MR. DAWSEY'S JOY

Mr. Dawsey’s Joy

“How old is your baby?”

“He’s just three months.”

“And where is your husband, or, do you have one?”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, does he have a father?”

“What does that have to do with you renting the house to me?”

“Well Miss Brooks, I don’t just rent to anybody. I don’t need any trouble to my old house. Can you understand that?”

“And you say ‘trouble’ because you think I’m going to have his daddy or some other man running drugs out your house, is that about it Mrs. Dupree? Let me tell you something; don’t point your damn finger at me because I got a baby with no husband to match. I want to give my son a good life, and this seemed like a nice house to start with, but looking at the owner, I don’t know.”

“Now Miss Brooks I didn’t mean to offend you, I just had to be sure, please accept my apology, the house is yours if you want. Please, I’m terribly sorry.”

“Don’t apologize anymore; just tell me when I can move in.”

He could still smell the smoke from her burning roof. He held his chest in anxiousness as he watched her legs leap from her upstairs window. He was so sure the baby would tumble right out of her arms or the fall would kill them both. His old heart was at ease when he saw her return home with only a sprained ankle and a couple of Band-Aids on her arms. He wished he could have been some kind of savior.

After the neighborhood kids were home from school, he could hear her sweet voice yelling, “Manning get your tail in here and clean up this mess, I didn’t buy these things for you to have them all over the floor!”

“Sorry mom!”

“Don’t ‘sorry Mom’ me, just get it up!”

He sometimes thought she was a little too hard on her son, but he couldn’t see her pain. She was trying to raise a son to be a man, and she was doing it alone and she had no real male models to mold him after.

She didn’t want him to be a weak link in society, life was getting harder with every second, and it wasn’t going to be easier on him just because he was her son. She had to teach him how to be a man, and a good man at that.

Who wanted another father like the one she had? One who beat her nightly, insisting that her bath times belonged to him?

Or the favorite uncle who sodomized her for her Sweet Sixteen? Saying he was coaching her on how to be a woman. And then there was Manning’s father, who was just as lost and confused as she was, and who she hadn’t seen since the day Manning was born.

To him though, she was his Sweet Ebony Goddess. Beautiful, with the brownest skin he’d ever seen. Her lips, when he watched them kiss her son goodbye every morning, he wanted their fullness on his cheek. Her long, wavy black hair seemed to be as thick as cotton, but still as soft as silk. He wanted to swing from her locks. He could only dream of the scent of her skin, what it felt like to touch her; he thought of goose feathers.

“Father, why do you sit in that window all day and night?”

Mr. Dawsey’s thoughts were interrupted. “You know what Son, I like to mind my own business, you should try it sometimes,” he said.

“You’re watching that Black girl across the street again, aren’t you?” Daniel asked, “How is that minding your own business?”

“Her name is Miss Brooks, and I am not watching her and why do you say ‘again’, like I do it all the time?”

Daniel tried but failed to hold in his laughter, “Dad you do know every time I come over here, you’re in your window watching that house across the street. How do you know you’re not freaking her out? She could call the police on you, you know.” Daniel imagined his father being arrested and laughed again while walking over to the window where his father sat, “and why don’t you let some sunshine into this dreary, old room?” He asked and grabbed his Father’s drapes to try to open them.

“Are you laughing at me boy? I’m still you’re father dammit and I don’t want no sun in here, I like it dreary. And why would she call the police?” Mr. Dawsey was only half nervous about his Goddess calling the police on him but he wanted to know.

“Peeping Tom perhaps?” Daniel answered looking down at his father.

“Well she doesn’t see me until you come over here opening up my windows. You must want me to go to jail, or no, you want me to go to Happy Old Farts Estates to rot, so you don’t have to come and check on me every few days, because that’s all you do you know, is come out here two or three days a week, peek in and leave to spend more of my money.” Mr. Dawsey tried to snatch the drapes from his son’s hand when he heard a loud snap and slowly watched them fall heavily onto the floor.

His old, tired arm rose to block the fall sunlight from his eyes when he noticed Miss Brooks run into her home.

The old man’s heart sank. He placed his face in the palms of his freckled hands. “Now look what you did, just leave me alone.”

Mr. Dawsey spoke behind a voice of sorrow that Daniel had never heard before. Paralyzed from the waist down sixteen years ago from a car accident that had left their lives forever changed; Daniel and his brother had lost a mother, but Mr. Dawsey was left without his companion, his independence and his will to live.

Daniel was once adamant about not putting his father in a home but now he was unsure. His wife was pregnant again and the commute was killing him. His older brother Jacob had already hinted to Garland Homes; and Daniel knew that it would destroy what was left of their Dad’s spirit, but something had to change.

“Dad what do you think about Garland Homes, over in Bay East anyway?” He bit his top lip in anticipation of his father’s screams.

“Fine son, whatever you say.” Mr. Dawsey replied without even raising his head.

“What did you say Dad?” Daniel wanted to make sure he’d heard his father correctly.

“You heard me dammit! You want to put me away to rot, go right ahead. What the hell am I going to do, run?”

“Dad it’s not a bad place.”

“Then you go live there!” he snapped.

“It will do you some good,” Daniel pleaded.

Suddenly Mr. Dawsey turned his wheelchair to face his six feet, two-inch son, “You mean it will do you some good, not me. You’re thinking of yourself, just like your mother, and what happened to her huh?” Mr. Dawsey left his son and stubbornly positioned his wheelchair in front of his TV.

“Why do you always have to bring her into every argument we have? She has nothing do with this one and once again she’s not here to defend herself,” Daniel yelled, feeling his neck get hot with anger. His father had managed to upset him like he always did whenever he spoke of his mother.

He understood his father was still upset about everything, but she was dead now, why couldn’t he just let her rest in peace? Daniel took a deep breath and decided to try again, “Dad, is this whole anger thing about Miss Brooks?”

“Daniel, if I were you I would not concern myself with Miss Brooks. Go and make yourself useful and make whatever plans you need to put me away.”

Daniel started to reply but instead he just stared at the back of his father‘s head. There was something else going on that wasn’t his mother, or him. He wanted to help his father but maybe he was just like his mother, selfish and always looking for a convenient way out of everything.

Mr. Dawsey turned his head to speak again, “You and Jacob and those wide ass wives of yours were supposed to take care of me. Your mother left because she really didn’t have the desire or the ability to love a cripple, never mind through sickness and health. She didn’t want me and neither do her sons. Yeah I said it, her sons; you both can’t be mine, ya’ll treat me like I’m a restitution case. SO GO AND MAKE THE DAMN ARRANGEMENTS!”

That was the first time Tammi had heard a sound out of that big house across the street. She wondered about Old Man Dawsey and immediately wanted to smack herself for referring to him by the cruel name the kids had pegged him with. “Mr. Dawsey,” she said, correcting herself out loud.

“Mom, did you just say Mr. Dawsey?” Manning asked his Mother from the living room.

“Boy I know you didn’t just question me, mind your business.” Tammi knew the kids were all afraid of him and she didn’t want to alarm Manning for no reason.

Manning however felt the need to join his mother in the kitchen, “Mom, I’m sorry but did you say, ‘Mr. Dawsey’? Why would you say his name Ma, he gives me the creeps always watching us and stuff.”

“Boy, you give me the creeps with that nappy head of yours, now hush with all that and go back in there and finish your game.”

Manning walked away laughing at his Mother, she was always saying something about is hair. “I’m trying to grow some dreads,” he replied under his breath, silently praying she didn’t hear him and throw something at him for talking back.

Tammi could only assume Mr. Dawsey was a nice man. There were times when she noticed his family visiting, but she never really saw him, ever since she moved in so many years ago; he was always just peeping from behind his bedroom drapes.

She often wondered why he didn’t have a fulltime caregiver; she just knew they had the money. But it was obvious there was no one over there looking after him on a daily basis. Who cooked his meals and helped him get dressed? Tammi wondered.

“That would be a nice job,” she whispered to herself. She was tired of going thirty miles everyday into the city for her two clients when she could have one right across the street. Instantly though, her mind shifted to his bath time, she had never seen a white man naked before, at least not up close and personal. Her two clients were old white women. She shrugged it off, figuring there was only the one obvious difference and she would have to manage.

Tammi began to map out her plans; she wanted to have as much of it together before she went over and officially introduced herself to him. She could fix breakfast at her house and take some over to him after Manning was off to school.

She figured she could spend the day looking after Mr. Dawsey and come home after school to make sure Manning did whatever homework he had; since he was about to turn twelve, she wanted to give him a little independence and freedom. She could even start dinner for Manning and take some of that over to Mr. Dawsey too.

They could work out the rest of the evening as soon as she talked to him and got his routine of things. And right at that moment she sprang from the kitchen table with excitement and ran into the living room to share the news with Manning and to go ahead and get his grunts out of the way, but he was fully engrossed in his video game; still she didn’t want to waste any time.

Tammi quickly turned and retreated to the front door, and was surprised when she opened her door to a very cute white man who was about to ring her doorbell. “Oh, hello there,” she spoke standing frozen. She was not used to strangers coming to her home.

“Hello; Miss Brooks, right?”

Tammi nodded.

“I’m so sorry to intrude, my name is Daniel Dawsey; my father lives across the street.” Daniel pointed with his thumb behind him.

Tammi more than noticed the shiny gold metallic, Mercedes E320. “Come on in, no real intrusion at all, I was just on my way over there,” she said.

“Oh?” Daniel was curious to know why she would need to go over there. Had she finally gotten fed up with his father spying on her and her son?

“Yeah, come on into the kitchen; my son is occupying the living room.”

Daniel followed her down a small hallway and passing the living room he could hear the familiar sounds of a video game; his nephew had that same game.

“Would you like a beer or something?”

“Yes, thank you that would be perfect.” He truly needed something to calm his nerves. He sat down and watched his host move around her small kitchen. She was even prettier in person; he could see why his father admired her. She had a perfect hourglass figure that sat perfectly on two long legs. Her small breasts made him think of small chocolate marshmallows. Daniel was thinking a little too hard and made the mistake of laughing out loud.

“What’s so funny?” Tammi asked while joining him at the kitchen table.

“Oh I’m sorry, I was just having an inside thought of my father,” he had to come up with a quick lie, “I see you chose beer also,” he hoped to quickly change the subject.

“Yeah, I hope you don’t mind. I love a cool one every now and then, they can be so refreshing,” Tammi replied with a smile that she didn’t notice was turning her guest red in the face.

“I agree,” he responded raising his beer to hers. At that moment he would have agreed with anything she’d said. “This is great,” he said, not believing he was drinking a beer in the middle of the day and in the presence of a very pretty and very sexy black woman.

And Tammi just sat there, shocked that she had let a stranger this far into her home; they could have talked on the porch. He was too cute for a white guy and too married to be sitting in her kitchen, she hadn’t been intimate with a man since Manning was conceived.

“So Miss Brooks, you said you were on your way to my Dad’s?” Daniel thought he had stalled long enough; he had to get down to business.

“You can call me Tammi and yeah, I hope I’m not intruding but I know your dad is wheelchair bound and I specialize in Home Hospice care and I noticed that he doesn’t have a fulltime caregiver.” Tammi felt the anxiety pierce through her eyelids as she stared at Daniel waiting for his reply.

“Yes. He pretty much can fend for himself and I check in on him about three or four times a week. I thought he was happy there with his solitude but today he said he wanted to go into a home.”

“Oh no, that would be horrible, I don’t know him very well but I don’t think he really wants to go into a home,” she hoped she wasn’t to late.

“I think he doesn’t want to be a burden anymore,” she continued, “he probably realizes you have a life, I mean I don’t know; I just don’t think a home would be best for him, I was actually wanting to be his nurse.” Tammi knew she was coming off too desperate but she didn’t like the thought of anyone being taken away from all they knew and being thrown into a home of any sort. Even if it was his decision, she was not happy about it.

“You’re probably right Tammi, but I’m supposed to be making the arrangements even as we speak.”

“Well I know you didn’t come over here to use my phone,” Tammi said with a slight giggle.

“No,” Daniel began to say while repositioning himself in his chair, “actually I came over to apologize for his behavior.”

“What behavior?”

“He watches you.” Daniel replied swallowing the last sip of his beer.

“I know.” Tammi stated nonchalantly following with the last sip of her own beer. She rose to return to the refrigerator.

“You know he spies on you?” He watched her body seem to walk in slow motion, slowly returning to the table with two more beers.

“Well, I don’t call it spying and I don’t think he does either. I’ve always known though, honestly he gives my son the creeps but I think it’s rather sweet. He must get bored in that house all alone. Matter of fact, I know he gets lonely because I get lonely and I have Manning to bother with all day,” Tammi answered taking her seat.

“Don’t you have any friends?” Daniel had taken a long sip from his second beer, and it was even better than his first. He just knew the phone was about to ring and there would be some big black dude wanting to take her out.

“That’s funny; I have my son, my bills and my sanity. You’re the first person I’ve even let into my home. I’m really sort of a loner.” She wanted to tell him her reasons but that was none of his business.

“Well why did you let me in? I could be a rapist or a killer.”

Tammi laughed, “Yeah, you could be, but I know you’re not.”

Daniel cocked his head like a curious puppy, he wanted to know why she felt this way and Tammi must have been reading his mind because she decided to continue, “Well, I’ve seen you with your family, the way you laugh and interact with them. I guess it was the last time you all visited your Dad. See I’ve done a little spying of my own, how do you think I know that there is no one there with your Dad during the day?” Tammi smiled triumphantly before drinking from her new beer.

“Well, is it that you want to work for my Dad?” Daniel replied with his own smile, he was actually enjoying himself.

“Yes, and I think I have it pretty much worked out, but of course I’ll have to talk with Mr. Dawsey and see what his daily routine is; I just don’t want to be away from Manning too long.”

Daniel nodded, “Seems cool with me although I still don’t understand why you would give up your social life to baby-sit a crippled old white man.”

Tammi almost choked, “What social life? Didn’t I just tell you I was a loner? You mean getting on my son’s nerves half the day because I’m hovering over him? I know this whole thing seems a little sudden to you but I’ve thought about this even before today. I just actually got the nerve to do something about it. I honestly think this is something your father and I can both benefit from.” Tammi stood to collect the now empty beer bottles from the table.

“Well Tammi, I think it’s really up to him. Let’s go on over and talk to him, I’m sure he’ll be happy to finally meet you.”

“Oh great, let me tell my son I’m stepping out for a minute.” Tammi disappeared quickly behind a wall and not noticing Daniel Dawsey still watching her every move all the while a little tipsy off the beers and not giving a thought about his wife. He realized he was easily attracted to this woman, while she had done nothing to seduce him. Where did she come from? He saw no family photos on the walls he could see in the kitchen, just snapshots of her and her son posted on the refrigerator door. He couldn’t understand why she was alone. If it were up to him, she would never be.

“Your father has as a lovely home.”

“Thank you, my wife did the decorating and he happily signed the checks. Will you wait right here while I go and get him?”

Tammi nodded but silently grunted as he walked away leaving her in the huge marble foyer longing to be someone’s wife.

“Dad, are you sleeping?” Daniel knocked lightly on the bedroom door but turned the knob without really waiting for a reply.

Mr. Dawsey was not in front of the bed watching TV as Daniel had assumed. He walked quickly to his Dad’s bathroom, started to knock but decided to go ahead and try the door. He turned the knob and pushed the door opened but something was blocking the door, it would only open a little.

“Dad, are you okay?” Daniel stuck his head through the small space and could then see his father’s wheelchair over on its side. He pushed the door harder to get it out of the way and soon there was water surrounding his feet.

Mr. Dawsey was still in the bathtub, with the water still running and his limp naked arm hanging over the side of the stainless steel.

“NO! DAD, NO!” Daniel moved as fast as he could to get to his father. He turned off the water but it was too late. Mr. Dawsey’s body was blue and freezing cold and Daniel felt no pulse. There was nothing he could do and he knew it. “Daddy I am so sorry I failed you.” Daniel began to cry as he picked up his father’s wet, naked body and carried him to the bed.

Tammi noticed the dazed look on Daniel’s face when he returned to her without his father. “Daniel, what’s wrong? Is Mr. Dawsey asleep, I can come back tomorrow if this is a bad time?” she said noticing his clothes were now soaked with water.

“No Tammi, it’s not that,” Daniel hung his head low. He saw her own eyes follow his but he could not allow them to see his cry. She was too beautiful. “My Father, Tammi he’s gone, he’s dead.”

“Oh my God, Daniel,” Tammi grabbed her chest with her left hand and her mouth with her right, “what happened, I mean don’t tell me. Are you okay, oh my goodness, do you need anything, and I gave you beer, oh my God, this is so crazy.” Tammi knew she was losing it but she couldn’t help it, she wanted to grab Daniel and wrap him in her arms and never let him go, but she also wanted to drop to her knees and cry like a baby.

She thought of Mr. Dawsey and his wheelchair and him being alone in his big house. She was never going to be able to tell him that it never bothered her that he watched her. Tammi’s tears slowly released themselves.

“Miss Brooks, I’m sorry, are you okay?” Daniel asked.

She nodded slowly even though she knew she was not okay. “Are you?” She asked avoiding his eyes. She didn’t want him to see the tears she couldn’t explain.

“I'll try to be, he left this for you.”

She looked up to see a pink envelope facing her. She took it from Daniel’s trembling hand. Her name never looked to pretty in ink. “If you will excuse me Daniel, I have to get back to my son.” She lowered her head again.

“Yes of course, it was really nice meeting you today. And thanks so much for the offer and your hospitality.” Daniel sniffed back more tears and extended his hand.

“Oh you’re welcomed. I am very sorry about your father.” Tammi shook his hand with her right hand and held the letter tight in her left hand; and for one instant she felt a connection.

Standing outside Mr. Dawsey’s house, she could see her own house across the street. How small it was compared to the others in their quiet neighborhood.

She looked up at her bedroom window and thought about Mr. Dawsey seeing her, with Manning spending their lives together.

Tammi ran home, passing Manning and his videogame, running straight to her bedroom and slamming the door behind her. She sat down on the bed and opened the letter as the tears continued to fall.

My Darling Miss Brooks,

I have been watching you for the past 12 yrs and I don’t mean to startle you with this news but you and your son have been my window to the world. Seeing you, always reminded me of the family and love I once possessed.

I do want to apologize. I’ve sort of taken on the role of watching over the two of you. I’ve often dreamed of protecting you from the pain that brought you to this solemn place so long ago.

After my accident I lost everything it seems but my sight, and with this sight I’ve gained a vision of you. Your effortless beauty & your love for your son. He adores you Miss Brooks, as do I. I’m sorry if I’ve caused you or your son any undue stress; that was never my intention.

I’m also sorry that my only chance of telling you this has come at my demise. But you Miss Brooks shouldn’t be afraid or sad, for your life has brought me great Joy. And for that I am eternally grateful.

Sincerely Yours,

Raymond L. Dawsey

Tammi paid no attention to Manning banging on her door yelling, “Mom, Old Man Dawsey just died! Mom did you hear me?”

Tammi refused to join in on the commotion of his death. Tammi just lay there and rested her head on her pillow and soon she was asleep with tears still in her eyes, the letter still in her hand and Mr. Dawsey now in her heart.

THE END