How to create a black heart:

Do you ever go numb? Like you want to feel something, but no matter how much you try you feel nothing? This happens to me often. Sometimes it's like I am ready to burst from inside my spirit and incinerate everything around me.

If you're like me, then you are normally a very empathetic person, BUT YOU MET A PERSONALITY DISORDERED INDIVIDUAL! You could've met them at school, work, or even have been groomed and raised by them. They showered you with love or attention, got into your head, diminished you, gas-lighted you, and smeared your name and reputation through the dirt.

Now they have turned the tables on you. No one will believe you or they will even continue to spread the gossip even if they know it's false. You feel enraged and insane all at once. They are so charming that they now have an army of people to help destroy you. There are times when no one ever believes that this person could do something like that, because of the fake nice persona they display in public. Behind closed doors, they show you the monster.

They plot plan or backstab just to uproot your life and drain you of the positivity in your life like a vampire. THEY ISOLATE AND TRY TO BREAK YOU DOWN. This kind of betrayal is great at creating trauma or dissociation especially if it is a family member. Constant negative verbal comments, toxic comparisons, or using the entire cult they created to stalk and demonize you.

Sometimes, you get away if they haven't financially castrated you. Nine times out of ten, they are indirectly or directly behind, missed appointments, bad job interviews or instability. Some go as far as to mess up your credit, have you blackballed, or worst case try to get you harmed/killed.

Sometimes, you get purposefully put in terrible situations, so they can look like your 'savior'. They want to control you, but they don't like you. This is a false sense of security tactic for you. They are the flame, you are the moth. They are hoping their crumbs of effort will be enough because of the love and respect starved training they gave you.

Sometimes, you might become angry and distrustful or the worst happens. When you're angry and distrustful, it's easy to be the lone wolf. Easy to push everyone away because their insidious behavior. It becomes hard to let your guard down. If you allow the worst to happen, your heart turns black and now you're just like them. You don't feel, you don't care, and you barely have remorse left in you. It's all about you now. Your morals get a little more hazy. You justify your shitty behavior for the shitty behavior of the few.

So next time you get the urge to take advantage of or dismiss a person because they are a 'kind hearted sucker' just don't. The actions you take could awaken decades of repressed rage or you might just create a black hearted monster.