Stop Being A People-Pleaser And Start Standing Up For Yourself

There is a fine line between doing good and being a people-pleaser. Doing good, being kind, and helping others are human nature, and these signify humanity. Behavior is an indicator and not a driver behind our actions. There is nothing wrong with being considerate, but sacrificing us for the sake of pleasing others leads us to a dicey road. It makes authentic caring, communication, and closeness to a fake one.

I’m a People-pleaser

I’m a person who believes values determine the quality of a person. I assumed kindness means not hurting others even when my self was at stake. I never knew I was wrong. I didn’t even realize that I was people-pleasing until I was affected drastically because of it.

People-pleasing Is Unhealthy

Realization Point

In the beginning, selflessness was a pleasant feel to me. My family, friends, and colleagues relied too much on me. I gave the least importance to my personal space. I tried to keep my circle happy all the time, and at some point, whatever I did turned the other way round. I discerned that it is impossible to make everyone happy.

What I was doing was mere people-pleasing.

Avoid Conflicts

I thought to shift myself gradually from selflessness to giving myself the priority. I was fearful of losing relationships and started pleasing people to avoid conflicts. It no way made me happy, and it destroyed my inner peace.

Lack of Confidence

I made a thick mask for me and hid behind it. It kept on bothering me, and I wanted to unveil it. I decided to speak out how I felt and not fake it off. I was ready to lose relationships because all I needed was my self-esteem. It’s not right to hide the real feel and act something out to not hurt others. I made my mind to oppose and tell my opinion, but I lacked confidence, and again, I added a layer to the mask.

It was easier

At last, it was easier to please others and avoid controversial situations. But what about my originality and uniqueness. It was undergoing a slow death.

Pitfalls

Not only my character got assassinated, but profit mongers milked advantage from me. Being a victim is also acceptable, but making another person a victim is unacceptable. The helpless people looked up for me always for my help, and I created the feeling of dependency for them.

The self-reliant people felt I’m annoying.

The transformation from people pleaser to an assertive person

Learn to say “No”

Saying “No” means not hurting others. Not at all. Trust me.

If you can’t say no, you won’t be in peace with your life.

A beautiful and surprisingly happy life waited for me when I started to say no and prioritizing what feels good and right to me. I became a practical person, and I didn’t need the mask anymore. Also, saying no won’t ruin any relationship. If it does ruin your relationship, then it is not your fault. You can’t change the opinion of others, but you can change yourself is the lesson I learned.

Discover Yourself

If you don’t know what you want, what you need, or what you desire, the problem is with you.

Once I discovered my inner feeling and desires, I didn’t look upon pleasing others.

Everyone is unique, and it is what determines us.

We fail to search and discover. As a result, we’ll go with the flow. Once we are clear in what we want, there is no room for people-pleasing.

Don’t Over-commit

Committing something practically impossible doesn’t make you seem efficient.

Over-committing is an act to please someone. It will turn your life to hell when you can’t manage to do the committed work.

If it conflicts my calendar, I never commit things. Whoever it may be, or whatever it might be it can wait. I’m not a robot or superwoman to be available in multiple places.

Never go with the flow

It isn’t right to go with the flow by hiding our feelings. It creates an unhealthy environment and stresses ourselves as well as our family. If something doesn’t feel right and bothers you, it needs to be immediately addressed. I never accept things that don’t feel good to me. If it didn’t make us happy, it is perfectly alright to speak it out and fix things rather than accepting it to avoid the commotion.

Do things which make you feel good and which is acceptable to your conscience. If you like yourself, it is well and good. You can’t demand everyone to like you. You can’t always live on another’ person’s perspective.

To like me is my choice; everyone should like me is absurd; it’s not my choice-it’s is theirs.