America Don’t Have Talent

The names have been changed to keep their anonymity and time distorted the memory of the event, so it might not be as accurate as I wish it would be. However, I did my best to stay as close as possible from the truth I know. It’s as close as I could get from reality. If I remember correctly, it was in 2012, but I might be wrong and it’s just a detail anyway. Enjoy the story.

— I’m bored! We should do something.

Said my friend’s big sister. Let’s call her Samantha.

— You know we will do anything fun you suggest.

Said my friend named Lexie.

— What do you want to do? You always have good ideas.

Did I ask Samantha.

— I know! Let's do America Don’t Have Talent. We will make a video parody of America's Got Talent. Us three will be the judges, but we’ll also be participants. We should invite our other siblings to participate as well.

So that’s what we did. I don’t remember if we were playing as the real judges of America’s Got Talent or if it was just the general idea of a judge, but I do think I was at Simon Cowell’s place. Was he my favorite judge back then? I don’t know… Maybe he wasn’t. My memory is a bit foggy.

Anyhow, we filmed the judges’ side and the participants’ side with funny skits. I was Think, not Pink, Think. That was my character. I did a weird show to display the names of each finger. She was kind of annoying even for me, but it was meant to be that way. She was someone who wasn’t supposed to have talent. The judges somehow muted my character with a remote, it was a parody after all, which made ‘Think’ angry. ‘She’ was pointing at her middle finger with anger. The judges finally decided that she was bad enough to continue on the next step of the process. Then came the turn of Lexie’s character, I don’t remember her stage name, but I do remember the best parts.

Her character was supposed to show us how to twerk. It was hilarious how bad she was. She was just going up and down with her butt. We couldn’t call it anything else. But what’s even funnier, is that when we finished filming, her skit was the only one we couldn’t see. There was a missive saying:

“Sorry, this video can’t be read!”

And other things like that. Since then we always say that she was so bad at twerking that it can’t even be seen by anyone. We might go blind if we see it for too long. Or that we might get censored by the Ipad if we do things that are way too weird. Just friendly jokes that even she makes and we all know where it comes from.

I don’t remember what our other siblings did, they were pretty much all doing whatever they wanted. Until Sam’s turn came. She made herself the worst make up she could ever do and prepared her character’s physique to say ‘she will surely win the America Don’t Have Talent’.

Even her name was well thought to fit that idea. It was OMG; Orelie Maude Gustave. All names with french pronunciation and one with a spelling mistake (Orelie should be Aurelie). Even when she presented herself it was as if she was destined to win.

— I’m OMG, Orelie Maude Gustave.

She said her last name with a deeper voice. It was so funny. Then came the time to show her performance. She started to sing in her normal voice, which I believe to be pretty. It baffled the jury who were expecting the worst performance of their lives.

— Oh! My! God!

— You shouldn’t be in America Don’t Have Talent, you have too much talent for that.

— When I saw you coming I thought ‘we’ve just found our winer, she will show us how to apply makeup or something and it will surely be awful’. But then you started singing and I couldn’t believe my ears. It’s unbelievable you thought you had your place in America Don’t Have Talent. You have talent, you shouldn’t be here.

— What do you say? Does she pass to the next step?

— No!

— Absolutely not!

— Sorry, but... it’s a no for me too!

— We’re sorry, but you have too much talent. You can’t be our winer. Maybe you would have more chances in a Talent Show...

That’s how OMG didn’t pass America Don’t Have Talent and why Sam sometimes says.

— I don’t sing very well. I’m good enough not to pass America Don’t Have Talent, but I don’t have that much talent either.

We often refer to that famous day we made ‘America Don’t Have Talent’ as inside jokes for one thing or for another. There are so many things that can be said about that day. It really will stay in our minds for a very long time if not forever.