Meaning of attachment

“I want to go home father?” Cried a small boy sitting on the edge of a raft. Swinging his legs in the space beneath him and staring at his father who only had his sight straight ahead.

“Home… Do you know where home is son?” His father asked, being more distant from the world, his feelings, and those around him.

“No father, but you do!” The little boy replied.

“There is no home to return to Matthew.” His father answered his own question, while still unmoved by the world.

“What do you mean father? We just left there only a few minutes ago!” Young Matthew questioned, ever more concerned about what he had to say, worried about all the things he left behind.

Staring at the clear skies and vast space in front of him, it was already dusk, the best moment of his day. Everywhere was dark blue, the sky looked like a painting, orange in texture, and the sun had only begun to head to the other side of the planet. Clouds scattered overhead, and a few birds here and there. They created a magical scenery. There was nothing like it, nowhere, and he knew it, which is why he returned to the same spot every week. And for the first time, since arrival, not fully absorbing nature. He stretched out, leaned on his hands resting on the platform behind him, and calmly asked.

“What is a home?”Seeming less tensed up and less focused, yet still hasn’t gazed over to his son.

“Well, it’s where mom and Jane are. The place where we all live at and where I grew up at.” Matthew answered, intrigued by his father’s question. ‘Home is where we stay, isn’t it not?’ he asked himself again deep down without saying the words aloud.

“You do have a point Matthew, but I am going to object this one time… okay.’Matthew nodded to the gaze of his father stare as he turned to him before turning back and after a small pause he continued. ‘Home isn’t a place, it’s not a person, and it is defiantly not a thing. Home is where your heart belongs, in whom your heart resides or what it resides in. It could be anything that the world offers. To you right now, it’s the house I bought so we all could be together comfortably. When you grow up, it’ll change, so much, that you won’t even know it.” Matthew’s father ended and remained silent.

In thought, trying to figure out all the complex words he’s just listened to, Matthew finally asked. “So, what does that all mean!” Staring at his father with soft confused eyes, watching him as he laughed at the ignorance that comes with children.

After he stopped laughing, he then began saying, “In time, you will understand Matthew. The world is full of surprises and I want you to be ready for them. I don’t want you going out there as confused as you are now. Not the same way I did, I want you to be different, better even. Attachment is a really bad thing, especially when you can’t live your life because you’re so tied up in it, each time you try to take a step, you tumble back to the old idea of being attached to something. Now… I am not saying do not be attached to anything, rather you should. To everything, to the world, its surroundings, and most importantly, to the people who live in it. However, do not let it control you, or your actions. Don’t contemplate living a life you so desire because you are hooked on not leaving your childhood home or losing your favorite toy. Don’t cripple yourself for the sake of things that will give you up a second sooner you even begin to consider not leaving them…”

“But Dad,’ Matthew interrupted, “What if I don’t want to leave you, mom or Jane?”

“You’ll force every fiber in your body to muster the power to, even if it kills you, it will make you stronger in the end. And that is the very reason we are having this conversation. Look son, look at the sky. Do you see all those stars?”

“Yes father, I do.”

“Can you count them?”

“No, they’re way too many.”

“Good,’ his father smiled and exhaled a deep breath, ‘They represent the number of lives you could live, the number of places you can go, and the number of people you could meet. Doesn’t that sound exciting? Knowing there is so much more than what you already have. Maybe somewhere, right now, someone has made a toy that’s better than your favorite toy I made you keep in the car.”

His son looked at him then back to the sky, “Really… I would love to see a toy better than mine!”

He looked at little Matthew with love, and adoration filled in his lungs. Watching him look at the world the same way he once did, with desire and passion. The things he never had at that age, his son does now.

“Dad, What did it feel like when you decided to leave your home?”

Haven turned and gazed into the eyes of this young curious fellow. He looked deep into the existence of his son, what it took before he came into this world, his life before he even came into the picture.

“I never wanted to.’ He began and turned away in part shame, part pride, ‘I loved my father’s house so much I didn’t want to leave. I was still 27 when one day, I got home and grandpa stopped me at the door. And hey, remind me to call them later, okay bud.’ He looked at him again and turned away. ‘Like I said, He looked at me with a new face, something was straining him, something was on his mind. I didn’t even get through the doors yet when he halted me. He looked me down, shut the door behind him as he stood outside in the cold with me, underdress as usual. I could hear grandma crying inside, small slow mobs. Concerned, grandpa told me not to worry, that he will tell me, what he had told her. It took him a while before he managed to bring himself to say the words. Massive amount of force he excepted that day, I had never seen him do anything so strenuous before. He went on by saying, ‘son, you know I love you, and because I love you, I have to say… he paused for a moment before he kept on going. You can’t live here anymore. I believe you’re old enough to fend for yourself the same way I had when I was your age. I know it’s not an easy task, it is one you have to undergo!’ And that was it. I asked to grab my things from my room, he denied, saying grandma could not lay eyes on me again, it will kill her and ruin her. Because she was attached, you see. He instructed me to grab whatever she and he had packed beforehand in the garage. I never saw them again till a few years later. I called once in a while.”

After a brief pause, he didn’t add anything further but he did not answer his son’s question.

“So how did that feel like?” Matthew asked again, willing to hear more of his story.

“It was the worst feeling ever. I was alone, cold, and scared. At the time, I had dropped my girlfriend off at college. And don’t tell mom I told you that.’ He nodded, knowing that there are secrets that are to be kept between father and son. ‘I had nowhere to go to. I couldn’t live with her on campus and I had no relatives who lived close by. I found five grand in the little bag, seeing that, I couldn’t sleep in the garage as I had earlier planned. I was a mess for the best part of that time. It burnt leaving, knowing I will never again sleep in that house. Every step felt like I had strapped weights to my feet and the further I got, the heavier they became. It was like God had ripped out my heart and began playing with it…”

“Like Capital Davy Jones in Pirates of the Caribbean?” Matthew intruded.

“Yes, just like that. I was so attached, every place I lived didn’t feel right because I kept on comparing it to my father’s home and my parents. For so long I wanted the comfort of that place, it began to be the purpose of my being, and I became too attached to things, everything broke me when it was time to leave. This is why I do not want the same for you. Yes, my house is your home, for now, come one day, you’ll have to find your own home because this is mine. It could be anywhere, anything, or any person. Because your mom is also my home. But when you get out there son, remember to live your life without being too attached to everything, a lot more will come out of it that way.”

“Dad?”Matthew called out.

“Yes, son.” He replied.

“How come you were attached if your telling me not to?” He asked, finding himself in a bind.

“Matthew, I was young and did not know a lot about the nature of things, you are young too but know more than I did. I want you to not make the same mistakes I made, I want you to make better mistakes and live a better life. And it’s getting late, we should start heading back home before your mom has us for dinner.”His father suggested.

They walked back to the car, parked a dozen steps away. Matthew buckled up, and as his father stood for a while at the drivers door, watching the magic sky covered in glitter. Searching and thinking about the wonders of life before bending over into the car and driving away.