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Noel Leon and Uldouz Wallace Answer All Your Questions

From losing our virginity to sleeping with Justin Bieber, Noel and I get real with each other.

By Uldouz WallacePublished 6 years ago 6 min read

Noel and I collaborate a lot on Instagram - we laugh, we pose, and then we laugh some more! We get interviewed a lot, so we decided to ask each other some tough questions: what our love lives are like, which celebrities turn us on, and who the hell Elon Musk is...

I Lost My Virginity When…

Noel: How was the first time you lost your virginity?

Uldouz: Oh, I lost my virginity when I was sixteen. It was horrible!

Noel: Why?

Uldouz: It was just bad! He was older. He went in and went out. That was it! I was in pain! End of story.

Noel: Sounds very romantic!

Uldouz: Yeah, it was very romantic. What about yours? When did you lose your virginity?

Noel: I lost my virginity when I was eighteen.

Uldouz: I got a head start, but I didn't do anything after that until two years after.

Noel: Well, I went to an all girl’s Catholic school it was really hard to meet guys. Also, I was a huge nerd and competing in figure skating so all my guy friends were gay.

Uldouz: Okay.

My First Kiss…

Noel: How was your first kiss?

Uldouz: My first kiss was awful. It was a truth or dare and basically the guy that I had dared to kiss was cockeyed. So he was looking sideways. The whole time I kept saying, “look at me!” But, he just kept looking all around.

Noel: Oh, my gosh!

Uldouz: It was really bad! And, he had bad breath!

Noel: Poor guy!

Uldouz: He smelt like onions!

Noel: So, you never ate onions again after that traumatizing experience?

Uldouz: Yeah, I never liked onions after! I only eat cartelized onions.

Noel: It sounds like you had sex with a cockeyed vampire. Its like out of the Twilight movies. You're like, “and then he sucked my blood!” He’s probably watching and he feels so bad.

Uldouz: How was your first kiss?

Noel: My first kiss was when I was really young at a dance called Catillions that my mom made me go to. My mom made me go with her friends son, who was so weird. I kissed him because I thought thats what you were supposed to do at the dance since I saw all of my friends making out. But, it was so gross! Then, going to an all girls’ Catholic School where was I going to meet a hot guy?

Uldouz: I think thats the place to maybe meet a guy!

Noel: At an all girls’ Catholic school?

Uldouz: Yeah, because you wouldn't expect a guy to be there.

Noel: Because they're not there!

If I Was Stranded on an Island…

Uldouz: Who would you want to be on a stranded island with?

Noel: I would want to be on a stranded island with Elon Musk, because we would definitely be getting off that island. He would invent some sort of contraption out of raw materials or figure out how engineer some sort of tunnel under the earth. I mean if he can be the think tank behind Hyperloop and SpaceX I'm sure he can figure out a way to get us off the island.

Uldouz: Who’s Elon Musk?

Noel: He’s the CEO of Tesla.

Uldouz: Oh, okay! Environmental friendly!

Noel: Who would you want to be on a stranded island with?

Uldouz: That one is easy! I would want to be on a deserted island with no options of getting out with Dwayne the Rock Johnson! And, if he tried I would be like, “Where do you think you’re going?”

Noel: It sounds like you have this plan already mapped out.

Uldouz: Yeah, I’ve already been planning this for years. Its excellent!

Noel: Well, now you told him your plan if he reads this. He’s like ten times your size! He could lift you up with one hand.

Uldouz: Well, thats the whole point! Thats why I want to be on a deserted island with him! I’m hoping he will lift me up and do more than that!

Noel: Alright.

Uldouz: If you know what I’m saying!

My Favorite Comedian Is…

Noel: Who’s your favorite comedian?

Uldouz: My favorite comedian is Dave Chapelle.

Noel: Why?

Uldouz: Because he’s just so funny! I’ve met him before and he’s just naturally funny.

Noel: He’s funny in person? You know when you meet comedians sometimes they’re just not funny.

Uldouz: Yeah, they’re serious. What about you? Who’s your favorite comedian?

Noel: My favorite is David Spade because I filmed a video with him and he's really cool! He’s probably one of the most down to earth celebrity that I’ve become friends with. My second is Whitney Cummings. I have a huge girl crush on her, because she writes huge TV shows and has horses. I just want to be her! I want to stalk her and be her!

Uldouz: You want to stalk her? Where would you stalk Whitney Cummings?

Noel: I’ll go to her horse ranch and just like—:

Uldouz: “Oh my god Whitney!”

Noel: “Oh my god Whitney! I want to be you,” extremely obnoxiously.

My Favorite Book Is…

Noel: Speaking of hot sex on a deserted island, whats your favorite book?

Uldouz: I would say The Secret. Because, I like thinking about things and saying they’re going to happen.

Noel: Like the Rock thing? She has like a big board and it’s just like the Rock. And, she stares at it while reading the Secret.

Uldouz: Well, I have a picture of the Rock with like two twins captioned “perfect guy.” What about you whats your favorite book?

Noel: My favorite book is The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath, because I speaks to how far we’ve come as women in society. She suffered from depression and actually killed herself after she wrote this semi autobiographical work. But, it was such a perfect depiction of women in the early sixties. Psychoanalyzing her character is fascinating because she perfectly illustrates how someone can get trapped in their own mind. I think “insanity” is a fine line to cross in our fragile human anatomy. Its so easy for all of us to fall victim to some sort of disillusionment at one point or another.

Uldouz: I want to read it!

I Would Kiss, Fuck, and Kill…

Noel: If you could kiss someone, fuck someone, or kill someone, who would it be? The options are Justin Bieber, George Clooney, or The Weeknd.

Uldouz: I would kiss Justin Bieber, fuck George Clooney, and kill The Weeknd.

Noel: Why, he has great music?

Uldouz: I don’t like his hair.

Noel: Selena Gomez would be pissed if you killed her boyfriend. She would do a remake of Taylor Swift’s song “Bad Blood” about you.

Uldouz: He just looks so serious. It would drive me nuts. What about you? Who would you kiss, fuck, or kill?

Noel: I would fuck Bieber only because he's the best of the three options. George Clooney I would kill because he’s already pretty old so I wouldn't feel as guilty about killing him. Because, if I had to kill someone, if murder was essential— not that I’m condoning it—I would kill Clooney. The Weeknd I would marry and probably pull his hair really hard.

Uldouz: What is his hair came out?

Noel: I would pull it and say, “Now can you feel your face while you’re with me.”

Uldouz: Okay!

Noel: This was fun!

Uldouz: Yes! Thats a wrap!


About the Creator

Uldouz Wallace

Actress/Stand Up Comedian/Entrepreneur. Website:uldouz.comInstagram:@uldouz

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