Now I See

Legend has it you don't choose the book, the book chooses you", the pretty tour guide stated as she caressed the Perspex case containing the black manuscript. Her manicured nails tapped the box slightly as she scanned the tourists faces and noticed their attention waning. "Seek its mysteries if you dare" she concluded, turning to continue the tour. Liam inspected the contents of the case; his interest piqued. Julietta had woven a tale of intrigue and mystery around the innocuous historical volume. He stroked the Perspex with his finger, subconsciously expecting a physical reaction fitting an object from the realm of the supernatural. Liam chuckled as he shook his head as if to rid himself of the superstitious nonsense that had alighted upon him. Quickly he made his way to join his companions.

Liam was never supposed to travel alone. His mate Seb was of Maori descent and together they planned to tour his homeland. However, the cruel hand of destiny intervened. Seb’s illness was subtle at first, but the end swept upon them with unexpected force and finality. Grief stricken; Liam vowed to make the trip in honour of Seb, scattering his ashes at a sacred site on New Zealand’s South Island. Not surprising to Liam, he found that Seb would not let a little thing like death prevent companionship! His presence was palpable, and at times Liam could almost hear his friendly banter; ‘Hey, I saw the way you was lookin’ at her, bro! You like her, eh?’ Liam laughed at the imagining. Entering the hotel, he consulted Seb, “Do you think the book has power and mystery like Jules insinuated?” “Excuse me?” a high-pitched voice answered to his left. “Oh, I’m so sorry Dorothy, I was talking to myself” Liam laughed. Liam had met Dorothy and her husband Len at the airport in Sydney before the flight over. The middle-aged couple were on their ‘holiday of a lifetime.’ Dorothy had been delighted to learn that they would be staying in the same hotel in Christchurch and had made an inner vow to watch out for the young man. They had become friends as they traveled, and Liam welcomed their kindness.

Usually, Liam was a man of organization and logic, however on this trip he found himself led by the voice of spontaneity. Perhaps it was New Zealand’s strong spiritual flavour that required savouring, or perhaps it was because he felt the companionship of a dead man demanded freedom and inclination. All he knew was that reason and forethought had vanished. He was pondering these things as he stood in line at Black Betty Cafe the next morning. “Kia ora” she said interrupting his thoughts, as she fell into line behind him. ‘Bro, stop staring and answer the girl’ Seb’s familiar accent echoed from somewhere deep inside. “Ahh...” he began, his mind mysteriously empty of familiar speech. “Jules right. From the museum?,” he finally managed as mental soundness returned. “Julietta, yes. I recognized you from the tour group. You showed interest in the Book of Epiphany” she answered as the line moved slowly forward. “Oh yes, the black book. More a curiosity than anything.” “I could give you a closer look” she whispered curiously as she pushed her hair behind her shoulder. Liam leaned in closer as if they were co-conspirators in a major crime ring. Lowering his voice, he teased “does it have magical powers over beautiful women, to bend their wills to mine?” She paused; her brown eyes piercing. “That book is the doorway to great treasure for those who can see” she snapped, clearly unamused at his feeble flirtatious attempt. He felt chastised, and slightly embarrassed as the generic girl behind the counter took his order.

Taking a seat, Liam mentally kicked himself for his immaturity. This trip was about Seb. It was about honouring his memory and transporting him to o te nga tangata o te Waipounamu, the place from which the spirits depart, so he could join his ancestors in the afterlife. Liam was not a religious man, but Seb was born into a rich spiritual heritage. Scattering Seb’s ashes at the portal would be Liam’s final gift and farewell. “Can I sit?” she asked, interrupting his thoughts for the second time that morning. He was surprised that she had followed him, but he politely agreed. “I’m sorry for being rude” she began. “I am very passionate about the book and my role as keeper.” “Your role?” Liam smirked, “I thought you were a tour guide.” “I masquerade as a tour guide” she smiled. Liam was suddenly very uninterested in pursuing the conversation. A light-hearted verbal exchange may have improved his sombre condition, but Jules did not appear light-hearted, and he was not in any mood for obscuration. “Look Jules” he started kindly. “Julietta” she corrected. Frustrated he almost shouted as he leaned across the table at her, “Jules, Julietta, who cares!” Julietta seemed unperturbed at his outburst. “You’re so intense” he said retreating, looking around to see if he had alerted other patrons. “I’m sorry,” he sighed taking a sip of the coffee that had just arrived, hoping to calm his irritation. “Please, tell me about the book” he said, feeling it necessary to cover his own impertinence.

“The book” she began leaning forward, “has chosen you.” The sudden laughter that rose in his chest caused him to choke on the scrambled egg in his mouth. “I’m sorry, what?”, he asked when he had composed himself. “It has called you by name” she said with all seriousness. The ridiculous statement hung in the thickness between them momentarily. Seb would have loved this, he thought. A colossal Maori warrior, with a temperate demeanour, he always found humour in Liam’s discomfort. Liam trusted the senses. He believed in what he could see, hear, taste, smell and touch. The last time he checked, books could not talk, and they definitely did not know his name. Just play along Liam, he thought. “So, what exactly has the book chosen me for?” he asked in mock sincerity. “The book chooses you to receive, in order to give. It invokes sight, so that you might hear, and provides hearing that you might see. It chooses to reveal its treasure, and through death, teaches life.” Treasure? He chose to ignore the mention of death, but treasure interested him. He had deferred Med School for this trip. He would need a dollar or two when he got back. “How much treasure we talking here Jules?” he asked, resisting the urge to cover one eye and talk like a pirate. “It is not monetary treasure, Liam” she stated without acknowledging his ridicule. Had he told her his name? He was sure he had not. “I know your name” she vocalized, but had he asked? “Wait a minute. What’s going on here?” Liam laughed with rising discomfort. Reaching into her bag Julietta produced the book and handed it to him. Liam apprehensively took it and reached for his golden chalice. He took a sip of the cool amber liquid as a winged cherub flew the length of the great hall in which he and Julietta sat dressed in finery the likes of which he had never seen. He dropped the book as if it had scorched him, as his coffee mug clattered to the floor of the café he had returned to. She had gained his attention. All derision evaporated instantaneously as the waitress arrived to clean up the spill. “I am so sorry” he apologized as he slowly comprehended the mug on the floor, and his rational mind tried to grasp the unreality that had just occurred.

Julietta smiled slowly and rose to leave. Liam scurried after her. “Wait! Jules, what is going on? You can’t leave me like this!” “Julietta” she insisted, stopping momentarily to correct him. She continued her exit while he followed her, stumbling over his feet, shaken and slightly afraid. Julietta led him to a park bench and continued. “This world is a shadow Liam, it bares resemblance, but it is not authentic. It works by inferior rules, and veiled concepts. But, if we can see, if we can hear, if we can learn the keys of life in the imperceptible realm, we can use them here in this temporal existence.” She seemed to be speaking gibberish. “You asked for treasure, but carnal treasure is a snare of the soul if it is misunderstood. Nevertheless, I will grant it, but know that true treasure is wisdom and understanding. Seek and you will find.” Once again, she handed him the book. He hesitated. “Take it” she said. “Study it. Learn its precepts. Remember that the authentic is a land of reversal. Give to receive. Die to live.” He received the book, this time with no curious consequence. She rose and began walking decisively away from him. His comprehension marching with her. “Julietta” he called with urgency. She turned and smiled with mischief in her eyes. “Call me Jules” she winked, and with that she was gone.

“Oh Seb” was Liam’s monotone chant all the way back to the hotel. He would deny the whole thing except for the black book stuck firmly under his arm. “There you are Liam,” Dorothy called as he neared the entrance. “I was hoping to run into you. Len has taken ill, and we must cut our trip short. We have flights first thing tomorrow.” “I’m sorry to hear that” Liam replied with concern. “What do you think is wrong?” “Oh, my dear, Len has cancer. He was in remission, but tests confirm it’s back.” Liam felt unexpectedly nauseous. “Are there treatments?” he asked. “Yes, experimental. We will sell the house when we get back to pay for it.” Sadly, they said goodbye and Liam made his way to his room. He quickly changed and left the threatening artifact on his bed. He didn’t want to think. What he needed was chaos and noise. Although usually avoided, slot machines and alcohol looked extremely attractive as he entered the hotel casino. With his third pull of the leaver, flashing lights and piercing whistles declared the pokies found a win! Chaos ensued, as workers surrounded him demanding identification and asking questions. In shock and confusion, Liam could hear Julietta’s voice “Nevertheless, I will grant it:” He had forgotten.

All night Liam wrestled with his thoughts. What should he do with the money? Sleep alluded him, but dawn bought clarity. He rose early and made his way to Dorothy and Len’s room. “Ten thousand dollars?” Dorothy exclaimed in disbelief. “I know it is not enough, but it might help” Liam acknowledged. Through hugs and tears they parted; friendships forever sealed. His phone was ringing as he entered his room. “Hi Mum” he greeted calmly. “Oh Liam, I’m sorry to bother you, but I was so excited! You know that Uncle Harold died last year, they’ve just read his will, and he’s left me $20 000!” Liam could hear the excited tears in her voice. “Mum, that’s great! That will change your life!” Liam’s head was spinning. First, he wins, and now his Mum. “No Son, it won’t change my life” she stated cryptically. “I’m giving it to you, to go towards Med School.” Liam sat in stunned silence. “Coincidence” his logical mind shouted while, “There’s no such thing as coincidence” thundered in silence.

Choice now commanded a decision. Live in the shadows or discover an inverted reality that had called his name? In a few days Liam would travel to Wharaiki Beach to farewell his friend. One whom he suspected had drawn him to explore mystery and truth. Truth that he could not forsake. “Give to receive” echoed in his heart continually. His first lesson in truth. Tentatively his heart applauded the day that he would see beyond the mystery of the veil to say; "Oh yes. Now I see."