Heritage - Part 2/2

— … He lowered his eyes to the book again. His face had fallen.

In an angry, miserable manner:

"I'm at the grave, my library is at the auction," he nodded. I didn't make a sound. I pretended to read the book in my hand. I don't know how long we were silent, it seemed too long to me. While my eyes were wandering between the lines of writing, I was thinking of twenty-five thousand liras myself.

It was a small fortune. It was a fortune that would sooner or later be mine. Because my uncle had no heirs other than us. This old man, who had come a long way on the path of his life to that death, was a guest in the world for a few years at most.

I was saying to myself: “A few more years…”, “Come on, five years…

He didn't drink the water of immortality, that's it!”

Who were the orientalists who wanted the library?

I would ask. The word came right into my mouth. I didn't ask. I was afraid of his clever eyes, which looked bigger, bluer, brighter under the glasses. I thought he'd understand my thinking right away. This legacy, which I had never thought of before, suddenly filled all my dreams. It's like my head is swollen, I'm dazed. I had no idea what I was talking about with my uncle. We left the library. We came to the living room and sat down for dinner. I was like in a novel.

Two of my uncle:

- You have a distraction today. I remember you said you have something. While I was eating at the table, my mind was working, thinking and making plans like a foreign machine outside my body, outside my will, outside my soul. I couldn't control the ideas that were born in my head, I was silent. That's right… This poor old man would surely die soon. The library is twenty-five thousand liras…

A mansion, a vineyard, an apartment on Faik Paşa Slope…

These are seventy eighty thousand liras: A fortune of one hundred thousand liras!

Would I live here anymore? I would breathe in right Europe and enjoy life with pleasure. But…

What if this old man tries to get married or something… But is it possible?

A high-pitched demon voice in my mind:"Why not possible," he said. I:

"Impossible, impossible," I grit my teeth.

— No, it's quite possible! You will suddenly hear tomorrow!..

— This is bad…

— Of course, bad…

"Yes, what if she gets married...

— Have no doubt about it. Then you will dream of a hundred thousand liras.

— Then?.. The demon voice ringing in my mind:

"You must avoid such a possibility," he gave an almost dreadful order. How could I avoid such a disaster? Yes, it was truly a disaster.

The fact that a hundred thousand liras, which had landed right at my feet, flew away because of my negligence! My mind was running like a magic clock, again out of my will and even my comprehension. I raised my eyes to my uncle. He was bringing the rice to his mouth with his little spoon. I saw his thin white neck under his beard. If that white place was pressed for two minutes… One hundred thousand lira would suddenly be mine! But…

The voice of the devil that left poison lightning and fire in my soul:

— Are you a fool, he said; why are you afraid?

- I am scared.

— No, don't be afraid! You will not step on your uncle's throat and strangle him like those common murderers.

— What am I going to do?"You're going to do something so the law won't find you guilty.

- How?

— You're going to steal some typhoid germs from your friend, the bacteriologist Sabit.

- Eh?..

— You will throw these germs into the water your uncle drinks at night. When he has typhoid fever, you will give him the contaminated water as medicine while the doctors are trying to cure him. He will surely die in a week. You will cry with everyone. You will walk in front of the funeral. No one will suspect you! On the contrary, he accompanied his grief and said, “Congratulations!” they will say.

— Oh!.. Yes, oh… I suddenly came alive. It was as if I was relieved of a heavy burden. I opened my eyes. I saw my uncle peeling his diamond. Again, I had no idea what we were talking about.

To me:

"I'm proud of you," I heard you say. It was late, I went to the room where I was sleeping. The murder plot in my mind was expanding on its own. I sat on my cot. The light of the candle burning on my desk stirred shapeless shadows on the walls. One hundred thousand pounds!

My eyes darted to the closet mirror. I saw my own dream there. He was looking straight at me. Her hair was trembling. His eyes were bloodshot. It was bloody like the eyes of a hyena. This dream is me. I turned my face so I wouldn't see it. I didn't sleep at all at night. I couldn't look in the mirror so as not to see myself. Yes, I was a murderer. I was a monster. All moral sentiments were a lie in my eyes. Until the morning, I listened to the echoes of the devil giving me commands in my mind:

- Don't hesitate!

— No, no, I can't.

— You will!

- I won't.

- You will miss a hundred thousand liras!

- Run away.

— Are you an idiot?

— …No, I'm not stupid. But… I went down to my uncle early in the morning. The poor old man was drinking his milk in front of the balcony.

He greeted me, alas, with a smile of his pride:

— What, are you bothered, he said; are you yellow?

— I have nothing.

- Have you slept comfortably?

- I said yes. Then all of a sudden I started kissing her hands. I guess tears were flowing from my eyes. I was like a villain repenting over the holy body he had killed. I was no longer human.

"I have a request of you," I groaned. Seeing my unusual behavior for the first time, my uncle didn't know what to say. He never hears the blow, the spiritual bankruptcy that the devil in my head has inflicted on my existence:

"What are you doing son, what are you doing?"

- None! Promise me you will do as I ask!

- Tell me, what do you want?

- First, promise you won't refuse! Withdrawn his hands:

— Well, tell me; I promise, he said.

— I am your heir.

— No doubt.

— I want you to bequeath all your wealth to national organizations while you are still alive.

— But why?

- That's how I want it.

- But why?

— … I was going to tell you what I was thinking at night, how I had planned to kill him with an invisible weapon in order to seize the hundred thousand lira as soon as possible. If I had, he would have recognized my insides, but perhaps I would have been a little more comfortable now. But no, I could not show this courage. The virtue that I did not have in myself, I made a curtain on my disgusting spirituality. I started gagging lies. Supposedly I was young, I could possibly sell this precious library and cause him to leave the country.

I wanted this important legacy to be left to the nation:All right, he said, let me give my library to the nation. But other income...

"I don't want them either, uncle. There are so many sick and orphans. There are tears to be wiped off, wounds to be healed, widows, orphans and orphans to be consoled!.. While I was talking, he was looking at me with a deep astonishment and astonished admiration. The poor man could not understand what a low thing the creature before him was. He straightened up and embraced me. He kissed my forehead.

"I'm proud of you," he said.

* * * Yes, the ideal of humanity in my soul, those three moral torches are extinguished forever. I became a horrible, disgusting killer in one night. Now I'm in a dark desert! I'm poor as an animal!

I will no longer be able to return to the paradise of humanity, the paradise of "goodness, truth, beauty". The poor old man, whom I deceived for the last time with my lies, will also know a cowardly miserable man, like me, who was frightened by his inner deed, as "virtuous"; “You are my pride!” to this miserable being! he will say.