O'Connell Bridge - Pt. 24

LC stood in the Ashling Hotel bar sipping on a beer at the prescribed time.

Seamus walked through. “Looking sharp, Mr. Brennan.”

“Hey, you can call me Liam, or LC. I’m not used to the Mister stuff.”

Seamus patted him on the shoulder. “Get used to it. If we go to Paulies for Pizza and beer later tonight, I might be so bold to use your given name, but while working and especially in public, you must expect to be called Mr. Brennan.”

LC didn’t respond, just sipped the beer.

Ten minutes later Seamus passed by again. “Clarice just arrived. You should go to the car and meet her; normally, you would be watching for her.”

LC walked out of the bar to curb side where the driver was opening the door.

“Well?” Clarice looked out.

“Oh,” LC put out his hand to pull her out of the car.

Clarice glared at him. “We’ll do it again. When you approach the car, after the door is opened, offer your hand, palm up. The female will place her hand on top of yours and stand.”

LC blinked. “Okay.”

“And don’t stare at me. I am arriving for tea, not a romp dans le foin.’’

LC stuttered, “Yes, uh, Clarice.”

“And remember this. If you are on a date with a gorgeous woman and when entering any restaurant, you will have arrived first. Why? It’s because if the inside of the restaurant is unfamiliar territory, it is every gentleman’s obligation is to protect his lady companion in all unpleasant situations that may arrive. If you arrive at the same time, then the gentlemen walks with a guarded appearance or indeed may even, on a rare occasion, lead if the situation is so tenuous or unfamiliar.”

“Yes, Clarice.”

“Again George,” Clarice ordered and the driver closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side.

As they pulled away, LC glanced over at Seamus. “What happened?”

“She’s coming back. Try to look at her face and smile, not at her legs.”

LC felt his face flush. “She was wearing a short cocktail dress and her long legs were the first thing I noticed when George opened the door.”

“Okay, you get another chance.” Seamus stepped back into the shadow.

The car eased up the street and then stopped, the driver came to the passenger door and pulled it open. LC stepped forward and offered his hand properly.

“Better,” she said. “One more time, George. The driver closed the door and LC stepped away from the curb. A minute later the car made a wide U-turn and the driver circled the car and then opened the door. LC held out his hand. She touched his palm and stood. “Now turn and offer me your arm.”

LC noticed that, in heels, she was nearly equal to his height. He stuck his arm out in a crook.

“No. Keep your hand close to your side and simply extend your upper arm about two inches. Let’s do it again.” She returned to the car seat and closed the door. She rolled down the window. “We’ll stay here, George.”

The driver opened the door again and LC extended his hand, turned slightly and offered his arm. Clarice put her hand through the opening between his jacket and his arm, but her hand touched his forearm. “Better,” she whispered. “You smell of beer.” She paused and looked at him. “Never, and I mean never, take a female, especially a beautiful woman, to cocktails and have a beer while waiting. It makes your breath stink. While you should always have breath mints available, never drink a beer, have a club soda, or if you must-carry a Stoli, but never a beer.”

“Yes, Clarice.”

“Go wash your mouth out or get some mints. I’ll be back in 10 minutes and we’ll do it all again. Seamus, see to him.” She turned and walked back to the car.

Seamus walked up to LC. “Like I said, this is going to be fun. Run up to your room and brush your teeth and gargle. I’ll get some mints and meet you here at the door.”

LC ran to the elevator and then to his room. “Shish.” Five minutes later, he was downstairs and waiting on the arrival of Clarice.

The car pulled up and LC performed all of the motions perfectly and walked with Clarice into the bar. “A gentleman would ask his date if she would like champagne, if he does not know what she prefers to drink. You are not here to suck up liquor like they do in America. You are here to have refreshment before dinner. As I said before, do not under any circumstances, when entertaining a lady; order a beer, Stoli rocks, a glass of wine, even a scotch if you’re an old man. A key is that a gentleman never has a snoot full of liquor; especially if he wants or plans to bed down the woman he’s with. Understand? Don’t get any ideas.”

LC almost grinned, but instead said, “Yes, Clarice.”

“When you are at the cocktail party prior to meeting Mrs. O’Neil, you may only have club soda. For one thing if you spill it won’t stain, the other thing, is that it is almost odorless. And, importantly, you can maintain all your senses.” She waved at the bartender who smiled back. “Okay, let’s do it all again. By the way, this lady would enjoy a glass of champagne, so you’ll know what to pre-order.”

LC placed a flute of champagne on a small table across from his own club soda.

They went through the routine another time, this time he was able to escort Clarice to the table. “About tables. If you had no reservation and you have to choose a table, you will choose the proper size of the table that suits you and your company. If it’s only you and your lady, you won’t sit at a table for six persons.”

“Now, you need to learn how to seat me.”

LC stood ready.

“When taking a seat at the table the man should help his lady by stepping behind her and pulling the chair out and then bringing it back in as she is preparing to take a seat. Note. A gentleman should sit at a table facing the exit of the restaurant. Practice.”

They practiced three more times before Clarice sat at the table and didn’t indicate that they should review the elements one more time or practice any longer. She leaned toward LC. “You learn very quickly. At this pace, we may be ahead of schedule tomorrow. Speaking of tomorrow, we are having tea twice. You might prefer coffee in the morning. However, we will meet here in the restaurant. Tea in the morning is called elevenses. Gentlemen sometimes join in this tea. Ours is for business reasons. The late tea is like the coffee break you American’s take, the siesta the Spanish take, and a number of other mid-afternoon breaks or goof-offs all around the world. The English started the tradition by a Countess getting hungry at mid-morning and afternoon. Now, about everyone pauses between 3 and 4 in the afternoon. The earlier tea is just an English habit.”

“Interesting.”

Clarice smiled. “Like dirt, I imagine. Tomorrow we will discuss what you may say, but today, tell me; what would you discuss with a lady if you were on a date.”

LC cleared his throat. “I guess I don’t really date in the formal sense. I yell at friends to go get pizza or a beer. The woman I kinda dated, it was sit on her floor and eat Chinese.”

“Ever ask her out on date, or even to dinner?”

“Not like that. I mean I invited her to come with me places. Oh, I had a coupon for a nice restaurant where I live and we got dressed up and had drinks and dinner.”

“Americans,” Clarice said with antipathy.

LC looked at her like she said something vile.

“Most Americans I have met seem to have less manners than a mad dog, although Liam, you are somewhat different. Maybe it’s because of your age or because you’re a student.”

LC decided to pursue his thoughts. “Clarice, I take it you’ve met a lot of Americans?”

“I try not too. Most I have met are bullies and boors. I saw pushy old men in Paris yelling at Parisians because they didn’t speak English. And, the more I meet the worse it gets.”

“Wow, I’m sorry. I don’t see that I guess. I move in pretty pleasant circles. I mean like my friends tend to be super friendly and open, generally we’re a pretty accepting group.”

She reached out and touched his arm. “I think that may be one of the reasons Mrs. O’Neil wants to meet you. You’re absolutely innocently charming.” She paused. “Okay, let's get out of this now. I understand you and Seamus may be going out tonight. Take a cab. Nobody knows you here and you should be safe. Okay, stand and hold my chair while I stand. When we walk out, you will simply say to the Concierge, her car please.”

LC stood and held the chair for her as she instructed.

“Now, after I stand up, you stand out of the way and let me get out of the table area.” She took his arm as before. “Normally you would pay the check before we leave. A gentleman excuses himself and goes to the bar and settles the bill. Never allow it to come to the table. Let’s do the whole thing again. Order another champagne please.” She walked back to the car and once again LC received her and escorted her into the bar. He seated her and seated himself, sipped on his soda water and then helped her up and they walked toward the car. Clarice stopped just before they reached the door. “You have to learn to kiss me in public. We’ll practice here, so when we get to the car you won’t be embarrassed.”

“Kiss?”

“Yes, you’ve just had cocktails with a beautiful female companion. If she is a business associate, or someone unfamiliar, it is entirely different. English style would be to kiss each cheek without actually pressing your lips into my cheek. Try it.”

LC fumbled through the motions.

“Again, it should be as natural as breathing.”

LC went through the motions.

“About like a stuffy English diplomat. Put a little feeling into it.”

LC tried again to perform the two kiss method.

Clarice laughed. “We’ll work on that. In most circles, it is as common as a handshake. Okay, next you’re taking me to the car. The driver will hold open the door. I’ll turn, as your date should do and you will kiss me on the lips.”

LC grinned. “Really.”

“Okay hot shot, not passion. It’s a recognition kiss. Depending on the deepness of feelings, the pressure of the kiss changes.”

LC turned to her and kissed her on the lips.

“Okay, that’s about right. Remember, you’ll be in public. Do not make a spectacle. Generally, men do not know how to kiss politely. Very few know how to kiss at all. You might eventually be the exception.”

“Yes, Clarice.”

She laughed. “You’re too cute for words. Okay, let’s go out. Remember to ask for my car, we’ll stand in the shade arm in arm, just like now.”

A minute later the car arrived and Clarice more or less pulled him to the open door. She turned and he held her hand and kissed her. He turned his palm up and helped guide her to the seat.

“Good, we’ll do it again.” She stood. “George no need to move the car, just walk around when I approach.”

They repeated the kiss, and the seating in the car. Each time he attempted to kiss her a little more forcibly.

Clarice squeezed his fingers the final practice and closed her eyes.

George closed the door and Clarice rolled down the window. “I’ll see you for tea tomorrow. I will not be here for breakfast as originally planned. Liam, really, you’re doing well. We’ll work again tomorrow morning. I hate I have to miss breakfast, we have a lot of work to do on meals.”

The car rolled away with LC standing on the curb watching. “Get the thought out of your head, she’s old enough to be your big sister.”

Seamus patted him on the shoulder. “I put jeans and sweatshirt on your bed. There are deck shoes there too. Go get changed and we’ll go get a pizza and beer.”

“I thought I was getting room service.”

“Clarice thought you needed to relax. You’re probably ready for a real drink.”

LC laughed. “No kidding.”

To be continued...