90 Day Fiancé Happily Ever After? Season 7 Recap
Back at the honeymoon room, the couple was planning their romantic evening together (It the headboard's a-rockin', don't come a-knockin'! No, I mean literally. You'll never be able to shake that image from your mind).
Stewmeat and Jenny
Jenny had planned to relax at the beach and watch Summitch construct sand castles and play with his toys, but he expressed an interest in something more daring, such as zip lining.
Jenny consented (without first checking to see if Smee had taken out a life insurance policy on her). Everyone knows he's only interested in the social security cheese.
Soupee was the first to zipline across the beautiful river, arriving safely on the opposite side. Jenny followed, screaming the entire time (which is now giving me even more insight as to what went on with all of the headboard knocking, and the pain and suffering of their poor hotel neighbors).
Suitpleat planned to surprise Jenny with his next honeymoon activity, a Kama Sutra yoga session, because they both survived the zipline. Jenny seemed surprised by the notion, believing that their routine of bed knockin' and post-coital Nick-At-Night marathons provided enough spice.
Smee only stated that it would be a time for the two to genuinely "connect" on a new level, striving hard to convince his antique bride of the concept. Jenny still rejected, claiming that she'd been around long enough to know most of the diagrams in the Kama Sutra by memory (most likely because she was around during the original diagram drawings) and that practicing in a class/group situation would be an embarrassment.
Jenny felt the age difference between herself and Mike Jones for the first time. All I know is that if they show Jenny in a tiny French maid outfit with fluffy handcuffs next week, I'm contacting Mother Sueme.
The two then appeared to be on their way to a religious ritual in honor of the River Ganges (thank goodness someone changed the Kama Sutra subject...). Before sitting down to explore a new topic, everyone participated with amusing accessories, flowers, and blessings.
Jenny mentioned that now that they're married, she might apply for a spousal visa so Smeet could accompany her to the United States. Somepit quickly refused the offer, fearing that leaving his native India would be the final nail in his mother's coffin (which he isn't permitted to visit because he was denied entry to her burial).
Let's only hope the Visa plot continues....
I'm not sure I'll be able to stomach any tantric yoga lessons this season. I'd rather watch a marathon of nose flossing.
Angela and Mykal ?
As she tried to pack for her surprise trip to Nigeria to ambush Mykal, Ang's anxiety was at an all-time high.
She decided to bring along an ally for her mission: Rene, a friend who has been crucial in her life since they met at an airport and bonded over paying off the toilet attendant so they could smoke in the lavatory. Angela expressed her displeasure with Mykal's recent behavior, which included extorting money from her in exchange for the removal of his Instagram account. Rene had no clue that the impending trip would be a surprise visit until she decided to attend, but she was game.
As Angela and Rene drove to the airport, she adjusted her sequined American flag hat and matching American themed bags. The weight of what she was about to do began to rest on her newly smaller form as they approached the gate.
She was both anxious and delighted to meet Mykal after being apart for two years, but she was suspicious of his motivations. Her brilliant plan was showing up on his home and asking to see his mobile phone right away, in order to determine if he had been contacting other ladies or scamming other people.
Flying to a distant nation for 24+ hours to roll up on someone and snoop through their phone is a level of commitment that most people should strive for.
I, for one, am looking forward to seeing her rip Mykal's automobile apart with her bare hands, all while wearing a Miona fake ponytail, as the trailers imply.
Sojaboy, Kimbally, and Other International Local Artists
Kimbally stood in the Abuja Holiday Inn parking lot, unsure of what to do next, while the conflict from the previous week resumed.
She eventually returned to the hotel room to try to smooth things over, and presumably to reassure Usman that he had every intention of making her the "Robyn" in their Sisterwives connection. Unfortunately for Kim, the Supastar was still unhappy at being thrown another beer and having his evening finish in tears.
He appeared to believe that, while Sojamom might use a new goat and/or cow meal, bringing Kimbally to meet his family would be a bad idea.
Kimbally was spotted spraying her black locks with scrunch spray the next morning before heading down the hallway and onto the terrace to join Sojaboy for a cup of tea.
Of course, the choice of hot beverage concerned Usman, who was used to having liquids tossed in his general vicinity at this point. Kim attempted once again to explain that her outburst was motivated by irritation, because Usman had sugar-coated the entire SIsterwives issue.
She felt tricked since she had been informed that the second wife would be essentially a concubine, but she was the one he would "der" for. She felt she deserved some recognition for everything she had done for him (money, gifts, unconditional love and support, an entire wardrobe with his face on it, willingness to look like an idiot on television, and traveling multiple times to devote herself to a relationship with someone who planned to take more wives).
He ultimately apologized, attempting to explain that she is not the only one making sacrifices for the sake of their relationship, since he managed to sleep with her before to marriage (as he also did with BGL). For fact, he received the rawdog).
They reconciled just in time for Sojaboy's huge birthday celebration, to which he invited Kimbally with the caveat that she not throw anything. Kimbally had vowed to be on her best behavior and was contemplating which Sojaboy t-shirt to wear to the big occasion.
Big Ed and Regular Liz
Back in the realm of "Why are these individuals still on my television?"... Liz and her pal Model Sam (from the notorious "no-neck picture session" two weeks ago) began the segment by humping the floor while performing some sort of stripper zumba.
Following their exercise, the two ladies sat down to discuss the current situation of "Big Led" (the couple's celebrity moniker, which truly tests my patience). Liz told Model Sam that Ed had suggested she drop some weight. Everyone in the Universe agreed that Ed should be the weight she needed to shed (but that must not have been in the script).
Back at Ed's house, there was a close-up of a renegade dog excrement on a wee-wee pad, highlighting his personality for the perfect lead-in. With their wedding approaching, Ed decided to call his poor small mother to attempt to make amends and invite her to the celebration (thankfully ghosted him).
He hoped that his mother and daughter would ultimately accept his absurd relationship with Liz and attend the wedding. Liz, on the other hand, didn't think it was a good idea to invite Ed's other leading women to the engagement party because they plainly dislike her.
Following that, we watched Big Ed and Liz try to spice up their dismal relationship by "role acting" and meeting at a hotel bar/restaurant. After several tedious flirtations, the two decided to go inside for supper and discuss their forthcoming party. I wasn't paying attention to the remainder of the talk since I'd lost interest in them and still don't see why they're on the program.
Yara and Jovi
Yara was riveted to the television, watching the conflict in Ukraine play out.
Though her mother appeared to be secure in the Czech Republic, the majority of her friends were in Kiev, facing the realities of the situation.
Jovi attempted to soothe her (perhaps even offering to take her to a strip club to distract her thoughts), but he didn't know what to say.
Yara fought hard to keep her cool despite feeling absolutely useless and wished she could do anything for her friends, family, and fellow Ukrainians (Relax, Yara... Caesar and David are on their way to assist!)
Given the status of her Green Card, the couple met with a lawyer to explore their options for either moving Yara's family to the US or allowing her to see her mother in Europe.
They addressed the financial problems of moving the Family Yara into their little flat and caring for them after acquiring all of the essential information.
Yara reasoned that her family couldn't possible be any more costly than her fancy handbag collection, and she resolved to do whatever it took. Meanwhile, she really wanted to go to Prague with Mylah to see her mother, but Jovi hoped she would wait until he had 4 weeks off instead of 4 weeks on.
Undrrrrei and Elizabeth
Elizabeth and her two nasty stepsisters were sitting in her niece's dancing class studio, talking about Undrrrrei and their mother's impending confrontation.
Since the housewarming celebration, the Sisters Elizabeth have chosen to reconsider attending their mother's 60th birthday party, which Brother Charlie and company were planning to attend. They felt it would be simpler to put their conflicts with Baby Chuck aside for the benefit of their mother.
Libby struggled to maintain her resolve in declining the offer, concerned that Undrrrrei might lose his cool and cause problems with his approaching Green Card Renewal Interview.
The sisters laughed at the possibility of Undrrrei being returned to the Moldy-O. They conveyed their displeasure with Undrrrrei's demanding and domineering tendencies, telling Elizabeth that they thought they'd be next on his chopping board.
Back at home, Papa Undrrrrei was busy playing Barbie dolls with young Ellie (far more fun with a Moldovan accent, which I'm going to attempt next time).
Libby told him about her wicked sisters' chat, letting him know in her nasal tone that she was on his side when it came to upsetting her mother's birthday by missing her celebration.
We got up with Brother Charlie, who was busy taking foot fetish shots of his wife Megan, who supposedly earns $70,000 each year from pictures of her piggies.
They took a short break from the foot picture industry to talk about the Undrrrei saga. Charlie insisted that he is not the initiator, but rather a victim of Undreeei's Moldy plot to ruin the family.
He struggled to accept Big Chuck side with his son-in-law rather than his own meathead son.
Megan felt betrayed by the family as well, because she was very close with all of the sisters (so close, in fact, that she was allowed to breastfeed in the pool with them) but had also been a victim of last season's BBQ brawl ("From Pool Breastfeeding to Pool-Side FIghting; The Meg Potthast E True Hollywood Story").
Despite the familial strife, Charlie insisted that he and Megan would attend the 60th birthday celebration since they wanted nothing more than to rejoice ( And ya know, free beer, Bro.)