She

She laid there – screaming.

Pleading to the skies for some kind of answer. “Why am I here?”

She repeated it over and over – in her head and out loud – a question that held her entire life so delicately in its hands.

The mundane life that she always knew was gone. In its place stood a world so big, so unpredictable, and so foreign to her. She was lost. With no one to turn to and nowhere to go, the only thing that made sense to do was to scream.

She was alone. Not a soul in sight. Nobody was there to hear her cries, and nobody was there to see her weak body laying on the rock that was set out 50 feet from the shore.

Surely God or Allah or whatever the universe is made from, would hear her cries. Surely her voice would travel across the water – somewhere – anywhere.

Nothing. Is this what it looks like on the other side of life? “If there’s nothing left for me here and nothing left for me there,” she thought, “then where do I belong?”

The questions ruminating in her mind became too unbearable and she took hold of anything she could grasp – rocks, seaweed, shells – and threw them at the water, cursing louder and louder until her voice broke.

When she had wasted all her energy she sat, face in her hands, sobbing quietly. The questions had stopped, but the hopelessness and despair had taken over any kind of light she used to possess.

And then the nothingness set in. Nothing mattered anymore. Even fear has no place in nothingness. At least with fear, there is meaning. In nothingness there is no meaning, no emotion, no words, no time, nothing.

The tears had stopped. Her eyes were closed and body as still as a statue. Flies flew on and around her and she was unphased. Waves splashing cold salt water on her body caused no reaction.

It could have lasted for eternity.

As the tide came in, the waves crashed harder against the rock, covering her legs and then diminishing back into the sea. Over and over and still she sat, unmoved.

Until a feeling came that caught her attention. A feeling, within the nothingness? It couldn’t be real. It was as if something had fallen in her lap, but she dismissed it, there was nothing here for her.

Another wave crashed around her legs and again she could feel something there, now floating in between limbs that didn’t know what to believe.

At last she was pulled from the nothing. Curiosity had sunk in and she could no longer ignore her skin’s senses. She opened her eyes and looked down, hoping perhaps there was a tool to help her end her life. Or hoping for something to save her. Hoping for anything that could give her any sense of direction.

It was a book. A little black book had floated into her lap, of all places in this ocean.

A glimmer of hope rose inside of her. Yes, maybe whatever this book is, had some message for her. Maybe this author could portray the meaning for this life she had no idea how to navigate. She quickly opened the cover, anticipating what the title could be.

But she found only a blank page. She carefully flipped to the next wet page, and the next, but they were all empty. The glimmer of hope was gone again, and all she could do was stare at the nothingness of the pages. A reflection of the nothingness that overcame her once again. She let one last tear drop from her eyes onto the blank page before her stillness ensued yet again.

It didn’t last long though. Beyond the lids of her eyes shone a light so bright that she was abruptly pulled away from the nothing. She let her eyes pop open to see, no, to feel this light beaming from the empty pages of the nothing book.

The light was not blinding to her sight. The light almost seemed to embrace her in the most familiar feeling that she had never felt before. It was warm, it was beautiful, and it loved her.

Unsure of what was real or what to believe, she sat, absorbing this strangely familiar light, absorbing these sensations that had never before been sensed in this lifetime. Is this what she had been looking for all this time? She refused to pull away from it, in fear that it would go away and she would be left with nothing again.

Suddenly the light shone brighter. She looked down at the page – the source of all the light – and she could see a word being written out of nowhere, right in front of her eyes.

“Walk.”

She looked at the word, confused. With this magic that was happening, she couldn’t help but have some hope that this book was going to give her answers.

Looking around her all she could see was the shore behind her, and open ocean in front. As she looked at the vastness, more words were being written.

“Trust me.”

Well, it was something. Better than nothing. Maybe she would drown, or be eaten by a shark if she attempted to walk on the water. Anything would be fine, because nothing mattered anymore.

She stood up, legs wobbling from her body’s depletion of energy. She held the book, open in her hands. Not wanting to let go of the light that brought her out of the nothing.

She didn’t even think about it before stepping her feet out into the water. She already decided that neither life nor death mattered, so whatever happened next wouldn’t matter either.

She just walked, one foot in front of the other. Not even aware of the miracle she was performing. Waves splashed against her legs but the soles of her feet knew there was stability to keep moving forward.

She must have walked for miles. The light gave her energy, protecting her from having to stop.

Off in the distance an island came into view. There were beautiful mountains and cliffs, and with each step closer she could see the most colorful plants and wildlife strewn about the place.

It was magical to her eyes. And her nose, and ears, and before she knew it all of her senses were engulfed with the same feeling as the light protruding from the book. Her feet felt lighter and she hastened her walk into a sprint so that she could be closer to this paradise that already felt more like home than anywhere she had ever lived. Her feet finally reached the sand and she looked up and around, taking in the vibrant colors and deciding where to start exploring.

The place was incredible, she knew she could spend ages just exploring and taking in the beauty. The next several days she spent walking around the island, finding berries and other luscious foods to eat, and sleeping underneath the stars. She found ancient artifacts and old structures that had been untouched. Surely she had been the only person there in a very very long time. She had even found a chest filled with gold. She considered what it would be like to bring all of this back to her old world – to be rich and famous.

The idea brought her back into despair. She thought about the life she used to have. She thought about all the people she used to know. She compared it to this masterpiece of an island – realizing that she had no one to share this with. No purpose to this place rather than aimless exploration.

She thought about her lack of a place in either of these two worlds. She walked along the mountainside to a cliff, pondering this dilemma in her mind while observing the beauty of the sun setting beyond the horizon of the ocean.

She buried her face in her hands with calm tears streaming down. “What do I do?” she whispered to herself.

The little black book let out a burst of light. Startled, she leaned over the page to see what was happening.

“Fly.”

She looked out over the cliff to the sea below. The waves vigorously crashed against the rocks below.

Another burst of light came from the book.

“Trust me.”

And with that, she smiled. She got up with a start and walked backward several steps to give room for a running start. She didn’t even think about it before her legs began running towards the edge of the cliff. She already decided that neither life nor death mattered, so whatever happened next wouldn’t matter either.

Then she jumped.

The end.