Tarmac Blues

Tarmac Blues

So after being scheduled and cancelled due to the ‘Covid’ twice, I finally am heading down to Orange County to see my children and grandchildren, I think. My buddy Tim Ure deposited me at the Spokane Airport by 8:00 AM for my flight to Seattle that boarded at 9:20, no worries. The weather however had others ideas, evil, dark ideas, and I had the opportunity to get off this flying twin engine coffin more than once. We were flying a puddle jumper to Seattle, honestly I don’t know if it would jump a small puddle.

We’ve been sitting on the tarmac for an hour and a half now, no way in hell I’ll catch my connecting flight in Seattle and airlines are as honest as politicians. They used more excuses than a stoner that skipped school, and forgetful as a pot head, they told different lies to alternate people, which as I listened made me giggle like a four year old.

“It’s not our fault”, insisted the flight crew “we didn’t make it snow”, which albeit true had zip to do with “we’re just waiting for paperwork”. I could of written a novella in that time. Once we took off they did offer us beer and wine, but it’s 11:00 AM and I’m hoping they’re not plying us with liquor to sit and wait in Seattle for hours, but I fear this may be the plan.

Cindy and I had bought a new, used, snow blower and in three months I’ve used it once, once, what the fuck, now it snows the day I leave. My feelings are I may or may not make it to John Wayne today, but I’m definitely hoping not to meet him today as well. I finally made it to the rest room, though with all the booze on this plane I certainly wouldn’t ‘rest’ there. If Covid didn’t haunt that room there is no such thing, it was a wasteland.

We’re flying in the clouds right now which is apropos, since I haven’t seen any color but white since I awoke, if white is even a color, maybe it’s the absence of color, than again that could be black, but using that word, without lives matter directly after it may be racist, I’m so not woke, just call me Karen, or is that identifying and chauvinistic?

Honestly I turned down free beer today, I’m checking myself for Covid when, and if, I ever get to Orange County again. I’m fighting all my natural urges, hoping beyond reasonable hope, I catch my flight but it leaves Seattle, oh shit, eighteen minutes ago, fuck me running, I should have drank.

The pilot just told us all he’s preparing to land, which I hoped, I didn’t want to just fly forever, and at least he didn’t say crash land, so I’ll take that.

I made it to Seattle and they shuffled me around like I was a deck of cards and walking this gigantic airport with arthritic hips is a bitch, up hill, down hill, inside, outside and now I’m angry and sober. Once again, tell us the truth, tell me I won’t make my flight and I can make an educated decision. I had plans with my son, time to cancel culture that shit. I’d say those could wait until another day, but I really don’t know.

My seat got pushed back as well, from aisle seven to seventeen, my punishment for apparently delaying the first piece of crap plane, now I sit near the insurrection of CHOP just hoping one of those adolescent dweebs walks by so I can cold cock the son of a bitch. Yea, I may be a touch angry, ok fuck it, I’m pissed. Wasn’t I supposed to get an upgrade? Maybe the next trip, maybe not, they don’t give a shit. Unlike Delta, at least they have not busted my suitcase, mostly because I’m carrying it around this place.

I thought about driving, you know, taking the wife and dog, making a party of it, but it’s an eighteen hour haul, but I’ve been up ten already, I’d be a few hours from Vegas and have company I love, maybe next time. By the time I touch down at John Wayne, I will have been up and at it for fourteen hours, flying is becoming much less convenient and more taxing than California!

I’m not a patient man, never have been, and although I don’t expect perfection I do believe we should strive for it, not settle. I’m not a settler, if I was, I’d of taken the Oregon trail by prairie schooner and been there much sooner. I approached a red head behind the help desk and gently told her of my situation, explaining I did not blame her, but getting a down grade in my ticket and missing a doctors appointment because of the airlines wasn’t quite fair either. She was relieved I didn’t attack her and told me to call the services desk when I got home and ask for an upgrade, oh, I assured her I will.

Now we are finally headed from the home of Chaz and Chop to my old home, I can’t wait to hug my kids, play with my grandkids and raise hell with my friends.

Crack Egg Out