Power Trip

"Desire Becomes Surrender, Surrender Becomes Power"

Sound like a familiar quote? Well if you have watched Suicide Squad, that's probably why.

Ever since I heard this phrase, I just couldn't shake the meaning away. Here is why.

Before I met my wonderful husband, I was in a volatile relationship. Mental and physical abuse, cheating (on his side, not mine), the whole nine yards. I went from tip toeing around and hiding bruises, to standing up for myself and kicking him out of the house.

The reason I love this quote is the meaning that I took from it. Everyone is going to see it differently, but here is how I took it.

DESIRE:

To me it is talking about the feelings someone has, that they often mistake for love. They desire that person. They have that desire for someone, which means they will do anything for them. They want their attention, they crave their affection. They will go to the ends of the earth to get their attention and make them happy.

SURRENDER:

The surrender can come in many ways. Surrendering to their demands, surrendering to what they want. Giving them whatever they want, not caring what the consequences are to themselves. Unfortunately, I was in that situation. I was so sure I was in love (a quick budding romance with a cattle hauler who was 13 years older than I was at the time). I was ready to throw all of those red flags aside (which I did, every damn one), and make it more convenient for him. Revolve my life around him. Make him happy, with no care about how I was feeling physically or mentally. Take all of the hits (physically and emotionally). Let him make me feel like the lesser person, take all of the blame for everything that he was doing wrong in the relationship. Not saying that I was perfect, because I am far from it. But he was an evil, manipulative man.

POWER:

Then comes the struggle for power. Once you surrender, they know they have power over you. They know your weakness, which at that point is them. You'll cave, and they know it. They'll use it to their advantage. The one thing I have learned from being in an abusive relationship is the power. They thrive on the power, both physical and mental. They want to control every aspect of your life, including the way you dress and act. The way you do things. The people you talk to. It gets so ridiculous and you either deal with it, or stand up for yourself and move on. I did and it was the best thing I ever did. After having someone over power me and rule my life for about 3 years, I was done. It shook me to the core, kicked my depression into full gear, but then it happened. When it was all over, it was the start of a new beginning for me. A wave of relief, and that was when I knew, I had to have the quote somewhere with me forever. I wanted it to be a daily reminder of what I went through, and that it will not ever happen again.

For those of you who haven't seen the movie, watch it just for this. Take a look at the most toxic relationship on screen. The quote shows just that.

Never live FOR someone, live WITH them. BESIDE them.

Thrive with them. Build with them.

You'll be thankful in the end that you did.