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How To Be More Confident

Even if your self esteem feels low right now...

By Heart Centered UniversePublished 10 months ago 8 min read

There is a serious epidemic going around of people doubting themselves. The old adage "fake it until you make it" just doesn't quite cut it anymore. You can only feign confidence for a certain amount of time. Eventually, the mask will slip, and you'll be exposed. And nothing will make you feel worse than your secret being revealed!

That said, there are things you can do consistently that will help you improve your self esteem and you'll naturally become more confident. I'm not claiming to be perfect; I have my moments of self doubt like everyone else. But I know if I keep doing certain things to cultivate my self worth, I'll eventually have the outcome of success I desire.

First, let me start by saying that you cannot base your self worth on any external source. If your whole confident persona comes from how much money you have, who your partner is, how popular you are, who you know, what your social status is, or even what you look like, you're dangerously building your self worth on a faulty foundation. If one day you suddenly get fired from your job or get dumped by your partner, your external source that boosts you up is gone, in a flash. This can lead to a downward spiral if you're not careful. So, start by owning yourself and taking responsibility for your own life.

No matter how worthess you feel right now, you have to know that you are lovable, just the way you are. You don't need to do anything or be anybody, other than yourself, to deserve that love. Maybe you've made some mistaskes, but haven't we all made mistakes? Forgive yourself right now, for all the mistakes you've made and for accepting less than you deserve. Forgive yourself in order to wipe the slate clean and start over.

To improve your confidence, after you have forgiven yourself, you need to own up and take full responsibility for your life. You are where you are in life right now because of the choices you've made, the thoughts that you think, the words that you've used, and the actions you've taken. Period. End of discussion. There is no one else to blame but yourself for your unhappiness or misery or for where you are right now in your life.

Look, we've all had crappy things happen to us. We've all had our hearts broken. We've all been lied to, manipulated and deceived. Every single one of us has had some gross injustice done to us at some point in our lives. But constantly putting the blame on something outside of yourself will not help you. Being in victim mode is disempowering, and the only thing it will do is leave you bitter and angry. Remember the old adage: "Anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die".

To own up and take responsibility for your life means you need to admit to yourself that you chose to bring that person into your life that broke your heart. You chose to stay in a friendship or relationship with someone that tore you down and tried to make you feel "less than" in order to make themselves feel better. You chose to take that action that led you down a path that you did not want to be on. Own it! Of course, maybe what someone else did to you was abusive, offense and just downright nasty. But if you don't stay in victim mentality and take responsibility for your part in it, you empower yourself! By reclaiming your power, you will enable yourself to effectively make some much desired changes in your life. Now you're one step closer to being the confident person you desire to be.

Self discipline is the key to self mastery, and being more disciplined will lead to a sense of accomplishment in yourself, which leads to a higher sense of self worth. It doesn't have to be something extreme either. I get a sense of accomplishment if I make it to the gym and check off a few things on my to-do list. I feel a tremendous sense of achievement if I make it through my entire work week without having any wine at night, no matter how stressful my job was. It doesn't have to be some huge accomplishment either. It can be something simple, like the fact that you drank enough water that day, or meditated for ten minutes. Even the smallest thing, like asking someone for forgiveness for something you said or did will give you a huge feeling of triumph and victory and relief from the guilt. It doesn't matter what the other person's reaction is to your apology, you have no control over that. But you can feel good because you know in your heart that you did the right thing.

Start small, and keep a journal to track your progress. At the end of each day, write down something you did that day that you should be feeling good about. For example, so far today I have: apologized and asked for forgiveness from a colleague for being insensitive and using too harsh words, sent a loving and supportive text to a friend who recently lost a loved one, and (almost) finished this blog post. And it's not even noon yet! By writing these accomplishments down, no matter how small, you will be able to track your progress. Writing it down will also encourage you to do even more things that you can be proud of, because you'll find that you can't wait to write it down at the end of the day! I look at my journal as a "best friend" I can tell anything to, she never judges me. Trust me, everyone can think of at least one good thing they did that day that they can be proud of.

Next, start by setting goals, and take some action everyday towards accomplishing that goal. Set one big overall goal for your life, and then decide on a bunch of smaller, and easier to achieve goals, that will help you work towards accomplishing that big thing. If you don't set the "smaller" goals, then your overall goal might seem too insurmountable and you might be tempted to give up. Don't give up! I recently finished writing and published my memoir, a goal that I have wanted to achieve for years! Yay me! I had to have a tremendous amount of self discipline in order to finally finish it. I had to sacrifice a lot to get there. But I realized that what I was sacrificing was mostly frivolity, like bar hopping with friends. But it was totally worth it! I'm patting myself on the back right now. By the way, I'm totally free this weekend if anyone wants to hit up happy hour.

Don't fall into the trap of not even trying to accomplish your goals because you're afraid that you might fail. Disclaimer: you will fail, at first. You might make a fool of yourself. The most successful winners in life have failed over and over again, and they've learned now what doesn't work. But they keep going. They may have been mocked and scorned by everyone around them, but they truly believe in their vision and won't budge. And you might get discouraged if you share your vision with others because they probably won't understand it. So stop telling people your goals and visions, show them instead.

You don't need anyone else's permission to do what you want to do in life. These people are not walking around in your shoes, so why would you give them any power over your decisions? I don't care if they're family or someone you've known your entire life-their opinions should not matter to you. They may tell you that they're "only trying to help you", but the truth is, they're really projecting their own fears and insecurities onto you. Don't fall for that! Thank them for their opinion, and then go do whatever the fuck you were going to do anyway. You are the only one living your life, so follow your own inner guidance and leave the chatter of the crowd behind. It will only hold you back.

"First they ignore you. Then they ridicule you. And then they attack you and want to burn you. And then they build monuments to you." -Nicolas Klein

"You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with." -Jim Rohn

Who you chose to suuround yourself with, those in your inner circle, is the key to confidence and success. Surround yourself with others that you can look up to and are inspiring. Chose friends that are confident and that aren't afraid to be themselves. Nothing is worse than living in a prison of fear of what others think, and being around authentic people can inspire you to be yourself as well. Ask someone who's accomplished something you'd like to achieve to mentor you. Most people will be happy to share their advice on how they overcame their adversities in life.

Never be around people, not even for one second, that are emotionally abusive. Anyone that is controlling, doesn't respect your boundaries, guilt trips you if they're not getting their way, or threatens to use private information about you against you, is abusive. It can be subtle, like making a "joke" that belittles you or gaslighting you (making you question the validity of your own thoughts). Once you see the manipulative behavior of a certain person, you can't unsee it. The only thing you can do is put distance between them and you. This abusive person in your life might actually be the cause of your insecurities and lack of confidence, if you have suffered long time abuse. Let that sink in...

You've got to learn how to set better boundaries with people. You can say no, the world will not collapse if you do. You can bail out of something you don't feel comfortable doing, even if the other person gets angry about it. Their emotions and reactions isn't something you have any control over. Never stay in a situation or hang around people that tear you down instead of lifting you up! Avoid people that gossip, it's a low vibratory activity. Don't forget-the second you leave, they'll be gossiping about you. I'm not saying you should be around people that blow smoke up your ass and just tell you what you want to hear, that won't help you either. If they're a "fan", then they shouldn't be a "friend". Know the difference.



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About the Creator

Heart Centered Universe

Author of Transcendence A Memoir, SAG Actress, and Real Estate Agent based in Miami Beach, FL. My blog is about what I feel called to share with the world🌍 Be Happy and VIBE HIGH! ⭐️❤️

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