Who Are You?

At first it felt like nothing more than a rare phenomenon, maybe a slight obsession with the idea that something special was happening to me. I am unique, chosen perhaps. But it didn't take long for those thoughts to exit my mind the more she appeared to me. She has no name, no clear face, she barely even has a personality. She's just always there. The moment my head hits the pillow and the dream-filled slumber takes over, she's there. Waiting for me. Itching to bombard my mind with questions of why? Who are you? What do you want from me? Yet there is never an answer in sight.

With bright blonde hair, nearly white and eyes darker than the emptiest parts of space she stares and stares. Never coming close enough for me to touch her, never close enough to make me feel in immediate danger. She just stares. I have never seen this woman in reality, not that I can remember, if I had surely I would remember such an odd, yet beautiful looking being. Skin as pale as a porcelain doll, a sapphire blue gown filled with layers and layers that flowed with the wind. No not the wind, more like waves in the ocean, splashing in an almost hypnotic rhythm.

She's always there. Silent. Her facial expressions are unreadable yet the energy around me tells me she is sad, lonely, maybe a little angry as well. I try to scream out to her, I try to ask her questions.

"Who are you?"

"Why are you always here?"

"What do you want from me?"

Yet no sound ever escapes my mouth. She isn't ready to talk to me, or maybe she can't yet. I wait patiently, I try to gain her trust but I feel that it is her who should be winning my trust. She is always in my mind.

The Beginning

The first time I remember seeing her was when I was twelve, around fourteen years ago at this point. She eased into my mind like a parasite, starting off small, growing the more I fed her. The more I remembered her and gave her my attention, the more she was there.

I fell asleep and it may have been minutes or hours but I was eventually in a busy shopping mall. People scurried around me, not paying a single attention to my existence. We were all in our own worlds, doing our own things.

I remember I was looking for my mom, I was lost. I was calling out to her, not scared per se. More annoyed because I wanted to leave. The more I shouted the more the people around me began to slow down, time was coming to a halt. They all turned their heads towards me and opened their mouths and let out a collective hiss. Now I was scared. I screamed for my mom some more yet she was nowhere to be found. I ran as fast as I could until I ended up in an abandoned amusement park. It's funny how dreams change so quickly and we barely pay attention to it. Kind of like life itself.

The amusement park was dark, clouds filled the sky in a fast wavy motion. My heart was racing at this point. I tried to run more but my feet were heavy and I could no longer move. I was stuck in place. I heard a rumble behind me, regrettably I looked and everyone from the mall was running towards me except they no longer had human heads, their heads were replaced by a rotten serpent's face.

I closed my eyes and began to cry but something in my head shouted at me to open them so I did and there she was. Standing about twenty feet away. Staring at me with those empty eyes. She raised her finger to her delicate lips.

"Shhh."

I obeyed her like a dog obeying it's master and within seconds the rumbling stopped. We were now in a field filled with flowers and my heart was no longer pounding. She was standing far away staring at me, always staring. Never smiling.

The Change

As a child she would help me through my nightmares, keep me grounded and calm when everything felt hopeless. She was in fact earning my trust, I was not scared, I found bliss in her presence. Then like most good things, it all changed.

I graduated high school with this secret deep within my mind. Not a soul would know what I was going through.

It was the first time I touched a drink, a couple of my friends and I had decided to celebrate our graduation. We danced, we laughed, it was a good night. Until she escaped my mind and entered reality.

In the bathroom all giddy and buzzed, I did my business and began to wash my hands. Of course as most people do I looked into the mirror, long dark hair and bright blue eyes were no longer staring back at me. Instead she was there, staring into my soul.

She wasn't happy, I could feel the emotion immediately. Silent cries and screams begging to be released, she pounded on the glass making me jump back. I raised my hand to the glass to let her know it was okay, that I was there with her. She ripped through the mirror and pulled me in, my skin tearing apart as the broken pieces dug deep into my flesh. I screamed a silent scream.

I was in a dream but I had not remembered falling asleep, how could she pull me into this, I had no idea. She stood over me, trying to stomp her foot down on my face which was now filled with tears. Yet every attempted stomp was another fail. She sat down in a ball and cried silently. She was angry, sad, lonely. She was mad at me, things had changed.

I felt shaking, my body was convulsing. I could hear my name being shouted. In a daze, I opened my eyes to my friends leaning over me. Worried beyond belief. They had called an ambulance for my skin was in a bloody chaos, madness surrounded us all. The mirror was shattered, my fists were clenched. It was the first night I had been taken to a hospital in an ambulance.

She stood over me the entire ride with an eerie smile upon her face. This is what she wanted. She gained my trust so she could break me down, all those years of saving me from my own nightmares, it was all a scam.

I screamed and kicked and tried my best to run, the danger I had not felt before when she was around, rapidly grew. She was not my friend. I needed to get away from her.

The End

The doctors tried their best to compassionately hear me go on and on about this girl who wouldn't disappear, this woman who had haunted me for years. They stared at me as if I were crazy with pity in their eyes. I was spiraling into a jagged pit of madness.

They restrained me and sedated me and not once did she leave my side. Her nails dug deep into my arm, making me scream more and more. Nothing appeared on my flesh, no little crescent moon scars from her nails. Yet the pain was there and it wasn't subsiding.

Quickly, I fell back into a slumber, but there was no bliss to be found. I was being held down by rotten serpents, pushing me deeply into a concrete floor. She stood over me with her empty eyes, a tear rolled down and she finally spoke four words to me.

"You are no more."

I screamed an empty, lifeless scream as she plunged her soul into mine. The serpents then crawled down my throat and into my ears, filling my insides with a slithering sharpness. The world went black and I could no longer breath, I could no longer feel.

Who are you?

I don't know who you are. I don't know where you came from. But today is the day I take back what is mine. My body and my soul. My life, it is mine.

Staring into the mirror I brush my long, light blonde hair, I look into my bright, sapphire blue eyes. They are no longer empty and black. They are no longer filled with the darkness that corrupted me when I was young.

Staring back at me is the sick, cruel creature that had taken me over so long ago. Hair black as a crows feather. Eyes empty and soulless. I gained its trust, I made it feel comfortable. My strength, it grew. Finally, I was able to take back what was mine.

I don't know who you are. I don't know where you came from. But today is the day you are no more.