How COVID Helped Me Love My Body

COVID changed just about everything last year. I consider myself lucky to have my health, but the pandemic changed the landscape of my body in a way that I struggled to come to terms with for a long time.

My new pandemic love pounds (as I call them) were hard to love. I’ve always been blessed with decent genes and a love for group aerobics. But when the pandemic hit working out at home didn’t speak to me, so I didn’t do it. I was busy staying calm and pretending we weren’t headed into armageddon against nature.

Because of this, I gained a substantial amount of weight that I was extremely self-conscious about.

As a woman, I’ve internalized so much dialogue about my body. Constantly feeling shame for the way I look. Judging it against supermodels or celebrities. Accepting the male gaze, being ogled and objectified for countless years. And sadly, being around other beautiful women who also scrutinize and discuss their bodies without self-love.

Only during this pace of the pandemic did I slow down enough to truly learn what radical self-love looks when it comes to my body. Here is how I learned how to love my body during COVID.

#1: Owning it

The first part of any journey towards self-love is acknowledgment and acceptance of the way things are. I decided to stop complaining about my body, especially since I wasn’t really doing much to change it.

I decided to love it the way that it is – today. Not some future version but the one I have at this moment. I thought about the changes I enjoyed in my body. I actually have boobs that bounce now, that’s fun. I also have a bigger rump too. We like that, curves baby.

I’ve always been into ancient sculptures of women with belly rolls, now I have them as well. A dear friend of mine told me that one of the best places to go for body positivity is an art museum. You can admire all types of bodies as an art form. Just like your body, a peice of art.

#2: Social media cleanse

Then came a social media cleanse. Fighting fatphobia is hard. Especially on social media. We live in a society that idolizes tiny, stick-thin women. I’m really attracted to women and their beautiful bodies, but I was following too many women who made me feel bad about myself.

So I started to unfollow anyone on my feed that made me yearn for a different version of myself. I continue to cleanse even when I really enjoy the account. It’s just not worth it. I also started to follow more full-bodied women. I especially love following women with my general body shape. They give me confidence and remind me how beautiful all bodies are.

#3: Touch

My body is still a wonderland. I remind myself by touching and caressing my body. I really enjoy placing my warm hands on different areas of my body. I like to rest my hands on my lower abdomen for comfort. I also place my hands over my heart and take a few deep breaths. I press my hands down the sides of my arms and give myself a hug.

I enjoy taking long, luxurious showers where I try to clean every inch of my body. Taking special care of neglected places like behind the ears and in between my toes. I will also give myself an oil massages as a treat.

Masturbation reminds me that my body is capable of so much pleasure, just the way it is. All of these touches bring me back into my body and remind me of how precious and well taken care of I am.

#4: Dancing

Dancing is my favorite way to get out of my head and into my body – feeling myself. I am always astounded at the different ways my body can move. I highly recommend Pony Sweat, a virtual dance aerobics class, for people who like to move their bodies. A common mantra for this class is “fuck the moves.” Do what feels right for your body.

Getting out of my head and into my body helped me love my body in a whole new way. My body moves in incredible and unique ways, the gift of movement and rhythm is a joy to tap into. Dancing also reminds me that sexual energy is not a body type, it’s a feeling.

#5: Gratitude

When I am dancing, I feel such gratitude for my body. I feel so grateful for this body because it is capable and healthy. My body has dealt with such intense stress this year that I am proud of it for just getting through.

Dance, pleasure, and deep love for my body has transformed the way in which I think of this human vessel. Reminding myself that my body is the least interesting thing about me is one of my favorite mantras moving forward. I love my body and I am so grateful for it, but I am so much more.

This year has taught me how to love my body and if it took COVID love pounds to get there, so be it. I am in the most loving relationship with my body that I have ever had and I could not be more grateful.