Nebbia: The Diary of a Stoner

Preface

December 23, 2020

I know it’s been a long time since I’ve written in here, but after what I saw today… I need to just write it down to work through my feelings.

I’ve been doing okay for the past years. But only okay. Not great. And it’s all because of her and what she made me go through.

Lucia. Such a beautiful name for a beautiful woman. Well, she’s less of a woman and more a tsunami that saturated my life with love and sustenance then receded away without warning and left me high and dry, leaving me completely bewildered and hurt.

I ask myself if it would have been better if she never came into my life, but I’m not sure of the answer. This is why I need to write down all that she made me go through and try to find an answer.

Oh, I guess I should give some context about what I saw today and made me feel so compelled to write all this down.

Let me paint the picture:

the time was around 7pm, and it was frigidly cold. Little snowflakes were dusting my hair while the inches of snow crunched beneath my snow boots. I followed the yellow glow coming from her living room window. I wasn’t sure what drew me to go by her house today. I haven’t seen nor talked to Lucia for two years and about four months. I was glad to know that she was still in the same house, which I’m still not sure why I am happy about it. At any rate, the yellow glow coming from her window beckoned me. I felt welcomed, which I knew wasn’t the truth at all. Last time I talked to her, she told me she never wanted to see me again. So of course I wouldn’t be welcomed to her place. But yet the light welcomed and warmed me. It called me closer, but I realized then it was just as menacing as Lucia herself. So warm and cozy and beautiful but once you get closer you realize it is only there to hurt you. The light wanted me to see her there, in her living room, in a red holiday dress. Goodness she looked lovely as ever. Her classic wide smile adorned her perfect face. It was a lovely scene and I stood there for a few minutes just soaking in her beauty as she flitted around the room while decorating for Christmas. I felt so overwhelmed with beauty and warmth and light that I started to turn to head towards her front door… but then he came into the room.

It was Vincenzo. That cocky knockoff. Sometimes, I found it quite humorous that Lucia found someone who looked so much like me. I wonder if she thinks of me when she looks at him: tall, naturally tan, with slightly wavy dark brown hair. I bet she does think of me. I guess I could be flattered that she found a facsimile of her one true love: me.

Even so, as soon as I saw his smug self walking with open arms towards Lucia my stomach plummeted. I can’t believe she’s still with him of all people. Vincenzo has to be my least favorite person on the entire planet and I just stood there, getting colder by the minute, as I watched him wrap his arms around the woman who should still be with me; I was the only man who truly loved her and she should still be with me. I know writing down my history with her will bring up a lot of painful emotions, but I just have to do this. I have to find out why I’m not with her anymore and why she chose to leave me for him. So, I shall begin with the beginning, as one should.

The story continues with Chapter 1: Love at first sight