The Black Book

“Hey, Mark – what’s this?” Janie held up a little black book that was sitting on the bar.

“Someone left it here a couple days ago. I figured I could start using it.”

Mark took the book from her and opened it. “See, only a couple pages had writing on it. Here –” He pointed. “I started writing down names of the people I owe money to –” He grinned at her. “Even you.”

Janie flipped through. “Seriously, dude. You owe all these people money?”

“Yeah. Here’s the fives-and-tens I borrowed. I wrote ‘em all down on slips of paper I stuck in my wallet. Figured it would be better if I put it all in one place.” He reached over and turned some more pages. “Here’s child support. Here’s the credit card company.... and here –” He jabbed at it with his finger, “here is money for a new car so I don’t have to ride my bike anymore.”

Janie smiled when she found her name. “Hey look! You remembered! Twenty bucks! When you gonna pay me back?”

Janie’s teeth were discolored, and she almost always covered her mouth when she smiled. Thin as a pin, Mark thought she must have had a meth problem when she was younger, but she was a good barmaid, smart and fast. No complaints there.

“Well, I do have a plan.”

“Hah! Heard that before.” She kept flipping through the little book. “There’s a name on the back – Moleskin.” Maybe that’s who owned it.”

“Nah, I think that’s the brand.”

Janie looked up, stroking the soft cover of the book. Mid-afternoon, the bar was empty, too late for lunch, too early for the after-work crowd. “So what’s the plan?”

Mark leaned his thick forearms on the bar and absently drew circles in the moisture. “This guy came by yesterday and wanted me to cash a check. He said he was having troubles with his ex, and didn’t want the check to go through his bank. I said ‘What do I get?’ and he said, ‘I’ll give you half.’”

“How much was it?”

“$20,0000.”

“Holy shit.” Janie let out a sigh. “You said no, right?”

“No, I said yes.”

The barmaid stuck her hands on her hips. “You know that’s stupid. That check is stolen. End of story.”

“Maybe. But I could pay everybody back. I could pay child support. I could get a car. It would solve everything.”

“No. It wouldn’t. It wouldn’t fix a damn thing.”

Mark kept drawing circles on the bar, and didn’t answer.

“Alright,” she said, finally. “What’s the plan?”

“I have a bank account that I’ve had for a long time. I go in there with him. Explain he owes me money and he’s paying me back. We cash it, he gets half, I get half. It’s a solid story and if they can’t cash it right away, that’s fine. We go back when it clears. If it don’t clear, then no problem. If it does clear, then I get $10,000.” He sighed.

“When’s this asshole coming back?”

Mark’s eyes flicked up to the clock. “About an hour.”

Janie climbed onto one of the barstools. He had never really noticed how small she was, couldn’t be more than five foot. And pretty, despite the teeth. And she certainly knew how to speak her mind.

“Well, what if it’s stolen? What if you go back to the bank to get your money and the cops are there, because the check was stolen and washed, and they think you washed it?”

“Washed?”

“Old trick. You pull the ink off the name and put in another name. It’s legit check, it will clear. But it was originally made out to someone else.” She grabbed a rag and polished the wet circles off the bar. “I knew a guy who got a job in a big lawfrim. And he’d watch for checks written to the lawyers but with the type of ink that could be washed. He musta stole a million bucks in checks. And the cool thing was.... he never cashed them. He sold them to other people who took all the risk.” She looked almost wistful, a weird look on that tough face. “He was some guy. Really special.

“Never got caught. Not once. But some of the people he sold to got caught. Then they caught up to him.” She shook her head. “He’s dead now.”

The two of them began getting ready for the afternoon crowd, but watched the clock. Two guys came in for a beer and ate stale pretzels and talked about their boss with undisguised dislike. Another man came in, a regular, parked himself in a booth and started drinking, drinking with the kind of seriousness that meant he would be there until closing.

Every time the door opened, Mark and Janie’s heads snapped up to see who was there. The next time it was three woman, ordering Diet Cokes and French fries. “No hot food till five, ladies. What else can I get you?”

Minutes later, the door opened again, and this time Mark nodded to Janie, who went behind the bar to take over. Mark led his guest into the back, and Janie kept close to the spy-hole between the cash register and the back room, straining to hear what was said.

“We still on for tomorrow?”

“Oh yeah,” Mark said, too brightly, too happy. Janie’s hand slapped into her forehead. “What a dipshit,” She whispered.

They made their plans for the next day. Mark had found a form of note online, and fixed it up so that it looked like his new friend owed him $10,000. It was signed, and Mark rolled the paper over the edge of the table to make it look like it was a few years old. He crumpled it once, folded it in threes, and stuck it in an envelope.

“Tomorrow. Noon. Wells Fargo on Fifth.” Mark stuck out his hand.

The two shook and the new guy – whose name had yet to be mentioned – started to walk out.

“Wait.” Mark said it a little too loud. A few of the customers looked up. Janie wanted to tell him to quiet down.

“Where’d the check come from?”

“It’s legit, don’t worry.” The new guy was too cool. “Liar,” Janie hissed.

“I just don’t wanna get arrested. I could really use the money. I’ll be able to see my kid again. I can get my car fixed. I can pay back all these people who – who helped me out when I was broke. I just... don’t wanna get in trouble.”

The new guy didn’t answer right away. When he started to speak, two of the customers waved to her and she had to walk away from eavesdropping. By the time she had brought fresh beers and pretzels, the new guy was walking out the door. Mark came back to the bar.

The bar was filling up. The after work people filed in, some happy, some grousing about bosses or customers. Soon, the cook was there, and the bar smelled of burgers and fries and chicken strips. Janie was re-filling drinks, bringing barbeque sauce, wiping down tables. Mark was both waiter and bartender at this time of day, and he didn’t stop moving until ten, when the bar started to empty out.

Banging sounds and water running let Mark and Janie know that the cook was cleaning up. Hot food ended at ten p.m. The bar stayed open until twelve during the week, and it was Tuesday. Tomorrow was Mark’s day off. Every Wednesday, rain or shine.

The cook left around eleven. The last customer at 11:30. Mark turned off the neon “open” sign. Janie climbed up onto a barstool.

“Well?”

Mark pulled a beer and sat it in front of her, then he pulled one for himself and faced her. “Well what?”

“What did he say when you told him you didn’t want to get arrested?”

“If you heard that, you heard what he said.” Clearly annoyed, but too tired to make a big deal out of it, Mark tried to scowl at her and managed a frown.

“He said he bought it from a guy for five hundred bucks. He needed the money to pay rent. He’d been outta work for awhile. He has a wife and a kid. He didn’t know what else to do. If it doesn’t work, they’re on the streets.”

“Wow. Sad story. Was he lying?”

“I dunno. Sounded right to me. Seemed like a nice guy.”

Janie gave a little hiccup of a laugh. “You are such ...”

“A what?”

“You’re too trusting.” She took a sip of her beer and banged it on the bar. “He’s going to get you into trouble. And for what.”

“To see my kid.” This last bit came out so pathetic that Janie had to smile at him.

“I know, see your kid.” They both were quiet for a couple minutes.

“Lemme see the check.” She held out her hand.

Mark pulled out his wallet, and handed the rumpled paper to her.

“It’s on Wells Fargo.”

“Yeah, that’s why it works. ‘Cuz my bank account is at Wells Fargo, and they should be able to cash it right away, so I won’t need to go back.” He looked up at her. “Like you said, going back a second time is more risky.”

“I’m going with you.”

“Oh man, that would be great. I’m kinda nervous and it’ll be easier if you’re there.”

“Well I’m not going so I can hold yer hand. I’m going to cause some trouble, make some noise, so that they look at me and not at you.”

Janie explained and they agreed to meet at 11:45 in front of the bank. The one thing Janie was pleased about was the time: noon was perfect. Staff would be heading out to lunch, and folks would be coming in on their lunch hours.

“Wear a baseball hat, something really common.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t care. Some sports thing. Something that people will see instead of your face.”

The next morning, Mark was sitting on a bench across the street from the bank by eleven, waiting for Janie. When she drove up, Mark walked over and leaned in the window, but before he could say anything, she said, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

“What now?” Mark was so confused his teeth hurt.

“‘Make America Great Again’? I said a ball cap, not a neon sign.”

“Someone left it at the bar. It’s the first thing I saw. It’s a cap. You see a lot of ‘em.”

“OK, can’t be helped now.” Janie blew out her breath. “You remember what we talked about?” Without taking a breath, she repeated the plan, staccato fashion, talking in bursts. Mark worried she was on meth again.

“You remember all this?”

“Yeah, I do. But I need to tell my guy.” Mark’s head swivelled around looking for him. “He’s not here yet.”

“S’ok. He’ll be here. And the less you say the better. He should be surprised too.... just like the tellers.”

They waited, and they waited, minutes strolled by slowly as if they had all the time in the world.

“Mark?”

“Yes Janie?”

“When this is over, I’ll buy you lunch OK? I’m starving.”

After that, it went quickly. The two men walked in and cashed the check. When they had been at the teller window for a few minutes, Janie walked in and acted drunk, shouting and slurring and saying the bank had ripped her off. All eyes were on her. Security went over to get her out. The two men left, each with an envelope full of money. Security left Janie outside on a park bench, and she calmed down and explained it had been a bad day. As soon as security left, she walked away from the bank and around the block, where Mark was waiting with her car.

“OK?”

“OK for now.”

“Burger?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Awesome.”