The best way to educate: Dad is the role model, mom is the mirror

Every year on June 1 Children's Day, there are a group of adults shouting "this child is still a child" to give themselves an excuse to relax and have fun. However, in front of real children, many adults forget that we were all children once, but children have never been adults.

I once heard a story about a silly girl who had a conflict with another child after she regained her senses. Someone complained to the girl's mother and wanted her to be punished. Who knows, instead of being angry, the girl's mother was happy.

In the girl's mother's opinion, it is a welcome thing that her silly daughter can fight and get into trouble like normal children.

In the book, the author expresses a similar view. She points out that although many parents want their children to know how to behave like adults, I am afraid that if the children are not that lively and noisy, these parents will worry whether there is something wrong with their children.

This is because children are supposed to look like children. As they grow, they go through stage after stage to develop new abilities. At each stage, they must repeatedly test and practice until they are in full control of an ability. These temptations and exercises are often seen as nonsense by adults but are an integral part of every child's life.

However, many parents today demand more from their children than is normal for them. These parents put too many expectations on their children, always wanting them to go beyond the age limit and become what they expect them to be.

However, if a child is not brought up, his life is often distorted by deformities. Those stages that should have been allowed to explore and make mistakes, now skipped, may take another form and allow the child to make mistakes in his adult life as a child, causing much more serious damage than the pranks of childhood.

Every parent was once a child and knows what kind of fun children have and what new perceptions they can bring. When we feel incomprehensible about a child's behavior, it is good to imagine ourselves as an experienced older child from another perspective, giving help and guidance to the little monster who is awkwardly exploring a new world.

Our understanding and care will allow our children to challenge each new ability with courage and confidence, steadily crossing the threshold and conquering the world of growth.

Many enlightened parents can be tolerant and guided in the face of their children's mischievous behavior, but they often feel helpless when their children cannot control their emotions.

In the author's opinion, understanding and acceptance are the best ways to deal with children's bad emotions. If parents can put themselves in their children's shoes, understand why their children have negative emotions, and identify with and accept their children's emotional expressions, then parents can help their children solve their problems and guide them successfully out of their bad emotions.

For example, many children get angry when they go shopping with their parents at the supermarket because their parents refuse to buy them toys or snacks. In this case, forcibly taking away the child will often be strongly resisted by the child, but if their demands are met unconditionally, the child will develop the habit of threatening their parents with crying.

At this point, if parents can allow their children to express their emotions and let them know that we understand their frustrated feelings about their wishes, and then reason with them, the results are often much better. The book also suggests a better solution, which is to reach an agreement with your child on what you can buy before you go into the supermarket. Since you take your child to the supermarket, you only allow adults to buy what they want to buy but do not give your child the freedom to choose. Of course, your child will be unhappy.

How you handle your child's emotions is also largely a reflection of the parent's own ability to handle emotions. Many parents have never had the opportunity to learn about emotion management, and naturally have no good way to deal with their children's emotional outbursts. However, it is because we have experienced the pain of falling into bad emotions that we should reconnect with our own emotions and those of our children, learn to deal with bad emotions harmlessly, and become people who can more easily feel happy.

As parents, when our children are weak and ignorant, we must take care of everything in their lives. As children grow up, they have their consciousness and perceptions. When they want to use their abilities, many parents have not yet come out of doing everything for their children and still want to control their children's lives.

The initial intention of these parents is to do everything they can to plan a secure life for their children. However, as the book suggests, the world is changing all the time and our children will be facing a future that parents may not be able to imagine. Arrangements that seem foolproof now may prevent children from pursuing the good life that belongs to them.

At one time, state-owned enterprises (SOEs) were considered by many to be the "iron rice bowl" and countless parents tried to send their children to work there. But in the tide of reform of state-owned enterprises, many people who entered the state-owned enterprises thought they had no worries for the rest of their lives, but after leaving the job, they were devastated and did not know how to live the rest of their lives by their abilities.

In today's world, there are many new industries that people never thought of before, such as express delivery, bike sharing, live streaming, etc. In the future, our children will be the backbone of this society, and their interests and dreams may be the future trend.

Some parents worry that their interests and dreams will distract their children from their studies. In this regard, the author's view is that parents can guide their children to realize that the purpose of learning is to gain self-reliance and give them the freedom to choose the way they like to live.

Parents always want their children to understand that what they are doing is for the future of their children. However, why can't we understand our children's ideas about the future as much as they understand us? But children never care what their parents are interested in, nor do they interfere with their dreams. This is because they have their own lives to explore.

So do parents. There are many other areas of our lives to focus on besides our children. And we love the life we choose to live, and we will let our children follow the example of their parents and actively run their own happy lives.