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My Problem With People Who Say “Just Have Kids” - Simi

Simi opens up about motherhood

By Jide OkonjoPublished 3 months ago 3 min read
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Words said by Nigerian author, Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, have really hit singer Simi hard and she is opening up about the similar experience during motherhood that she shared with the acclaimed author.

Chimamanda when speaking about motherhood said:

CHIMAMANDA NGOZI ADICHIE: Becoming a mother is a glorious gift but it comes at a cost and I think it’s important to acknowledge that, right? There is something that we…and I will say ‘lose’. I felt that I could probably have written two novels had I not had my child. But I think that having her also sort of opened me up to this new, almost a new phase of experience and awareness that I’m hoping will feed my fiction. Even before I had her, when I was pregnant, I felt as though my brain had been wrapped in gauze. So, my brain didn’t work for a long time. And just more creatively, I think I am making my way back because I am working on a novel finally. But I just wasn’t able to get into my fictional space for a long time.

These words really hit Simi deep and in response to what Chimamanda said, Simi is now sharing her own experiencing and voicing out why she has a problem with when people say "just have kids and get it out of the way". Here's what Simi said.

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Reacting to what Chimamanda said, Simi wrote saying:

SIMI: She captured this so beautifully. I remember I had the creative brain freeze too when I was pregnant. It shocked me lol. I’d never felt anything like that before.

Every mother’s journey is different. Some are happy to ‘lose’ whatever they lose. For others, it’s just a bit too much. Your only job is to support her, not judge her experience. I hope we can actually see mothers more and not just beautiful babies.

Mothers should not feel guilty for choosing themselves sometimes and doing whatever they need to be the kind of mothers they need to be. Because, trust me, the majority of the time, they have to choose someone else. So many moms are struggling with depression and can’t speak about it because they’re afraid to be judged as bad moms. You’re not a bad mommy. You’re a person. And you deserved to be seen.

Lastly, in my opinion, saying “just have all your kids and get it out of the way” is such a careless thing to say. Children don’t get out of the way – unless you’re not actually planning to raise them.

Prayers and love to women TTC (trying to conceive). I see you too.

What do you think about what Simi and Chimamanda said, and about this discourse as a whole? Let me know your thoughts by leaving a comment either below or on my Jide Okonjo Facebook post.

That's All.

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About the Creator

Jide Okonjo

I have ONE account and MANY interests. My page is a creative hodgepodge of:

🇳🇬 Nigerian news stories for my dedicated Nigerian readers.

🎥 Movie and music recommendations, listicles, and critiques

📀 Op-eds, editorial features, fiction

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Comments (1)

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  • Vicki Lawana Trusselli 3 months ago

    YOUR KIDS ARE WITH YOU FOREVER

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