Seaing Love

Love is a funny thing, don’t you think? To be free and wild in love and happiness is a rare thing, and yet, so many people claim they have found love.

There are so many kinds of love; Friends, family, obligatory love, companion love, platonic love, love of something and so much more. I know love’s deepest depths but it was tricky finding it.

Even more so it was tricky to explore it.

It started with love for the sea.

Ever since I was a little girl I have loved the sea. From making waves with my hands in the wind during car rides, to tracing the waves and scaly fish of children’s books; from sneaking into muddy creaks looking for buried treasure, to jumping into the fish pond at our local park. I take extra long baths and extra long showers allowing my fingers to wrinkle in that wonderful and mysterious way. Water is my friend and my love and my obsession.

The sea called to me. I heard it’s waves and it’s beckoning in the middle of America. The rush of wheat and corn was the call of the sea and storm to me. I felt it in my bones that creaky wail of the wind heavy with natural salt and the fragrance of oily fish. I longed to be there in the middle of nowhere. I longed to be in the middle of everywhere. She sang to me, she whispered, she cried for me and asked why I was not there surrounded by dark blue waves and no ship in sight.

Why was I not floating on my back weightlessly hovering like a bird of the water and breathing in the sky? Why was I not under the waves and weaving through coral, swimming with the seahorse and octopus? Why was I not caressing the shipwreck still lying in it’s grave?

When I was of age I picked up what could travel and rode away, not for my career like I told those concerned for me, but for the sea and a glimpse, a breath, a dip of her sparkling waves.

I had no apartment, no school, no job to call my own and I was happier for it. I was free and wild in love and happiness.

Arriving at night had advantages mostly in the fact that everyone was asleep in their beds or preoccupied with no-good people up in stores and on streets. I had the sand for myself when I first saw her. A vast abyss of navy blue, the sky and sea were melded together and refused to be separated, the horizon barely visibly squeezed in the middle. It was so unlike the lakes, ponds, and rivers of my prairie homeland. My homeland is sweet and heaven like in its purity and gentle in every sense of the word. But the magic that seeped into the pores of my skin as I stood in awe and delight was of no gentle nature. The wind that pushed and pulled as much as the waves whipping my red hair across my face was sinful and salt that kissed my lips had no grain of sugar to be found, I was startled then when I realized this was the first time I felt at home.

Entranced, I dropped the bag and towel I carried and made my way to her, closing the gap between us that was eighteen years long. I walked out of my flip flops and into the waves. When my toes hit the water a shiver went up my body causing me to catch my breath. I stumbled back and landed on the sand. My legs were tingling and the air felt suddenly thin. It was thrilling and I want to see if it would happen again so I chased the wave and let it wrap around my ankles and pull me in. Under the moonlight I saw glittering green in the form of scales pop up beside me and stroke the water. My heart soared and my arms swam underneath the deep blue finally catching my breath as I went.

After a few minutes I finally popped up and realized I couldn’t see land anymore. I turned and saw a boat far into the distance, almost out of reach and decided where they go I would follow and find my first adventure.

I took a moment and said goodbye to my life I had before.

Goodbye Ariel.