From heartbreak to healing

Sometime in my early twenties, I really thought I'd met 'the one'. Let's call them Alex. It was a lovely sunny day in spring when we first made eye contact. I felt this immediate, strong emotional connection to Alex. How I had ever lived without them in my life was beyond me. I was infatuated; I was obsessed. I told them how I felt. 

"I have a crush on you," I mumbled. 

Alex told me they were flattered but were with someone else. I don't think it hit me at that moment that they did not feel the same way about me, but at some point in the next few months, it hit me. It hit me hard. And it broke my heart. 

To anyone who's reading this because they're suffering due to unrequited love: I feel you; I've been there. With all I've been through in my life, this kind of heartbreak was the most traumatic of emotional turmoils I have ever experienced. But there's something that helped me immensely, and it could do the same for you.

There's no 'quick fix' to this kind of emotional pain. And please, it's best not to go looking for such fixes, as tempting as they may seem. Instead, I have a more mundane, potentially life-changing suggestion:

Write out the story of your heartbreak.

Yes, it will take some work. But it will help you to stop obsessing over every detail of your interactions with the object of your desire. It will compartmentalise your emotions, giving you space to reflect, grow and heal.

Here's a snippet I wrote about the process of writing: 

It's hard to describe the feelings that emerge from remembering all the things [Alex] said that evening. I can hear them in my head, and they seem to be hitting something quite painful, but it's also a relief, to have given a space on the page for those memories so that I don't have to hold on to them anymore.

It's been a while since I wrote that. I'd express it differently now, but the point remains: another benefit of writing about your heartbreak is the potential for relief from the pain.

Each story will be different. Maybe you still see the object of your desire every day at work or university, or where you volunteer each week. Maybe they're no longer in your life at all. Write out whatever lead you to where you are now. Maybe you told them how you feel, maybe you didn't. Either way, you presumably met at some point so write about that to start. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part. 

If you suffer from perfectionism, I also feel you. However, it is good to remember that this story is for your benefit alone. No one else has to read it.

I now cannot remember how long it took me to write the document in its final form, but I did not have the time nor energy to write it in one sitting. I found writing about my emotions difficult. However, I discovered so much about myself, about the story, and it forced me to confront my part in the heartbreak. From this is the next piece of advice to help you with the writing: 

Don't be surprised if you find it uncomfortable while writing.

I implore you to write through the difficult parts of your story. You may cry, a lot. You may not. There's no right or wrong creative process. I found at times that I would jump between writing about the past to writing about the present. That's fine too. Remember, this story is for you. 

If you're reading this because you're suffering from heartbreak, try opening a document or note on your electronic device, or grabbing a notebook and writing tool. Begin to write your story about the heartbreak. When you're finished with writing, see how differently you feel.