Liar, Liar

When people lie they do it for a reason. Obviously. And that reason? I don’t know. All I know right now is that the woman sitting in front of me is a liar. She is not qualified to do her job. I could report her but what good would that do without solid evidence? Also, I don’t want to be the one responsible for the department manager suffering from a heart attack. I can just picture the inquest into the COD (cause of death) - "Did someone give him a terrible shock?" No, I am not going down that route.

"Now, where were we?" Sheila asks as she spins her chair round to face me. She’s been in accounts a whole month but, judging by the questions she asks, she still hasn’t got a clue.

"I think we’d finished that conversation," I reply.

"No we hadn’t."

I ignore her and start tapping furiously on the keyboard so she’ll know I do not want to be disturbed. The woman asks the oddest questions. If she asks another question I’ll… Never mind! But seriously how would I know why the accountant does “this” or “that?” He’s a numbers guy!

Thankfully the universe has a way to get one out of sticky situations. The team is summoned into a meeting by the department manager.

"All Friday remote working authorisations have been revoked with immediate effect," he announces.

The company allows staff to work from home on any day of their choosing. It’s ideal when you’re expecting a delivery or have a medical appointment during working hours. It saves you using your annual leave days too.

I notice that Sheila has gone pale. She stumbles out of the room with one hand over her mouth and the other clutching her stomach.

Unphased the manager continues. "The company has decided to make Fridays social days so dress casually. We will work in the morning and barbeque in the afternoon in the Director’s own backyard!"

Friday dawns sunny and cloudless. A gentle breeze is blowing. Most people are barely recognisable in their summer clothes. At noon we all pile into different cars and head for an afternoon of fun, food and games.

Sheila is nowhere to be seen. Apparently she called in sick this morning. I am not surprised as she really looked unwell at the meeting.

We’re all admiring the beautiful house, garden with a pool, enjoying the food and don’t notice that the sky has suddenly turned an ominous grey. The ensuing storm takes us all by surprise and we dash into the house for shelter.

Can a surprise be described in words such as minor or major? I ask because a major surprise is waiting for us inside the house. No joke.

But let me backtrack a little. Did I mention that we all thought we were underpaid? Well, the director awards each worker a performance bonus equivalent to 10% of their annual income. I hadn’t seen that one coming! Not in a million years.

Every worker, that is, except for one. The accountant. I watch him shifting from one leg to the other a look of confusion plastered on his face. I don’t like him much but I feel sorry for him. Sighs of relief go up on his behalf when the director finally turns to him.

"Now for the real star who is the real reason for the gathering. Words fail me at this point so I’ll let my wife do the honours."

A stunning dark haired woman appears from a side door next to where I am standing. The accountant gasps as the blood drains from his face. His mouth opens and closes but no sound comes out. I watch as my co-workers' hands fly to their mouths.

I feel as if I’ve missed a trick. They’re all in on the joke except me. I take a second look at the Director’s wife. There’s something familiar about her but I can’t quite put my finger on it.

A sound escapes from my mouth but it sounds like it is coming from somewhere else.

"Sheila?" I croak.

She smiles. Yes. It’s Sheila. She moves to the middle of the room and faces us.

"I have been working undercover for the last month. Huge sums of money have been disappearing from the company but we have never been able to catch the culprit. Until now."

As the accountant is led away in handcuffs by the police I find myself faced with the age old dilemma. When is lying a good thing because I still don’t know.