Note to Self

The man awakes. He sees the laminated card resting on his nightstand; he picks it up and begins reading.

Hey Scott, this is me, you. This note is a few reminders for you as your memory has show signs of impairment lately. This list is merely an aid to help remind you of a few key ideas.

Don’t panic. You’re not dying. At least not yet.

But your memory does have some problems. Oops! I see I already said that. I told you we have memory problems. LOL!

We have to laugh. Right? None of us get out of this thing alive after all.

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Your Usernames and Passwords

At the bottom of this document is a link. If you click on it, it will take you to a secure site that holds all your usernames and passwords. (If this is the day you’ve forgotten the meaning of the words link or username, may I suggest you call your sister. Her number is shown just below the links I mentioned above, at the very end of this document, in other words.

Your phone sits on the night table that is on the left side of your bed.

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The Shower Setting

I have adjusted the shower knob to deliver the temperature water you enjoy most. So don’t change it, okay?

A reminder, you take pride in not taking over-long showers. You get in wash your hair and face. Then you quickly wash everything else with a bar of soap. Your logic (and it shouldn’t shock you to learn this, but I agree! LOL!) is that the shampoo falls down your body and cleans everything in advance.

But seriously, don’t monkey with the shower knob, okay?

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Tips on Hygiene

When you get out of your bed, on the side toward the night-table, you will see two rooms in front of you. The one on the left is your closet, the one on the right is the bathroom.

I just wanted to pass along a few tips on your daily hygiene regimen.

First, don’t undress until you’re in the bathroom. There’s a mirror on the vanity between the two rooms, and you have no desire to see yourself naked. Nobody wants that. So, trust me, undress in the bathroom, okay?

You usually put your clothes on the bed, which is fine, but don’t look in the mirror as you leave the bathroom.

Here’s the thing, you don’t like your body. You must remember this!

One other note. Please remember to suck in your gut as you move through your days and the world. Please? You have a fair amount of fat around your midsection, so you’ll be doing everyone a solid if you can remember to keep it reigned in a bit. Sound good?

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Shirt First, Always

One final note on dressing, and then we’ll move on, I promise.

When you dress, you are more embarrassed by your gut than by anything else, so put on your shirt first, buddy. It’s worked for six decades; why fix something that’s not broken?

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Your Skin

I feel like I sound like an oppressive shrew. That is not my intention here. I’m merely trying to help you (which is, we have established, me!) navigate your daily life with a less than perfect memory. I have your best interests at heart, always. How could I not?

You’ve never been comfortable in your skin. Being comfortable in your skin is a lovely idea for other people. We don’t enjoy being in our skin. We never have, and we never will. So don’t try, okay?

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Be You, But Go Easy With It

Okay, I think that about wraps thing up here.

Be you. Be the way I’ve described you. If you tried something else one day, how would you remember it without a document like this? (You’re welcome, by the way.)

My point is this: if you stop being the way you’ve always been, would you still be you? I think the safe money is on a steady ‘no!’

I’m going to print and laminate this. Please leave it on your night table so you can read it every morning, okay?

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Originally published at http://storiesbyshawn.com on June 20, 2021.