Wait… Have I… Been Here Before?

Confidence comes naturally when you’re a Krav Maga black belt. That isn't to say I think I’m better than anyone else. That is to say I don't worry if I’m better than anyone else or not. On top of being on top of that class I’m the leading scientist in deja vu. You know, that feeling like you’ve done something that hasn't happened before. Some say it happens because you’re on the right path. Some like to think it means your path has changed and gone in a completely new direction. I’m a man of science. To me it’s almost absolutely a misfire in the synapses in your brain related to memory. I just… I just haven’t found the undeniable proof yet.

Deep into my research I was recruiting test subjects but I needed a control. Being someone who had rarely had deja vu up to this point I thought to myself “who better?”

Weeks have gone by and I’ve noticed several patterns in the memory synapses in the people that had deja vu. But something isn’t adding up… Why are the synapses acting so dysfunctional just before the memory misfire occurs? It almost looks like an enormous amount of stress enters the brain seconds before a deja vu incident. What could it be about stress that causes the memory misfire? Maybe it has something to do with past traumas that have ruined memory forming synapses. “Who knows. Maybe… maybe it is something beyond our comprehension,” I think out loud. Just then I’m overwhelmed by the sensation that I have done this before. Deja vu?

I have decided to take my findings to another doctor. I set up a zoom meeting with a sociology expert who is particularly well versed in stress.

“Well… if I’m being honest… this is an immense amount of stress. I’ve only seen this a few times.”

“So what does this mean?”

“I once did a study on the stresses caused during hallucination. The study was HEAVILY regulated and micromanaged by the government. It wasn’t published because if it was widely known that the government in this day in age approved of drug use… well… it wouldn’t go well with the demographic that got the president his seat. We allowed the hallucinations to go well for a period of time before inducing a darker hallucination. Usually it didn’t take much. The repeated mention of one of the test subjects' phobias. The mention of noises that we were manufacturing just outside the test subjects rooms. But one subject in particular was resistant to external factors. It seemed as though this “wasn’t his first rodeo.” After deliberation, we decided to take more… extreme approach.”

“… Extreme?”

“One of our interns had a rubber ax in his car. He’s a fan of horror movies and I guess it was left over from a Halloween costume. Anyway we assigned the role to the intern and had him enter the room with the ax menacingly. He was instructed prior to entering to escalate. The patient seemed to try to react to the ax with increased stress levels. But when the hallucination turned into him being murdered… his stress level… resembled these charts.”

Just then I was overcome by an overwhelming sensation that I knew this. That I had been here before. Deja Vu.

I’ve never been one to believe things happen for a reason. Science has led me to believe otherwise. One day my view of that changed drastically. I was drawn to a coffee shop. I’m not even a coffee drinker. But something in me said. Go there, order the Nutty Irishman, sit down, and wait. I stood at the counter for maybe three minutes. It felt like eons. I almost left. Suddenly a familiar face appeared from behind the bead curtain.

“Dr. Rosenthal?”

“No. I am Harmony. I was formally known as Rachel Rosenthal. But I have moved past that life and on to one of tranquility.”

“Rachel I… Harmony. How have you been?”

“Eons have past since my past life. Forgive me if I don’t recall your name.”

“James. Doctor James Douglas.”

“Ahh yes. Doctor James. Pleasant to meet you.”

“Likewise… did you hear I took over… uhh… the research being done by your past life?”

“STOP RIGHT THERE.”

Her sudden intense burst of energy towards the mention of her past life was followed swiftly by the politest forced exodus in history. Once the café was clear it was time for our chat.

“There are things… beyond our comprehension. There are things you can’t understand. There are THINGS YOU JUST DON'T LOOK INTO.”

“But its my…”

“Quit your job. Quit your life's work. Quit your shit. You are going to die if you’re not careful. And you will literally have no one to blame but yourself.”

“Your vagueness isn’t going to sway me. I need answers, Dr. Rosenthal.”

“You’re going to kill yourself. And I don’t exactly mean suicide. I have no way to prove it other than experience. Deja vu isn’t ‘God,’ trying to tell you you’re on the right path. Deja vu isn’t ‘God,’ telling you your path is changing. Deja vu is an entity from the multiverse that identifies as you and has killed one of your other selves. The sensation of deja vu comes from your soul reentering the ‘you,’ vessel and becoming one with its multiversal brethren. I was almost killed. I overcame the entity and stopped the vicious cycle at me. If you continue to do this project, that will be one of the two options you face.”

“And the second?”

“Death.”

Deja vu. I didn’t know what to think. On the one hand, obviously she was wrong. That's not how science works. On the other hand… is it? I sat in my den and drank. How could someone who devoted their life to science could have come to such a crack pot conclusion.

Washing the dishes I had this strange sensation that I was being watched. I had a sense of oncoming Deja vu and instinct kicked in. As I lunged to the left a hand wielding a knife appeared where I once was. What? I took a step back and assessed the room. Lamp, fireplace poker, broom, frying pan. These were the closest to me. I need to get upstairs to the gun safe. A human body stands between me and my quickest route to the staircase. They have a knife. I need a shield and to push forward. Fast and smooth. Execute. I grabbed the pan which was the closest hard, flat, mobile surface near me. I drove forward with that covering my chest and as my assailant reared up again I was flabbergasted. Dr. Rosenthal was right. It was me. I cared not for dialect. I knew the only way to survive the onslaught was to win the fight and kill my opposition. I used the pan as a distraction swinging wildly hoping to draw a knife attack. My gambit paid off. I watched the body language and read the strike was coming for my right oblique. I knew I had to side step and wrap the arm by the wrist to attack the elbow and release the knife. Check. It worked like a charm. I swung him from the same elbow to take down to the ground. With a roll through the entity escaped my pinning attempt. We take the same stance. I hated to think about the damage that was going to ensue in my living room. I threw a probing mid kick to see what he would do. A lunge back and he presses forward with a feint but nothing amounted from it. I know me. I had to be the aggressor but that would put me at the disadvantage. I needed something. Something unexpected. I charged forward and push kicked my coffee table to a side. I needed that for later. After the push kick I plotted three moves ahead. Swing a right hook. Parry the oncoming left jab but don’t pull it. Throw a left jab myself. Wait for the parry attempt. Use the arm from the parry attempt to throw my opponent of balance and use the momentum for an arm drag or a hip toss. Execute. Most of what I planned out worked. My assailant rolled through the hip toss but that worked in my favor. A sudden burst of adrenaline pushed me to spear tackle him through the table. With a crash and a bang we both plowed through the table and gave me a second chance to think. I ate a punch from somewhere but I wasn’t too concerned. I had to find the knife or find another weapon. I stood up and tried for the staircase and my ankle got picked. For a second I thought my trip was my undoing but as I landed I thought about where the pan ended up. I turned to my back reached up and grabbed the pan and waited for my assailant to stand up and hoped he’d come for me. I heard him pick up what must have been the knife and as he took what would become his last 3 steps I mentally crossed my fingers hoping I had thought this out well enough. The last step hit the floor and I grabbed the pan and flung it at his head. Right between the eyes. The knife hit the floor. I scrambled as quick as I could and grabbed the knife. I jumped and came down on the entity. Dead. I have killed myself. Deja vu.