupid and phony as hell, but I think you are better than this. We can build something better than this shit.”

“We?” Joe echoes, and he sounds tired.

Mike sighs. “I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”

Joe shrugs. “That’s okay.” But Joe feels instantly hurt.

They both started to think about how when they all first met, and how they hit it off so easily, and how they diverged from the group little bit by little bit—-going out by themselves, and sharing more than they were supposed to, like their names, and where they lived, and everything.

But still, it was a heavy moment, and they both said nothing, the weight of the situation on their shoulders.

Mike realized how much Joe really meant to him. He takes in a deep breath. “Fuck it, Joe, I actually do know why I said we. It’s because...”

Joe’s eyes widen. His earlier revelation in his mind is still holding his stomach in knots, as well as making his heart tremble painfully. Even in the late eighties, it wasn’t really the most normal thing a person should go around talking about. You’ll get your ass kicked. Or you might even get killed.

“Because, we are... best buds?” Joe says, and the words he spits out taste unfamiliar and bitter, with an air of falsehood that cannot possibly represent what their relationship truly means to them.

Mike decides that’s just not going to cut it.

He decides to show Joe what he means. He looks at Joe, with his slicked back blonde hair, light blue eyes, and walks over to him.

“Joe...” Mike starts to say, and then, all of sudden like a jumpstart to a dying heart, Joe is the one who does it.

Mike’s eyes widen as Joe wraps his hands around his back, pulling him close.

“Mike...” Joe says back.

And kisses him.

But it’s so gentle, so sweet, so slow, Mike feels like his heart is going to split in two.

Joe’s hands slide up from Mike’s back and then travel up to caress his face.

Their kiss is long, but then after a breath, it is followed by a short kiss, making them both breath a bit erratically.

But, now their hearts are calming down, and they both feel like two teenagers for a moment, lost in each other’s embrace and first kiss.

Joe laughs. “I... I just kissed a fuckin’ cop!”

And Mike laughs too, rubbing his mouth self consciously.

“I just kissed a criminal!” Mike shoots back, and they both laugh at their ridiculous situation.

“But...” Joe sighs, “What are we gonna do now?”

“Well, I guess I gotta get some master fucking plan together, huh? You got any genius ideas, Joe? Because I literally thought that tonight I’d lose you. But... I don’t think I am. And... to me, that’s enough.”

Joe sighs. “You can’t get rid of me, I’m like a cockroach. But... you scared the shit outta me. A fuckin’ cop, man? Really! Holy shit!” He laughed loudly. “I did get pissed for a minute, I won’t lie. I really did. But I saw your stupid face...” Joe says affectionately, “And I saw you were willing to lose everything by telling me this tonight.”

“I knew you’d do right by me,” Mike says almost to himself, and Joe chuckles.

“You corny motherfucker! You really are a sap, huh?” Joe teases.

“The kinda sap who lets other saps kiss him like he hasn’t had a good lay his whole life!” Mike whispers loudly. A bit flustered, Joe blushes, and leans forward toward Mike.

“Fuck...you,” Joe says with a false bite.

“So... you still gonna do the job?”

“The fuck kind of question Is that? Do you seriously think I’m doing that shit now?” Joe says almost aggressively, but looks into Mike’s eyes and calms down.

“I just... I meant what I said. About you. You are a good person.”

“Look, kid, I’m not young. I’m not the type to shack up with someone and settle down. I’m an old school type of gangster who doesn’t usually settle scores with... whatever we just did...” he says with a slight cheeky tone. “But, if it means that much to you, I guess, I’ll try.”

“I appreciate that, Joe. Just stop trying to be so tough. You can be yourself with me.”

“Fuck that shit, Mike! You were the one hiding shit! I am who I always will be. I’m not hiding anything from anyone. I’m real.” Joe steps back from Mike. “In fact, Mike, how am I supposed to believe everything you’ve told me these past few months? Huh?”

Mike shrugs. “I don’t give a fuck. You can believe me, or not. I don’t care.”

Joe scoffs. “Now who is acting tough?”

“Joe, I just...” Mike feels his momentary anger subside, realizing Joe has a right to feel concerned about the legitimacy of his life story. “Everything I told you about myself was real.”

Joe sighs. “Sorry. I’m an asshole. This is just.. we are really fucked though. You know? Look at this fucking mess we are in.”

“I know. But if we leave... I got some money saved up from an inheritance from my great aunt, we can leave tomorrow.” He grins a bit. “Maybe I do have a plan after all.”

“I have almost nothing, Mike. I’m kinda broke. I can’t contribute shit.”

He nodded. “You don’t need to do anything, Joe. I’ll take care of us.”

Joe laughs with a wheeze. “I’m the older one, though! That’s my job.”

“Fuck those stupid stereotypes, man.”

“Well... How much do you have?”

“I got about ten grand. What about you?”

“I have probably... four thousand dollars in all. I can take it out of my account.”

“That’s not nothing, buddy.”

“Well Mike, I never said I wasn’t a cheap bastard. I count pennies. But, if I can help, thats my share.”

Mike laughs softly. “We might need that kind of penny pinching attitude to get anywhere—-at least until we settle down somewhere safe.”

“Good idea.”

“Hey, Joe?” Mike asks softly.

“Yeah?”

“Wanna go inside? To my couch?”

Joe chuckles. “Why?”

“You know why,” Mike says with a glint in his eye, taking Joe by the hand as they go inside.

“You dirty cop...” Joe teases.

“I’m not too dirty...” Mike counters, and they sit on the couch next to each other.

“You wanna clean me up huh?” Joe says with a wink, and Mike can’t take it anymore. He kisses him again, this time passionately, without structure or precision, but with raw unabashed heat.

Joe has never felt so good by just being kissed before, by anyone else, and it’s almost impossible for him not to just greedily put his hands all over Mike as he had been pining to do for weeks—-as he tries unsuccessfully to restrict his movements. Mike can’t believe this is actually happening at first, but every single moment, and every single touch, he falls more and more in love with this person, and it makes him feel dizzy and happy.

He has never been with a man. Either has Joe. They keep their clothes on, but it feels more intimate than anything either of them have done before with anyone else.

Even as they both started out meek, they both refuse to stop keeping their bodies pressed together—-the newness of being so terribly close, the warmth of holding each other, the feeling of experiencing each sound the other makes and creating a deep connection to that particular moment and touch, while kissing each other like it’s their last moment on earth.

Their breath ragged and in synch, they fell in asleep in each other’s arms.

Joe was scared shitless by morning.

Mike was too.

How were they going to pull this off?

Joe knew some terrible people. The guy who put together the job. The men who got hired to do the job with them. One of them was definitely in the Italian mafia. Another, from a street gang. The main boss, a heavy hitter that sold Meth and other drugs all over the West coast and South America, was not someone to be trifled with, as both men were aware.

Mike also had people he had to answer to. His Captain. His old partner.

But, fuck it.

Mike didn’t have anyone else.

His parents were both deceased. No siblings. No friends.

He didn’t think he was gay, or anything, but damnit, he would be lying if he said he didn’t want Joe.

He loved Joe to pieces.

But they had to be smart, and fast.

And go somewhere safe.

Hopefully then, Mike could get Joe to clean up his act and they could live together, maybe do something up right.

But even Mike knows the best laid plans can go to hell. Especially when you are in this kind of unpredictable situation.

He’s just hoping they’ll get out alive.