80% of your troubles can be avoided by taking care of others
Have you ever found that the better the relationship between two people, the easier it is to quarrel.
This is because in a relationship, there needs to be a "just right" distance from each other.
Once the boundary is crossed, even the best relationship will deteriorate.
Appreciate an oil painting and keep a certain distance in order to see the most beautiful overall picture; two hedgehogs keep warm, and the distance is not far or near, in order to achieve the most comfortable state.
The ancients said: "When the road is narrow, leave one step to walk with people; where the taste is strong, reduce it by three points for people to taste."
It is the most basic way of life for an adult to be in moderation in everything.
Get along with people, keep a distance and leave a three-point leeway, and the relationship with each other can be more harmonious.
It's a disaster to take care of others
Wang Xiaobo once said: "Being kind is never easy. Wrong kindness will not bring heaven to others, but will only drag you down into hell."
Sometimes, to help others, you also need to know how to stop.
Don't let your kindness become cheap, otherwise, it is doomed to be a disaster.
Teacher Chen Ming in the show "Wonderful Flowers" once shared an experience of his father in the show.
In the early years, his father moved from the countryside to the city through his own efforts and became a policeman.
At that time, it was a good thing to have a half-official position in the city, so all kinds of relatives often came to the door.
"Help me to set up an account, it will be more convenient for you to speak."
"Can you arrange a job for the child?"
"My daughter is getting older, help me find a reliable partner in the city."
Every three to five, and so on.
Some relatives didn't even say hello, but stayed at home and waited for their father to help with the work before leaving.
His father was a warm-hearted man and tried to help him from the beginning.
But as time goes by, the trivial matters of various parents accumulate more and more, and sometimes they even help and become more and more chaotic, and they are also exhausted by these things.
In the end, the father collapsed completely because of his powerlessness.
This reminds me of a video I saw online recently.
An uncle works outside because he earns money alone to support his wife and two children.
He usually saves as much as he can, and workers often see him eating only steamed buns for several days.
So, a worker recorded a video of the uncle eating steamed buns and drinking boiled water, and posted it on his social platform, urging everyone to bring him to dinner. It is not easy for such a person to work hard outside.
After the video was forwarded, it resonated with many people.
But there is one reply that is troubling:
"It's best not to bring it. A kind person will think about how to treat guests and return them, which will increase his burden."
Yes, some kindness, if not handled properly, it will become a burden to others.
The secret to getting along comfortably between people is, in addition to sticking a knife, there is enough to stop.
To maintain a proper sense of proportion is not indifference and alienation, but just the right kind of kindness.
Fools control others, wise people control themselves
One of the debate topics in "Wonderful Flowers" is: Your partner is willing to be a salted fish and does not seek to make progress. Should you change him?
The answer given by many people is: no!
One of the guests said that it took him many years to make this decision.
She and her husband had just met, and when the other party introduced himself, he said that his conditions were average and that he didn't have much money.
At that time, she also felt that this person was sincere and humble.
In the end, after the marriage, the husband was really just like what he had introduced. The two had an obvious marriage pattern of "strong women and weak men".
For the first few years of her marriage, she had been trying to change her husband who was content with the status quo.
Although the husband has tried to change, but the results are not satisfactory:
Said to do the sneaker business, but all the goods bought were his own shoe size; he said that he was doing insurance, but he was defrauded of money.
Under the expectation of my lover, I keep trying things that I am not good at, and the result always ends in embarrassment.
As long as her husband has achieved a little, he will have higher expectations for him.
This endless expectation and frustration again made the relationship between husband and wife more and more abnormal.
When she woke up in the middle of the night, she saw her husband smoking alone on the balcony, and she was very troubled.
She suddenly discovered that her husband, who had always been gentle and casual, had lost all of his original energy under her persecution.
This long-term and powerful transformation made them all tired and even had a marital crisis.
At that moment, he finally let go of his obsession with reforming the other party, and stopped forcing him to do things that he didn't like and was not good at.
"I used to be keen on educating others, but now I feel that managing myself is much more reliable than educating others."
In life, the emphasis is on self-fulfillment, but doing good deeds and not saving others.
The world is in turmoil, people come and go.
When you face life with an open-minded heart and no longer delusionally change others forcibly, you will also usher in your own rebirth.
Minding others less can avoid 80% of the troubles in life
In the prosperous world, there are different poses and different expressions. If you want to be uniform in everything, it will only hurt people and be futile.
It is a lack of wisdom to always look down on others and insist on pointing the way in other people's lives.
If you care less about others, you can avoid 80% of the troubles in your life.
1. Pay less attention to the family affairs of relatives.
There is a question on Zhihu: What kind of relatives are the most annoying?
The most liked answer is: Nosy relatives.
In life, such relatives are not rare. From eating healthy to getting married and having children, I want to point fingers on everything big and small.
Perhaps these warm-hearted relatives had good intentions.
But the trivial things in life, such as drinking water and knowing one's self-knowledge, no one can truly empathize with them.
Always intervene in the lives of others, not to help others, but to cross the line of power.
The formation of troops without borders is not only annoying, but also widens the distance from each other.
2. Keep your friends private.
A true social master knows how to keep the distance from each other just right, not far or near.
Wang Po was originally a person who likes to dress up very much, and has an active nature. She often goes to major parks with her old classmates to check in and play.
It's just that fate is unfair. Recently, she was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and needs to meditate.
Madam Wang didn't want others to see her haggard appearance, so she concealed her condition from her old classmates. She only had a chronic disease and didn't go out for two months.
As Wang Po's friend for many years, Aunt Li had a bad premonition, but she only called and chatted with Wang Po intermittently and never mentioned her illness.
In this way, Auntie Li comforted the mother-in-law just right and left enough space for the mother-in-law when she was ill.
The friendship of adults is not what I ask, and you answer it; but what you don't say, I also understand.
It is not indifference, but a deliberate balance, to be less mindful of your friends' private affairs.
3. Don't mind other people's business.
In life, there are many half-baked people who will point fingers at you.
You are wearing a satisfactory dress, and he said that you are not strong enough to support this color;
You are going to run for fitness. He said that running is not that easy. You are too busy with work and you can’t keep going;
You've been overworked for a long time and want to treat yourself with a late night snack, and he tells you that junk food is not healthy.
There is such a sentence on the Internet, your evaluation of me does not constitute one ten thousandth of me, but it is you.
We always try to stand on the right angle to open the way for others to avoid lightning.
But neglected in life, the mood is more important than right or wrong.
If it affects the mood of others, no one will pay the bill no matter how correct it is.
To care less about others, to respect others is to respect yourself.
When people reach middle age, they must learn to focus on themselves
Lin Yutang wrote in "Life Is Nothing But This":
"You will always be your own protagonist, don't always play a supporting role in other people's dramas."
The greatest "worthiness in the world" is to work hard to live your life well.
There is a saying that goes well, the general rushes on the road and does not chase the rabbit.
Instead of paying attention to the right and wrong of the outside world, it is better to spend more time and establish your own inner order.
Learn to take the attention you put on others back to yourself.
Maintaining self-renewal at all times and regaining inner balance is the highest state of being in danger.
Lighting up "watching", I hope we can all grasp the proportions, not disturb the four seasons of the mountains and rivers of others, and enjoy our own splendid life.