Love Will Make You Do Crazy Things

As we arrive into the season of the annual Oscars Awards, it’s hard not to be reminded of the shocking incident of last year which dominated the headlines. For anyone who was in hibernation, I am of course referring to Will Smith physically assaulting Chris Rock on stage at the Oscars.

I remember watching the video in utter disbelief at what I was seeing. Certain that it must have been some kind of stunt or joke that was missing its punchline.

I clicked on a few more videos to see Will go on to win an award and give an acceptance speech that indeed showed me what I had just witnessed was no joke. It had been serious. I was even more shocked to find many people strongly voicing support for Will. A scary amount actually. One woman said she wished for a husband to defend her in such a way.

It is this public reaction that prompted me to write this article. Will Smith’s words during his acceptance speech also repeated in my mind for a long time after seeing this;

“Love will make you do crazy things” he said.

No.

No it doesn’t.

Love did not charge Will with anger and shame in that moment prior to him assaulting Chris Rock. Love didn’t direct him out of his chair onto the stage. Love didn’t create the violence that came from him or the negative emotions he experienced.

Love is tender, vulnerable and soft. Love brings joy. Love uplifts, nurtures and supports. Love is many many things but it is never, EVER anger. It is never jealousy. It is never resentment or bitterness, arrogance or righteousness. Love brings people together. Love is connection, not separation. Love does not seek to punish or to harm. Love seeks to bring wisdom to the unwise. It can be known through words of teaching or the stillness of silence. Love brings light to the darkness.

Rage, however, can push us do crazy things.

Terrible things.

But not love.

As long as we can justify anger, we can justify violence. So long as we can justify violence, we can justify war. So long as we justify war there will never be peace or equality in the world.

The video of the pre-incident when Chris makes the joke shows Will laughing initially, as Jayda looks horrified. Upon realising his wife’s upset, It seems that he was flooded with shame (probably hers and his own) for laughing at the joke.

Instead of being able to show the vulnerable emotions associated with shame and hurt - Will masked these instantly with anger. This is a completely unconscious reaction. I say unconscious, because consciousness does not become angry when it witnesses an unconscious person acting inappropriately and/or hurtfuly.

What could have happened instead?

If the Smiths could have felt safe enough to show the vulnerable emotions they felt - there would have been no anger. Love would have moved Will to comfort his wife in that moment instead of leaving her side to assault Chris. Love would have motivated him to help Chris understand why his joke was so very inappropriate and harmful. Love would have forgiven Chris as he spoke.

This is of course speculation, but I strongly believe that Chris would have seen Jayda’s vulnerable reaction and become flooded with remorse. He has always otherwise come across as a kind man who does not intend to be hurtful.

If he was not remorseful? The public and media would have subsequently ensured it by shaming Chris. That kind of humour came across as bullying. A man shaming a woman in the most public way and picking on an area she is extremely vulnerable and sensitive about was cruel and distasteful.

I don’t believe he could have known this. I dont believe he would be so knowingly cruel. Regardless - what do we do when someone acts in such a way? We must teach them that behaviour is hurtful and very far from funny.

Violence is never required for that.

How can we teach our children not to be violent when this is the example being set for them?

If we can train dogs without using violence, surely we can do the same with human beings? We are in the year 2022 (at the time of this event), after all. We have a greater than ever understanding of psychology. We are living in the age of self awareness and healing generational trauma.

Anyone out there who is in support of Will’s actions - you must take a deep look at your reasons for this and why you cannot see a way beyond violence. Even Will is ashamed of his actions so how can anyone else be in support?

We can all empathise with his pain, of course. We can all empathise with his wife’s pain. However, neither of these mean we should condone a violent reaction. Ever.