"Still. I Think You're Sweet."
11pm on a Friday Night, in a College Bar
Her: You know at the beginning I wasn’t too sure, you were responding to my texts a little fast, and that kinda freaked me out.
Him: Yeah well.
Her: Just a little too fast.
Him: You’re not very funny through texts, that’s something I need to address right away. I think I’m slightly better at this than you are. I answer fast also because I don’t have that much to do during the day so…
Her: You are funny, at least I think you’re funny. There are definite moment when I chuckled out loud, you know? But I don’t really like doing that text thing.
Him: It’s okay! It’s totally fine! It just so happens that I think I’m really nailing that texting thing, emojis and all that. Some people put too many, other people don’t put use at all, which make their texts like psychopathic, or automated responses or whatever...
Her: Well at least, I definitely always get how you to try to get across as. Perfect little harem of emojis, you got there…
Him: You know it’s probably better that we don’t text that much, because I genuinely never know how you feel about anything. So, let’s agree to try mainly IRL.
Her: Agreed. Oh, also please don’t go into too many tengents it kinda irks me, you open parenthesis upon parenthesis, and sometimes it feels like you’re flooding me with topics and I never know which one I should focus on.
Him: That’s the thing: that’s free flow. I dig it when the conversation kinda strays from one point to another, it's organic you know, and it's not with everybody that you can...
Her: Yeah, I hate that? I need beginning, middle, end, compact, efficient, and if possible relevant to the overarching goal of boning, otherwise, I get nervous, and I don’t know where you want to get me.
Him: I don’t want to “get” you anywhere, it’s more like let’s figure each other out, I’m not the giver, you’re not the receiver here.
Her: Like, you’re not actively trying to woe me by cracking all those jokes? By the way, yes, I think that’s charming, but are you gonna keep a constant flux of those? The faces, the acting, the comedy? God, that gotta be exhausting for you.
Him: Yeah, full disclosure, I’m not saying that I’m trying to get you, or to seduce you, we’re still figuring each other out, I think, but yeah, definitely, I’m not gonna be that funny or spiritual in the months to come if this is to be a thing, between us, at all.
Her: Wow. Like you’re not even gonna try to be that charming, whimsical person you’re being right now?
Him Thank you, no, you know, it’s not that I’m not gonna try, I will try, my darnest, but it’s just not gonna be… the same? If you get that? But it’s the same for you, sorry to say.
Her: What, the same? I’m being the same person that I’ll be down, in three months, even a year. Are you implying that I’m hiding an inner-bitch or something?
Him: No but you’re definitely amping up the sarcasm to appeal to me. Probably because you think I like that?
Her: It’s like sparks. It’s grinding a piece of conductive metal against another and producing spark. Or it’s chemistry, yeah that’s the word, that’s what’s happening between us, I think, and I don't think I'm forcing anything. And you really believe that chemistry’s just gonna vanish for you, like that?
Him: I wouldn’t equate our kind of sensitive chemistry, right here, with my spiritedness. I think It’s just that I like new things?
Him: You know what I mean
Her: Dude. You’re serious? Is that why you answered fast to my texts, because I’m new and shiny and interesting, and you get to play with me for a while?
Him: Come on, you’re concluding that metaphor in waaay too mean a manner
Her: You started the metaphor. Am I wrong, though?
Him: Of course! Of course, you’re wrong! You can’t just narrow me down to that thing and call it a day, you can’t just say that I like to go from one new thing to the next and think you got me nailed on the first try. I’m not a child who answers to instincts and that’s it. Okay, you have other items on your list? I text back too fast, I like new things which makes me a piece of garbage person, also right, I like to go on tangents. Why would you even date me if you’re listing my wrongs this early in the game?
Her: You’re confident. You’re nice. You like yourself. You kinda smell good. I like that.
Him: I think you’re nice too. I think you’re kinda better than nice, that you’re maybe, that feels weird to say… Good? Yeah, you’re a decent person.
Her: I don’t know about that…
Him: Oh, that’s the thing though.
Him: You… I mean it’s okay, I was there before, and It’s always a struggle, but you don’t… really like yourself. Which is, again, fine, but it’s always a struggle, when you consider a relationship, to tie yourself to someone who doesn’t like their own selves.
Her: Well, I wouldn’t say I don’t like myself, but I’m not a narcissist, if that’s what you’re saying
Him: That I don’t know. You could be a narcissist while disliking yourself. But I haven’t seen much of your being narcissistic. But my thing is, you don’t like yourself much, and that’s the main thing that… kinda bums me out.
Her: What do you want me to respond to that? I don’t like myself, I… I guess I still think I can do better than how I’m currently doing?
Him: But isn’t that the case for all of us? There’s always room for improvement, wherever your starting point may be.
Her: Not but, I’m really not in a place I like right now, and dude, you were there, apparently. There was a moment you disliked yourself, you said it yourself. What changed?
Him: I… I guess I bettered myself? I started working out, I’m reading a little more… But that’s not instrumental to my liking myself. I think I started doing those because I liked myself more. It's a matter of the chicken or the egg, maybe...
Her: Or maybe you just liked yourself more because of your body image. Whoever I talk to, they seem to be primarily liking themselves if they find themselves physically appealing.
Him: Well I’m not good-looking per say.
Her: Dude, cut it out! you’re fine! You’re good looking! You’re not a model, but dude! Given what you’ve been given, given how you behave, look at you! Confident, well groomed. You are charming!
Him: But I don’t see you looking bad at all.
Her: That’s the nicest thing someone ever told me.
Him: No but you see what I mean. You don’t like wearing dresses or anything that could be considered as "dressing up", you don’t like taking care of yourself, but look at your eyes. Those get a little makeup because you know they’re great.
Her: What does that mean?
Him: That you have beautiful eyes, and you don’t use them to look at yourself the way you should.
Her: Wait, you’re going from telling me to not judge myself, to judge the way I think of myself? That’s a little weird.
Him: I’m just saying you’re being hard on yourself and you should like yourself more.
Her: And you're judging my inability to like myself alright, because you feel that you have that figured out. That feels like mansplaining
Him: Come on now... I like myself. It took me a while. And I’m sorry I come off as an asshole who’s telling your how to live your life but...
Her: We’re not even actually saying that we’re dating or anything, and you’re trying to fix me.
Him: You asked: “Hey. Let’s grab drinks and be excruciatingly honest about ourselves”. You said “let’s blow off the lid” you said. You went there, that’s what we’re doing! That’s why you went like “Don’t text me back too fast”
Her: Yeah! You see the difference? You’re going straight for the throat with that comment.
Him: Oh, wait, because I’m doing what you wanted me to do? I’m blowing off the lid, three drinks in, I’m sorry if I’m committing to the thing. Because I kinda like you, and you asked something from me, and I thought it’d be sorta fun and therapeutic..
Her: Therapeutic! that's the issue! You want to fix me. Why do you want to fix me?
Him… I guess I can’t stay with someone who’s not feeling happy.
Her: And you went straight from “She’s not happy, therefore I’m not gonna be, so I should fix her, and we’ll work out”
Him: …well kinda.
Her: See that’s not how this works. You gotta accept that you like the version of me right now. And part of that is that I don’t like myself right now.
Him: I’m not sure…
Her: You like the idea of me being better with you. You’re into me so you can go and fix me. You’re into the idea of helping me more than you are into me.
Him: Okay, but why are you into me then? Where does it come from then? I’m confident, I’m not a complete dumbass, and I like the way I’m heading, so somewhere, there must be something in you that tells you you’re gonna feel better by being with me. You like the idea of me helping you out of where you are.
Her: That’s why we’re into each other you think?
Him: That…Shit, that makes sense. I don’t know. Fourth round?
Her: I don’t think I want a fourth round of this.
Him: Come on let’s… Let’s come back from this maybe?
Her: I don’t think we can come back from this.
Him: Don't say that, we can work this through. We just need more...
Her: More alcohol is not gonna take me where you want to.
Him: You’re saying the charm is off, that you’re not into me anymore.
Her: That’s… I mean that’s not gonna be that easy to say stop, but I don’t see us working out knowing how this works.
Him: But, but wait, we’re not different from a lot of people that got together for bullshit reason. You think we got ourselves figured out? We’re not even that close to knowing each other. That feels too rushed. It’s forced. It’s artificial. It’s like junior psychology, what happened. It’s a game, right?
Her: You like me, you do like me.
Him: I, yeah… That thing that you offered, it’s maybe messed up. It took me by surprise, but, aren’t we connecting right now?
Her: I thought you said it was Junior psychology? I’m not armed to deal with that, even if it's benign to you. That’s… That’s gonna be a pass for me. I’m sorry.
Him: You launched the game, you started the thing, you must have known where that would lead, right?
Him: …. I… Yeah. But I can’t do this now.
... Still. I think you’re sweet. Good luck.