Call it what you'd like

It goes down like a pill. Stubborn and reluctant. But it’s my spinach, my pride that is. It never gets any easier to stomach but you have to do something with it. I cherish the moments I’m not mentally eviscerating myself but… That’s impossible here. I don’t know why I keep coming back. I guess without pride being my vice gluttony would have to do me in. Ugh why is nobody ever here? There’s not even a crowd to blend in with. I don’t really care though, the problem is she’s in there… with him. It would take some crowd to distract me from that though, from her I mean. I could stare through a parade’s worth of bodies without a problem and be able to somehow still notice her every move… She’d still have my undivided attention. I'm not here for that though. I could waste an entire day listing and contemplating everything I love about her. I’m here something a little more selfless, and a shit load more consistent. I’m here for the double choco-chubasaur. Goddamn this diner for naming that masterpiece something so juvenile. It should be recreated in acrylic paint blessing a canvas, carved in marble, and only then offered a name reverent and beautiful. Something to speak to its unmistakably gourmet quality. To order it you should have to make an offering, a sonnet… something. I’m not sure most people share my enthusiasm for it though, So I’ll just continue to ask my ex or one of her lucky colleagues for a fucking “Chubusaur”

“Hey Chubasaur!” It was Shayla, one of my ex’s friends. She was smoking a cigarette and leaning on the brick siding of the diner.

“That really is starting to catch isn’t it? can I bum a cig?” I asked taking my hand out of my coat to gesticulate a cigarette, tapping my lips with two fingers.

“Let me keep calling you Chubasaur and I’ll even light it for you.” She laughed out as she handed me a loosey. “She’s in there you know. It’s been double shifts for her the last few weeks, so I mean you might want to satisfy that sweet tooth some other time.”

“I can’t let her stop me from living my best life, there’s one thing that always hits the spot for me. She can’t have my heart and my only escap-” I was cut short as Shayla put her lighter up towards me.

“If I could love anything as much as you love that chocolate disaster.”

We both proceeded to take a few drags in silence.

“Is she really working that much?” I asked breaking the serenity.

“Yea I think her and whats his name are planning some get-away, vacation type of deal.” She took a drag and let it billow out into the frosty air. She always seemed to be blowing out a candle whenever she let a hit out.

“Oh so now she has time for trips.” I said letting my hand hang down, feeling the faint heat of my cigarette’s cherry. “She’s even pitching in?”

“Yea fuckface got laid off from his third shift gig so he’s here all the fucking time. I guess they both are.”

We took another few drags in silence. It felt like I’d never know anything this familiar ever again. I looked up at the sky, the twilight had abandoned. The moon wasn’t out tonight, so all the glory of neon and fluorescent the diner had seemed to drown out the rest of the world.

“I love when its like this.” Exhaled Shayla. “This is all we have to worry about right now.” She sighed out as she brought her cigarette to a half smile.

The void beyond the pale green awning started to invite a modest cluster of snowflakes. There wasn't much to this place. You would almost wonder if it was ever in a condition that didn't look old and rustic. The brass tones, faded brick, and chipping paint seemed completely oblivious to youth. It was out of the way from pretty much anything in town, but if you were lucky enough to know how good anything on the menu was it really didn't matter going out of your way. It was lonely here, but you could at least be in the company of other misfits and outliers.

“Come to think of it maybe they’re getting out of here, ykno? starting up somewhere else.” Shayla said, inviting me into her inner-dialogue.”People don’t really vacation after they’ve been laid off...” She took her last drag and stomped out the last of her cig. That really hurt. To think of her leaving and starting fresh. That pain really weighed me down.

“I don't know… That seems a little out of character for her...” I managed to choke out. The hit I was exhaling burned. “At least I could enjoy a dessert in peace. Whatever.” I coughed a bit then from out of nowhere the words jumped out of me. “Hey… Shay, You think the two of us could eve-”

“NO!” She laughed out almost pushing me over. The heaviness of the moment was completely nullified. “Listen when you’re done with the cig, come over to the booth by the broken jukebox and I’ll bring you your beloved Chubasaur.” With that she patted me on the back and made her way inside. “Just go straight there and you might not even have to look at her Chubz!” She yelled as the entrance closed. I felt that same feeling again. I was afraid to let go of this familiarity, but my cigarette had gone out and standing outside alone in the cold just didn’t feel right anymore.

“Maybe in another life.” the words seemed to escape me without thought. With that I flicked my cigarette, and made my way to a serving of pride and a Double Choco-Chubasaur.