Relationships are getting more toxic by the day.
We have normalized abuse so badly that we become complacent when someone calls us “stupid.”
We don’t bat an eye when our personal space is infringed. We think we owe our lives to our partners. We become responsible for their happiness.
We do everything they want even if those things hurt us. We allow them to demand anything they want from us and we don’t “say no”… ever.
They walk on our boundaries and accuse us of being “unrealistic,” for expecting to be treated with respect and compassion.
Did they show up at your house unannounced? That’s no problem. You are expected to open your door and treat them like special guests.
Do they want sex but you don’t? Your mood doesn’t count. Give them sex and be happy doing it.
Is it wrong to ask your partner what their plans are for the relationship? Is it wrong to ask what time they will be home for dinner? Why do they forbid you from having friends?
He says you are brainless. He will leave you for another chic he introduced to you as a confidant. You should be happy you are getting replaced. I mean he has the decency to inform you beforehand. Right!
He said, “you are a fool” for asking if he has marriage plans after 5 years in the relationship. And you apologized for upsetting him.
Then he tells you to go “fuck yourself.” Your apologies mean nothing. He will decide if he wants to remain in the relationship or not because you dared to question him.
You think he is being dramatic, but he isn’t. He is telling you how toxic he is but you are not listening.
Abuse is not normal!
If you notice your partner makes you feel unworthy and undeserving of their time and attention, it is time you quit the ship.
Do not wait till you reach breaking point because sometimes, you lose your life before it happens.
Signs you are being abused in a relationship
There is no perfect chart that can tell you if your partner is abusive or a perfect description of what an abuser might look like.
Abuser comes in all shapes, sizes, and colors. It usually starts small, maybe even undetectable, and can move up and down the spectrum.
However, you can tell when someone is abusing you from the way you feel. If your feelings leave you questioning their character and intention for you, that is one sign you cannot ignore.
So pay attention to these signs carefully and compare them to how you truly feel around your partner.
You don’t feel appreciated
Being around a toxic person is such a drag. No matter what you do, they will always find a way to discredit you.
Does your partner talk or chat on his phone when you’re having a conversation?
Does he make spontaneous plans too often leaving you wondering where he is? Does he insult you in front of friends? Then he doesn’t appreciate your worth.
You need to spend time with someone who affirms you, celebrates who you are, and heightens your self-confidence.
Spend time with the people who truly respect and love you for who you are.
They make you unhappy
Some people give us anxiety whenever they are around us. No matter how much we avoid them, they just don’t go away.
If you are living with a partner who is constantly gaslighting, lying, cheating, and victim-blaming you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship, then you are dealing with a psychopathic personality.
It’s not normal for someone to love you and still watch you drown in pain and misery.
If your heart does not light up when you hear their voice, or you can’t look them in the eye and tell them how much you love them, then there is a chance you are not happy in the relationship.
You’ve grown distant from your friends
Jealousy can be a sign of love. But it can also be a sign of abuse. When your partner’s insecurity makes them restrict your freedom, then that is not love.
At first, he said, one of your friends doesn’t like him. He’s worried she might poison your mind against him. So you cut ties with that friend.
Then he says your other friends may have an interest in him. He doesn’t want to cheat on you, but if these friends continue to show up around you, he may not control himself.
You don’t want to lose him. You started making excuses when your friends invite you out.
It’s not normal for someone to hold you responsible for their actions. You are being manipulated and it won’t end with cutting your friends off. Leave now before you regret never leaving early.
You feel like you deserve the abuse
It’s devastating to realize that a person you once trusted would manipulate, control or harm you, not once, but over and over again.
And what’s surprising is that you think you are to blame for their temper.
Is your partner tearing you down when you’re visibly happy? Are the insults starting to feel familiar?
Then why blame yourself for something you have no control over? Their bad attitude is not your burden to bear.
If you find yourself always apologizing when you have a fight, or they explicitly make you feel guilty for a violent attack on you, then it’s obvious you are being abused.
Do not mistake abuse for love, or else it will come back to bite you in the ass.
You get jumpy at any slightest sound
Couples can disagree sometimes. But there is a problem if every disagreement escalates to physical.
I once dated someone whose voice could wake the dead. I was never comfortable around him.
Whenever he visited, I will hide or just nod at everything he says because I was frightened that even the sound of my feet might trigger him.
Thankfully, I returned to my State before he could turn me into his punching bag.
If the presence of your partners sends shivers down your body and leaves you searching for an excuse to keep them at bay, then it’s not normal. You should leave the relationship while you still can.
Jessey Anthony is a motivational speaker, fitness coach and relationship expert who helps people become confident in themselves in any challenges they face in life. Sign up to my newsletter & more cool stuff.
This article was published here.