I, Reject

Let us take a trip back in time to 1998, the year of Fat Boy Slim’s The Rockafella Skank, Adam Sandler’s The Waterboy and arguably the greatest FIFA game of all time. It was also the year that saw the debut of one of my most cherished childhood TV shows, it is hard to believe how much time has passed since then.

Renford Rejects was a British produced, football focussed kids show that first hit our screens in February 1998 on satellite television channel, Nickelodeon. A perfectly timed release to coincide with the hype and build up for the World Cup taking place that summer.

Whilst terrestrial television was known as the home of British children’s shows, satellite focussed more on the very latest imports from across the pond. Nickelodeon was most well-known for its cartoons such as Rugrats, Hey Arnold and Doug, as well as live action shows such as Kenan and Kel, Sister Sister and The Secret World of Alex Mack. However, these were all American productions, making Renford Rejects quite a unique find on a satellite TV station.

The show was centred around a group of young teens who all failed to be selected for their school football team. Instead of giving up, these kids decided to form their very own club in an attempt to prove their doubters wrong. Originally known as Renford Rovers, their entry ballot to the league was cruelly sabotaged and they were henceforth known as the Renford Rejects, a name they eventually embraced.

Each member of the Rejects had a unique personality — Jason was the loudmouth; Ben was the stoic bespectacled goalkeeper often wearing shirts embossed with philosophical quotes, and Bruno had his head in the clouds; thinking he was an Italian superstar. There was Ronnie, who was more concerned with his appearance than his performance on the pitch; Robin, the real standout talent with a point to prove and finally Stewart, the maverick player side-lined through injury and forced into management. Oh, and not forgetting Vinny, the Rejects official reporter, a character who was creating his own recorded content well before YouTube even existed.

The show had its fair share of special guests from the footballing world, managing to score cameos from the likes of 1966 World Cup heroes Geoff Hurst and Gordon Banks, alongside Gianfranco Zola, Roberto Di Matteo and Martin Keown. Yet, one of the most memorable aspects of the show was its killer soundtrack which features some real bangers, further helping to cement the Renford Rejects as a time capsule of late nineties. The show’s main theme was Australia by The Manic Street Preachers which is so ingrained in my brain that I can’t think of the band without being reminded of this TV show. It also featured a version of Clubbed to Death by Rob Dougan and one of my personal favourites from that era, Ready to Go by Republica.

I started to re-watch the show during the first lockdown of the pandemic and was a little nervous that my flair for nostalgia meant I was overestimating its influence. However, I am happy to report (for the most part) that the show has stood the test of time. The jokes still hit, and it was full of heartfelt messages. It was like looking back on my childhood and those friends you have at that age, many of which you’ve lost touch with over the years.

Much of the subtext was lost on me as a kid, yet I spotted several nods to deeper meanings upon re-watching as an adult. Whilst being a children’s show, I thoroughly believe it was beyond its time when tackling subjects such as sexism, money troubles and being an outsider. Something that I really picked up on when revisiting the show.

Robin, despite her obvious skill, was rejected by the school team on a technicality (she was female). Despite initial resistance from the boys, she became the Renford Rejects’ greatest asset. Her story arc was a great piece of inclusivity which I am sure inspired many young girls and also challenged the existing views of young boys. I distinctly remember being heartbroken when Robin left the show in series two but at least the writers gave her a proper send-off and some closure to her character, more than I can say for most cast departures from other shows of that era.

For example, Jenny from the first series of Nickelodeon’s Sabrina the Teenage Witch; she was the protagonist’s best friend that simply disappeared without a single mention. I found it an insult to the audience that the writers thought they could get away with it purely because it was a children’s show. Renford Rejects, despite its cartoonish aspect at least had the decency to understand its audience and did a better job of moving its players on than the likes of many adult dramas.

Renford Rejects seemed to hit the nail on the head when it came to portraying that childhood love of football. The show was almost cartoonish in its delivery, which when looking back can be seen as a representation of childhood imagination. One of jumpers magically turning into goalposts, goofing off on the pitch and celebrating to a non-existent crowd as you pretend that they chant your name. It was a show that was obviously written with a lot of love and seemingly fond memories of the writers’ own youth, contributing to its authenticity. Watching the Rejects was just like having a kick about with your mates, from the banter and pranks to practicing your goal celebrations.

“Rejects, that’s what he called us…and that’s what we are”

I connected with the Rejects themselves because to put it bluntly, I was one. I never made the school team and in all honestly wasn’t a particularly good footballer, yet I attempted to make up for that with a huge passion for the sport.

Another one of the many reasons that I connected so much with this show was because I could see a little part of myself in almost all of the characters. I had the cockiness and build of Jason; adored Italian football like Bruno; always had my nose in a book like Ben. I spent far too much time on my hair like Ronnie Supra and I was club manager for my own five-a-side team just like Stewart. I even used to commentate out loud whilst playing the game myself a-la Vinnie Rodrigues. The only thing I lacked was Robin Walker’s talent.

My childhood was defined by football and alongside my friends I’d play almost every single day. When I wasn’t physically kicking a ball around, I’d be busy tearing open packets of Premier League stickers, sat on Sensible Soccer or reading Match magazine. When looking back, those are some of the fondest memories I have of my formative years and that’s part of the reason I love Renford Rejects.

My friends and I formed our own five-a-side club and played every Saturday morning; our team was named the Wetherby Wonders after the estate we all grew up on and I was appointed as player/manager just like Stewart from the Rejects. I’d love to say I was given this position due of my tactical prowess, but the truth is that I was the only one who could be bothered to organise and arrange lifts.

My team shared a lot in common with our Nickelodeon counterparts because we weren’t particularly that good, we too were the underdogs and what we lacked in skill, we made up for determination. I didn’t pick players to win but chose them because they were my friends and I just enjoyed playing alongside them. Our greatest moment of glory came when we lifted the under-13 league trophy which I still own to this day, what I don’t often tell many people is that we won most of the games that season by default as half the other teams never showed up.

The 1990’s were an age long before camera phones, so sadly I have no video footage of my childhood footballing years. However, I actually found re-watching old Renford Rejects episodes to be the next best thing. I found a real comfort in rediscovering the show as they captured perfectly what it is to be a kid who’s in love with the beautiful game and just knocking about with your friends, during those pivotal years before life starts to get complicated.

The show spoke to the underdog, the try-hards and all those often picked last. It was a tale of not giving up and more importantly, of those childhood friendships. I think a line from the iconic film Stand By Me defines those years best:

“I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was 12. Jesus, does anyone?”

Renford Rejects, was (and still is) a quintessentially British children’s show and one that I will always cherish. It now stands as a time capsule, a window into the youth of many kids who like me grew up in 90’s Britain, wearing baggy football shirts, buying ten Freddo's for a quid and doing the rounds knocking on front doors to get your mates out for the morning kick about….where has the time gone?

If you fancy delving deeper into the Renford Rejects nostalgia pit, then check out the Renford Rejects Podcast. Join Matthew Leitch (Player/Manager Stewart) and Tom Weller (Razor’s captain Terry Stoker) with a whole host of special guests as they revisit the show on an episode-by-episode basis.