How to Make A Long-Distance Relationship Work

Long distance relationships suck. But, you can make one work if you really want it to. You will most likely hear the majority of people tell you, "it won't last" or "it'll never work." But, I promise you that if you really love one another, and are willing to put in the work, you can make it last.

Long-distance can be challenging whether it's a few hours away, or a whole country away. Unfortunately, in my case, it's a whole country away. Nonetheless, the same "rules" apply. As someone who has been in a long-distance relationship for a while now, I'd like to share some tips and what we do to make it work.

Communication

Not, to sound cliche, but communication is key. Whether you're in a long-distance relationship or not, communication is one of the most important things in a relationship. But especially if you're trying to do long-distance. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to hand you a very large pill that might be hard to swallow. No one is ever too busy to send a simple text.

As I said earlier, Nick and I are a whole country away from each other. A whole 13-14 hour time zone difference. When he's sleeping I'm awake, and when I'm sleeping, he's awake. So, we don't get to have super long conversations, but we still talk every single day. Usually in the mornings, and right before going to sleep. Not to mention, he also works 12 hour days. So, no, no one is ever too busy to talk to you.

I think it's important to talk about rules and boundaries before the long-distance starts. I'll be honest, we didn't really talk about rules and boundaries before he left, we just kinda had this unspoken understanding. However, I really encourage you to have that conversation.

Trust

Another cliche, but its true, you gotta trust your partner. If you already struggle with trusting your partner before starting long-distance, then that should be a sure sign that long-distance will not work for you. Sure, it's possible to make the relationship last without trust, but you will be miserable the whole time. The constant worrying about where they are, what they're doing, and who they're with will make you go crazy. It's not healthy for you and it's not healthy for the relationship.

Being with Nick has made me realize just how bad all of my past relationships were. I always thought I just had trust issues. But then I met Nick and realized I didn't have trust issues, they just never gave me a reason to trust them. Long-distance never would have worked with them.

Circling back to communication, you can't have trust without communication. You have to communicate about any concerns you may have. You may fully trust your partner, but no one is perfect. You may have insecure moments, and that's okay. But, you can't let it eat at you for a long time. Talk about it, and work it out. Your partner should be there to reassure you, not tear you down. Always remember that.

Visit

When you're in a long-distance relationship I think it's important to find the time and the money to visit each other. When you're only a few hours or a few states away, weekend visits should be pretty easy to do. When you're in the States and your partner is in Japan, that can make things more complicated. When you're no longer driving distance from each other that can definitely make it a lot harder, and more expensive.

What Nick and I do is definitely unique. It's not something everyone should do or even can do. After living on my own for almost four years, I decided to move back in with my parents, so I could save money. I haven't actually started a career yet, so nothing was tying me down here. Being able to stay in Japan for up to 90 days, we decided I could come to visit for 90 days, then do home for 90 days, and so on. However, I still need money while I'm in Japan because I still have bills to pay. I found that I could teach English online. You can find more information about teaching online here if you're in a unique situation like me, and this interests you.

Respect

You have to respect each other! Everything always circles back to communication. If you want a quick text telling you they won't be able to talk much that day they should respect your desires. If there are any concerns you both need to respect those concerns and communicate in a respectful way to solve it. Being in a long-distance relationship it's so easy to just hang up the phone or ignore the text message. But if you can respect each other and problem-solve together it's going to be one rocky road ahead.

If you don't have good communication, trust, and respect before long-distance, I'm telling you now that long-distance will not work for your relationship. Long-distance really does suck, but you can make it work and be happy. And when you are able to visit each other, make the most of each visit. Another cliche but, absence makes the heart grow fonder.