5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

No one should ever put up with someone’s BS. Here’s a list of 5 toxic traits in a relationship.

5 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Relationships aren’t always what they seem. Sometimes our expectations are crushed after a while of being with a significant other that’s showing toxic traits. The three main expectations in a relationship is to respect one another, to build trust, and to love one another. Unfortunately, this doesn’t happen in every relationship. But sometimes, toxic relationships can be hard to identify. There are some behaviors that clearly cross a line—like any kind of abuse, be it physical, emotional, verbal, or financial. Other signs are subtler—but can be just as troublesome.

Ginnie Love Thompson, PhD, a psychologist in Florida quoted, “Every single relationship has a level of toxicity. Nothing is perfect—there’s always some work to be done. If you feel uneasy, you need to stop yourself and ask what the cause is,” if there are constant problems that aren’t being solved then it’s time to consider other options.

"If they make you feel like no matter what you’re doing, it always seems to be the wrong thing, and that no matter how hard you try, it’s never going to be enough to please your partner—those are red flags,” quoted Jane Greer, PhD, a marriage and family counselor and author of What About Me? Stop Selfishness From Ruining Your Relationship . An individual should start becoming concerned the second their partner is making them question their self worth, if someone’s partner doesn’t acknowledge how hard they’re trying to please the person, and constantly blames the person that’s trying hard to fix the relationship, no matter how hard they try it seems like a hopeless situation.

These are common signs that you’re in an unhealthy relationship and need to GTFO.

1. Your partner doesn’t take responsibility for their actions.

Let’s just say your partner raises their voice at you during a heated discussion, the least they can do is apologize. I get it, sometimes people are clouded with anger and annoyance to apologize in the moment. But they need to realize that it will only make matters worse if they don’t try to fix the situation sooner or later. Pointing fingers won’t solve the issue either, it’ll make the person feel worse. “Healthy people can take feedback and course-correct,” says Rebecca Hendrix, LMFT, a psychotherapist in New York. “A toxic partner might blame you for the fact that they hurt your feelings. We look at how the other person affects us, but we also need to look at how we’re affecting our partner,” turning things around will do so little and will only fuel the toxicity.

2. You feel drained.

If the relationship feels like it’s draining you physically and mentally— it’s time to put an end to it. “Toxic relationships can actually make our bodies unhealthy—it’s vital to pay attention to these signs and to how our bodies are reacting,” mentioned Thompson. Relationships should fill a person with love and happiness, not anger and sadness. A relationship shouldn’t feel like a problem.

3.Your friends and family are concerned.

Momma knows best, it’s true! This can be a tricky situation but I’ll give an example. Let’s just say you and your partner were invited to a gathering, your family and friends are attending. You introduce your significant other but the people you’re closest with notice that their personality seems off (Yes, grandma might have something negative or positive to say about their appearance). People can sometimes be quick to pick up on certain things, such as the fact that your significant other isn’t trying. I don’t know about you but my partner should make a good impression and show the people that care about me the most that they truly love me. "Your sister or friend might not like this person and they start to say stuff like, 'Why is he talking to you like this?' or 'Why is he doing that?'" said Greer. Now don’t get me wrong, the people that care about you the most will become overprotective. “Your natural instinct is to try to filter out what they're saying and react with 'Don’t tell me what to do,'" Greer says. Before exploding, she recommends taking a deep breath and asking them the reason as to why they feel that way. Perhaps their response will guide you to see things through a new perspective.

4. “Constructive criticism” has become the norm in the relationship.

In a relationship, it’s good to help one another and encourage each other to do better. There are many ways people can work together in a relationship, it shouldn’t feel like the person wants you to become a different person. They will see you at your worst and at your best moments, but even in your worst moments there should always be reassurance coming from your partner. Work like a team. If you feel like your partner doesn’t see you for who you are, there’s a big problem here. “If your partner consistently asks if you really need that extra piece of pizza—and when you push back, they get defensive saying they are only trying to help—this is not about helping you, this is about controlling you,” quoted Hendrix. There’s no reason for conflict to come up if they’re really trying to help. See the difference?

5. They don’t change their bad habits after promising they would.

There’s the saying, “people never change,” in many cases it’s true. No ones asking for perfection either, it’s all about working together. If you feel like you’re in an endless cycle of the same situations, you need to realize that person isn’t going to change. If they won’t change for themselves they definitely won’t for you. It’s harsh, but it’s the truth. If the person is constantly making excuses for their bad behavior pack your bags and tell that mofo “BYE FELICIA”. You shouldn’t feel like you’re doing all the work in the relationship. The person needs to realize that commitment comes with a relationship. Now that doesn’t mean they have to drop everything they’re doing for you, it just means that there shouldn’t be any cheating, they should make time for their significant other, and lastly to realize that working like a team will make a relationship run smoothly. If the person truly loves you, they’d do anything to make things work which includes keeping their promises.

P.S. YOUR HAPPINESS MATTERS! It’s not selfish if you haven’t felt happiness in a while. The longer you stay in a toxic relationship the harder it’ll be to break things off. Think about your future, think about a better person taking care of you and cherishing you for who you are. Live your best life, live in a healthy and safe environment! You can be a better version of yourself with or without someone. Keep your head up high and do what’s best for yourself.

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Read next: 'Chocolate Kisses'
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