Isn't He A Little Old to be Called Your Boyfriend?

What do you call someone you are dating who is not exactly “a boy” anymore? As we get older, the “boys” become men in all other important aspects of their lives, so shouldn’t there be a new more mature “title” for people we date after we leave our twenties?

When I was in elementary school and a little boy would come over to my house to play with me, I had a play date.

In high school, I had a boyfriend and in my late 20s, I had a husband.

In my early 30s… I had an ex-husband.

Then I got involved with a rock star and for 11 years, I had an ol’ man.

Then I had a fiancé… who had been my high school sweetheart… then a few years later… I had an ex-jerk.

So, now in my 50s, and unmarried, what do I call the man I am involved with now?

At my age… Boyfriend just sounds too high school.

Someone suggested I call him my mate. Well, that might work for Tarzan and Jane, but it doesn’t work for me.

Another suggestion was… man-friend—which sounds too, well, old and too creepy.

Expressions like “my sweetheart, my darling, my wonderful one” all sound like words in a sappy Hallmark card. I might as well introduce him as “this is my little snookums” which might have been appropriate for the 1920s but definitely not for 2020.

When it comes to describing the adult significant other, the Europeans are more sophisticated. A French friend of mine says that titles are unnecessary for adult companions. It is assumed you are a couple when you are seen together frequently.

Another cool expression for couples comes from Jamaica. They call women my lady and men, sir, but it doesn’t end there. The people on this beautiful island totally simplify things romantically by referring to their loves as “my man or my woman.”

Male and female companions are called by these terms because it is assumed not everyone is married. The custom makes it less likely for anyone to make a potentially embarrassing mistake about your relationship. It may sound a little possessive, but it’s very practical all the same. I think I like it!

However, in America, we assign titles to those in a relationship, and choosing a title for someone we are dating is difficult. Why do we need titles anyway? I guess it makes things easier for us, we need to label everything, and everything must have its place and its title. Much like a Tubberware cupboard in your kitchen.

A man I was involved with had this conversation with me a few months ago, and it got into his brain as to what to call me. He was suddenly confused. He had been calling me his girlfriend for years and after our conversation, it caused him to pause. It seems there is a double standard that a man can call a woman his girlfriend no matter his age but for a woman, the boyfriend label seems to expire right out of your teens and she ends up sounding like a cougar.

After we spoke, he went to a department store to purchase a birthday present for me. The salesclerk was wearing a beautiful vintage style ring. She wasn’t very friendly but knowing I would have loved the ring, he told her his “girlfriend” loves that style of jewelry.

Catching himself though, he said, “I mean… my partner would totally love that ring!”

Suddenly, her demeanor changed, and thinking she was hearing a man confess his love for his “partner” she said, “Oh that is so sweet, I’m sure he would just love it! You are so cute!”

As Jerry Seinfeld says, “That’s okay if that’s who you are…”

But... he never referred to me as his partner again.

So, just for fun, I was thinking about some titles I could use to refer to him.

I could say…

This is my…

Beau

The Good: It’s old-fashioned romance at its best.

The Bad: Other than the fact you sound like old Aunt Agnes, not much.

Boo

The Good: You sound hip, and it lets people know you listen to hip-hop and R&B.

The Bad: Those who are not as cool as you may think you are trick-or-treating.

Boytoy

The Good: It makes you sound young and hip and like you are using him for sex.

The Bad: I think only Madonna can get away with it.

My beloved

The Good: Romantic and sweet.

The Bad: Only belongs in love letters between legendary poets and spouses Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Browning.

Lover

The Good: It’s sophisticated, it leaves nothing to the imagination, and can we say oh so sexy?

The Bad: I’ve got four words for you: “Grandma, meet my lover…”

Life Hostage

The Good: No need to cling to him at parties; you’ve staked your claim.

The Bad: A little on the possessive side and makes you sound like a stalker.

Flame

The Good: Hot, sexy, and kinda savage.

The Bad: Conjures up visions of gold chains, a bad perm, polyester, and the 1970s.

My steady

The Good: We are exclusive.

The Bad: I am dating Fonzie.

Companion

The Good: Wherever you go, he goes, and he’s happy to be along for the ride. The Bad: You know who makes a good companion? Your dog.

So, I think for me, a French woman, I like the French way of introducing your man.

Say his name, smile mysteriously, and let everyone think whatever they want.

♥